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IN my life I have learned every possible way to go around an obstacle without getting past it at all. I felt like Sisyphus, pushing that boulder up the tall mountain in hell, for it to only turn around and roll back down again.

I have felt like a vampire, a ghost, a ghoul, a monster, and a dead person at times.

I've questioned also why my conscience must be so sensitive that I feel like a monster simply because I get angry a lot and I argue a lot.

I've questioned my chronic disregard of what other people think in favor of what is good or convenient to me at the time.

I've spent years troubled about why my mother never loved me enough to leave me feeling secure and loved. She loves me, but it's never enough. I feel like a vampire.

I've questioned my own worth as a person when potential friend after potential friend has reacted negatively towards me because of something that I couldn't really accept because it seemed so hateful or bigoted or intolerant. Similarly I could never understand why my friends never treated me like a best friend when I loved them so much.

I've questioned my femininity when I could never manage to attract a good boyfriend who would be loyal to me. I could never understand why loyalty was not a given, in a relationship.

I've questioned my rights to expect fair treatment from my loved ones, when I don't share an equal amount of the work. I've accepted any treatment, without having the ability to leave any situation. I was grateful for what I got, and never was beaten.

I named my blog "My Haunted Mind" because I picture myself as a woman sitting in a chair and she has a haunted mansion for a head. The haunted mansion is my mind, all these years haunted by something I could never define yet was barely perceptible all around me and never suspected within me.
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I vagus-ly feel sick?

Posted 05-07-15 at 06:07 PM by icarusinflames
I heard about a research study that will stimulate the vagus nerve to see if it helps ADHD children improve in specific areas such as attention, moods, etc. There was already one completed study with such positive results that evidently some of the U.S. parents in that are ordering the device (to own it and continue to use it on their children) from Canada.

I'm seriously contemplating this. I can identify already with the vagus nerve by studying how it runs through the brain and into the gut. It affects how you feel when you panic, a "fight or flight" reaction and also how you feel when your body is telling you to relax, there is absolutely no danger.

I think of the ADHD people who are almost fearless because they simply do not panic in the face of great danger! They get excited! They thrill to it. and rock on to it.

Thinking of how I feel when I'm sitting and doing nothing, and I have a lump in my throat and I have a sinking feeling in my chest and gut. WHY? There is nothing wrong.

I think of how I often lay here with all my responsibilities about to crash down and destroy my life, yet I feel no panic. I only feel paralyzed and a quiet dread.

The vagus nerve affects the larynx too, as well as other things in the throat. Is this why we ADHD children were always yelled at to shut up and settle down? We were too loud and acting like it was something bad going on.

When the vagus nerve is stimulated, it calms you down. WHen the vagus nerve is understimulated, you would get panic?

I'm vagus-ly horrified! lol
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