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Can't confirm but many patterns

Posted 09-24-08 at 02:42 PM by golfslam
Hello everyone I joined the board to get some insight on ADHD. A little about me. I am 41 never married male. It took me 14 years off and on in college to get my degree and this included many trips to the campuses of 4 schools where I'd sit in the car instead of attending class. It goes without saying that I dropped alot of classes and money. I have had 1 serious relatiosnship up until this point that failed. Now I am afraid 2. I have always had trouble concentrating, boredom, fidgeting, studying, keeping my mind on track, communicating what I mean, what I want and worry among other things. Sometimes I am very confident and other times overly sensitive and not confident. I am assertive at work and just recently through my relationshio started at a Christian church after growing up Catholic.

Now my very significant to me ex. She is 45, divorced for 6 years with 3 kids at home (19,16,11). I have a great relationship with the 19 and 11 year old. When the two of us met she had been split up from a relationship of about 3 years. This came into the middle of our relationship for the 1st 6 months but then after a month with him, she let him go and we got back together a short time after. It seemed we were doing great when all of a sudden a week after Valentines we split. She cited that she did not deserve me and should figure out if she loved me by being alone. this was the same as before only the ex was not involved. We got back together and she told me that she was absolutely certain that she made the right decision.
Now...it may be sad but I suppose that due to the lack of my communication skills, I am not certain that she has been diagnosed with ADHD. Her 16 year old is and is on medication sometimes. She has alot of problems with him....alot. And he does not care for me at all because he had a good relationship with the ex bf. There are consistent discipline problems with the other 2 but primarily with the older one. Her parents and two brothers families as well as extended family and friends think I am the greatest thing to ever come into her life.
Anyhow, here we are again split up very abruptly with the same reasons. Frustrating to say the least. I have noticed she tries to pick fights with me right before the ball drops. She is successful in career but takes her 1 1/2 hours to cook breakfast in the morning,mundane tasks go undone seems like forever, There is always something.

Well I am obviously in love with this person and have to go with my gut for a while about that. I am afraid that I contribut either through ADHD myself (testing set up in Oct), anxiety problems, anger management problems or simply just depression resulting in poor communication skills. She had a book called ADD and Romance out on her bedstand for about 3 months and I dont know if she purchased or if it was given to her by a previous counseler or friend. The condition of the book indicated that she has never read it but I picked it up this Monday at bookstore and read it because since she had the book and always said she is ADHD I wanted to learn more because I care.

I am afraid after reading the book that it is definitley over for us and that she will never face up to the fact she may have something in her make up that makes relationships other than friends difficult. I am concerned with myself of course but also her youngest child and his development. Is there any way at all that I can or have her brother suggest that if she is not tested to actually get tested and if it turns out she is ADHD get help. Any other thoughts would be welcomed also.
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