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Part 3

Posted 11-24-09 at 02:14 AM by ginniebean
In my enthusiasm to change my life, to attain my goals, I was eager to hear of the methods involved in assisting myself. The answers have been already worked out and finally I can succeed. I want to be that success story my ego craves.


I noticed the temptation to fudge, to pretend I am more competent, successful than I am. I don't care for this sort of dishonesty because hey, that's not real, it's playing a role. Being a model of 'successful' adhd disability has never been my goal and what a weight that has to be.




What investment do I have in playing this role? Not a rational one so why was I playing a game I don't actually respect? I return to the subtle messages that asserted with no hint of doubt, that with enough determination, grit and elbow grease I'd be indistinguishable from normal.


I'd have good boundries, I'd have little trouble socially, I'd achieve my goals, live up to the potential and my house will be neat and tidy. All that and I'd not have horrible romantic relationship issues tho most likely I'd drive some poor NT nuts should I even consider having a relationship with one.



Well, that's the carrot. And where there's a carrot, .. the stick. What's the stick? The stick being the messages that deviation from diligence and vigilance of our behaviour is excuse making irresponsibility. “ADHD is a reason (not an excuse)” The first few times I read this statement I thought, yes, right on.


When I began to notice it's frequency and that it appears as an obligatory caution/warning on every webpage devoted to practical help, and many posts on this very forum it started to take on the flavour of indictment. Why would it need to be said with such frequency if using ADHD as an excuse weren't extremely prevalent?


For me, it no longer was an affirmation that I was not making up excuses I actually did have a reason, it became a condescending message of being scolded like a naughty child.



The implication was that I must resist playing the ADHD card with the assumption that I actually do. I started to feel positioned, not as an adult who came seeking to make my life better but rather as one suspected of using unethical means to slide out of my responsibilities.


Messages of this nature undermine the ability to be confident in our self awareness including awareness of disability. I have great difficulty with many expectations that are considered normal and most likely always will due to a brain difference with no cure and the messages of irresponsibility and excuse making appear to be denying the validity of what is most certainly a very real and disabling difference.



(to be continued... )
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Comments

  1. Old
    leapofaith's Avatar
    Reason vs. Excuse

    An excuse is a explanation for doing/not doing something we are capable of.

    A reason is an explanation for not having the ability/capability to do/or not do.
    Posted 11-28-09 at 10:48 PM by leapofaith leapofaith is offline
  2. Old
    ginniebean's Avatar
    exactly so leapers...
    Posted 11-28-09 at 11:56 PM by ginniebean ginniebean is offline
 
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