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Captains log of troubleshooting steps taken, results and analysis of physical, emotional and intellectual response.

Documentation to aid in resolution of known corruption in operation system code language translation and possible multiple shorts in circuit wiring, resulting in CPU malfunction.

(Research notes may include but are not limited to to following; frustration, whining, fear, anger, grief, denial and extremely dark and dry humor...please consult your owner's manual for interraction warnings before opening)
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Brain Chatter resuming in 3...2...1...go for launch..

Posted 02-11-10 at 08:40 AM by carped1em
WTF mate!?!
It's now 3:30 a.m. & I'm kicking myself for starting this blog & wasting my speed chill on writing nothing, instead of sleeping!





The lure of a few refreshing R.E.M. cycles is nothing compared to the absoute seduction of:
  1. Thoroughly cleaning all the rooms in my house, organization of piling systems, boxes of...whatever included.
  2. Finally organizing the 500+ photo CD's and negatives in a box next to my desk. -field note: Items in photo box appear to have bred at a much slower rate during 3 years of habitation than the pile of mail in the next box over.
  3. My brain makes it's own meth!
  4. The concept of linear time is quite outdated and should be done away with immediately. Google's very proud of the fact that it took 0.30 seconds to pull 29,300,000 results for linear time algorithm....
  5. I wonder if the brain microchip keyboard programming would work with an AD/HD brain.
  6. I want to order the Jedi Mind Trainer toy that works off of brainwaves but I keep forgetting to search for & order it. (k, found it on google, it took them 0.26 seconds for 39,000 results, but it's 74.99 & I'm trying to impose a spending cap of 10.00 during insomnia rule. I'm pretty good about it on the internet. The credit card/paypal process takes way to long)
  7. I really can't wait to see what kind of technology is common place in 5 years.
  8. There is a working invisibility cloak in reality. (0.28 seconds)
  9. One of my socks is stuck in a gob of dried purple paint, on the butcher paper birthday mural on the floor under my big easel.
  10. I'm out of splenda & it's 4:30 am, in February & the only car I have is a 1992 Civic hatch with a curled front end. My race partner Jobin's sister crashed it the first day after I was committed, while he was in the passengers seat, talking on the phone with me. They made me hang up & go make a dream catcher because it was recreation group time...I didn't protest because that crash sounded bad & I was too scared to know for sure. They're both fine but the car is dead so driving to the store for splenda is out of the question.
  11. I think I might have just singed my eyelashes lighting a cigarette. My Mom & hospital therapist discouraged me from quitting soon after going home. I've quit many times for extended lengths. I always quit caring after about 2 years smoke free. I usually start again with cigars.
  12. I just noticed the melted piece of leftover ice cream cake that I started yesterday afternoon & forgot about when I started my blog mission.
  13. I found only 2 pieces of toast with one bite out of them today. I think they were from last night or yesterday morning.
In the last 24 hours, I've listened to at least 3 songs, but mostly full albums by; Massive Attack, Leonard Cohen, The Bravery, Feist, Elefant, Eminem, Band of Horses, The Killers, David Bowie, M.I.A., Ben Harper, Cat Stevens, Lil' Wayne, Missy Elliott, Green Day, White Stripes, Gnarles Barkley, The Shins, Gorillaz, Ottmar Liebert, The Pixies, Jimmy Eat World, Built to Spill, Modest Mouse, Cake, Mac Dre, George Clinton and a few more I can't remember that I played on a different music program.
When I was checking out therapists on the outside, I asked them one question. I knew that I could get a fair idea of their vibe if he/she could tell me three favorite bands or genres.

The first said he didn't really like music. He said he kept an oldies station that plays '60's-70's when there are other people in the car but didn't really listen to it other than that. As we were walking out, he said that no one had ever asked him that question. I didn't ask him to clarify whether he meant during a session or in his lifetime.
I did tell him that I thought that was something he should probably marinate in for a while. He just gave me that tight, practiced concern with a hint of warmth (usually consisting of the corners of the mouth pulled slightly up by the cheek).
I cancelled all future appointments the next morning.


My new therapist couldn't narrow it down. He could only tell me what genres he enjoyed with x or y activity. He has a wacky instrument collection. Much more my kind.
  1. It's 5:20 a.m. & my dog is crying in her sleep. I wonder if she's whining in her dream or if it's like trying to scream and only squeaks come out or if she's barking it up on the dream side. Sometimes it freaks me out enough to wake her up so she'll stop.
  2. I wonder if they make a 12 step for hyper active insomniacs transitioning to amphetimines. The trip of being sober with my brain/body is too addictive. I love the creative thought flow & crazy adventures but they're much harder to come by medicated. These are the hours that I question the trade off & then I remember.
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