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The Buck stops here!

Posted 10-22-10 at 07:45 PM by wIzd0m
So, remember when i said we lived happily ever after? well we did in my head, but the reality was we never did. After being together for 8 years we ended up separating, with me now in my own place, and her in hers. She has my children and I have what I always have had. My mental illness. Now, that we are on reality, and not in my life from mars, or my life of bliss, here are the cold hard facts.

I suffered all my life without being diagnosed, dealing with sensory issues alone, dealing with anxiety issues alone, and dealing with life generally alone. Dont feel sad for me, I am not looking for anyone to be sympathetic. But I do want to educate those NT's and those who suffer from mental illness that you can make it work. And here is the happy ending you all have hoped for.

While I thought I was leading a blissful happy life, with a family,mortgage, and a wife, I was snapped into reality when my wife finally had enough. She was really ready to leave me. So why is my story different then most breakups of marriage? Because due to my illnesses, and lack of seeking help for them, I was losing my family that I had always hoped of having so that I knew deep down I was not from mars, but just a normal human with a few quirks. During our 8 years I had neglected everything, and crawled into a shell. Now not using any stimulants other than smoking, I had no way of coping with sensory issues, or my anxiety issues, or the zoning out I had from adhd.

So what? You handled yourself through life as a ghost in your school, and already had one child? Well, I suppose I did fly under the radar back then, but the last 8 years have been the worst for my illnesses. I hated dealing with money, so my wife did all the bookkeeping, regardless of my spending habits and continuing we will be fine, I will find money somewhere. Our 3 children were diagnosed with many of the same symptoms that I suffer and some of them are worse. Most people would think that I would become very supportive, but I in fact did the opposite. I tuned out the world, sat on my pc for 18 hours a day and just ignored anyone that tried to talk to me. My eye contact became worse, the feeling of intruding someones space while looking them in the eye, or the feeling of dealing with somone elses illness when i had my own forced me to shut down and become destructive to my own surroundings. I was blinded by selfishness, and pushed my own family away. After 35 years of living in this world wondering if I come from mars, or why the heck they would make lights and TV's that flicker I finally got an answer. I suffer from mental illness. After seeing and understanding it now, I have a new outlook on my life, and a new meaning to excel as a human but not a normal human. I am me, and I am not ashamed that I get angry at lights, or automated phone services. I am not ashamed that it takes me a bit longer to focus, as this is who I am. I plan to help those children, like my own and others who suffer from similar pain and sufferings that I went through. I plan to make sure that our children of tomorrow don't think they are from mars, but that they are ok to feel the way they do. Mental illness is a challenge for both the parents and those who suffer from it. And as the title says, let's make the buck stop here and educate to make this world a lot easier for those parents and children, so they do not end up living as long as I did thinking they come from another plant.
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