...

I've been doing a lot of self-study on this topic over the last few years and putting together a framework for me to better understand how my ADHD works. Here's what I can share so far.

-People with ADHD have brains that crave Stimulation (Stim). It makes us seek excitement and avoid boring, mundane tasks.

-At any given moment, we have a 'Stimulation Threshold' of what is interesting or stimulating enough to hold and keep our attention.

-The height of...

When I walked into your room I saw you, and you already died.

I wanted to be with you and hold your hand when it happened but .. that was not to be.

So, I sat with you, I held your hand, I stroked your head. For half an hour I just sat and looked at you.

I asked to have time alone with you. I spoke, it's not that I had anything left unsaid. You knew you were loved and there was no unfinished business.

I just wanted to honour you with...

In the last 2 years ive learned, adapted and accepted so much about self. About the new me. The new life I'm intended to lead. Though I cant helpbut miss pieces of the old me. The unaware, misguided, blissfully ignorant me.

Without going into the horrifically long story of how I got to this point, this may seem a bit scattered and nonsensical but I'm okay with that.

Ive reached the point in my post-diagnosis period that I'm starting to mourn the loss of my old self....

no emotions felt, no words spoken, no definitive real... no self to identify with, no narrative explanation, defined or undefined purpose. all trust placed in that cheshire cat grin floating in the abstract. A world of appearances, of trust in probability, of unshaken belief, of outstanding lies and misguided truths. everything crumbling, crumbling...

A single shrill may disrupt all comfort found in the following silence.

A final breath may burst the childs balloon...