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Vyvanse Day 1 May 18, 2011

Posted 05-18-11 at 01:30 PM by Murphybear
Diagnosed by a friend who told me in a moment of honesty that it is "exhausting" keeping up with my "channel flashes", I took to Google. Oh how mis-informed the world is! "ADHD is just fancy name for hyper kids" and "Doctors are so quick to drug kids because the parents can't handle them" OMG!! Are you kidding me?!

I am 30 years old, and when I read the symptoms for Adult ADD I cried like a baby. It was my life on paper. Then I read the symptoms for female children... and the crying turned to sobbing. How could my parents miss this? How in the world did they let their little girl with her head STUCK in the clouds go on with out diagnosis? Well, it was the late 80s for one thing, and the internet was a twinkle in the future. I'm gonna be tough about this, and say that they did the best they knew how. I will ALSO add that telling their baby girl up into her 30s that "you don't pay attention!" "you never listen!" and "when are you going to learn to think before you open your mouth?!" well... it just plain leaves scars.

SO! Why am I here? Well, after my internet self diagnosis, I found a local doctor through my provider at work, made an appointment and managed to keep it. I'm sure I freaked him out as I blubbered my symptoms and tried to explain the constant "static" in my head while trying my best to hold back my hysteria and fear of somehow being wrong about this, I managed to get it all out. "There are a million pages fluttering around in my head, and I just want to put them into file cabinets!" He was very nice. He asked me some questions. He was very diplomatic about my answer to his question of my religion being "atheist". He told me that the therapy is three fold: Mind, body and spirit. He told me that everyone believes in something, and that I must still strive to have my spiritual needs met. I told him that for me, this was more of a "one with nature" kinda thing, and he said that he thought that was good. As for the body, keep getting my chunky butt to the park (ok, he didn't say that, but you get the idea). And as for the mind, perhaps a small dose of Vyvanse to start with. See me in three weeks.

Boyfriend:
We have been together almost 2 years. He is a very young 52 and I, as stated, am 30. We fit. It works. The heart wants what the heart wants and all that jazz. He accepts me for me, and cheers me on. (Despite the fact that I don't finish ANYTHING, my half of the bathroom counter is utter CHAOS!, and I change topics quicker than AOL changes their headlines (ya know that scrolling thing?). Anyway, I lucked out... and so did he

Boyfriend dealing with "this ADD thing":
Oy. Let me back up a bit. R (we will call him) is retired from the army. He spent most of his 20 years in the field and was specialized in pharmaceuticals. On one deployment (Germany, I think), his pharmacy began to notice a HUGE increase in Ritalin prescriptions. Long story short, lots of unfocused kidd-os and lots of skinny mommies. IE, his main concern was that I wasn't trying some new fangled weight loss scheme. After much discussion... reading articles together... citing childhood examples... citing ADULThood examples... I had him mostly convinced. On the day of my appointment, I turned down his offer to come along, and hit the road. When I called him on the way home with an official diagnosis, he took on a serious tone and said "hurry home, but be careful...I love you...and bring chicken?" (we love wings from Zaxbys... it's our thing ;-)) When I got home, he asked me what I needed from him in the way of support. I said "chicken...daily". Well, not really, but you get the picture.

I read a little about "to tell or not to tell"...OK. Here is where I climb up onto my pink sparkle soapbox. TELL. Maybe not every Joe Blow you meet on the street, but, the people who you see daily? TELL! This is why I say this... My friend, remember her from up top?, well, she is LOUD. We work together, and she was teasing me about my SEVERE lack of focus that day, and said that I didn't have a "deficit" of attention, I had none, and that they shouldn't call it ADD, they should call mine AG for "Attention Gone!" Enter T (we will call him). "Who has ADD?" he asks. Well, I say, I think I do! He snickers and puts on his big fat self righteous face and says with a sneer, "you don't have ADD. I know people that have it. You're not crazy like they are. Trust me, you don't have it". You could have fried an egg on my face, I was so mad. "how do you know? what have you read? where does your information come from? examples, dang it! tell me WHY EXACTLY you feel so dang confident in saying that!" erhm... or something like that. The conversation ended with him saying that he had NO IDEA that some of the things I told him were symptoms, he was very sorry, and he would ABSOLUTELY do his research before opening his big fat mouth on the topic again. (Again, paraphrasing ) TELL PEOPLE! INFORM them!! If my parents had been better informed, I could have been focused from the beginning, and not daydreaming about the amazing successful life I could have had.

Don't think I have a boo hoo poor me mentality about this, oh no! I am enrolled in school, start classes next month, happy in my longest relationship EVER (and I have been married twice!), and overall, attempting to understand this craziness that has cluttered the desk of my brain for the last 25 years. I am slowly putting the papers into files and labeling my file cabinets. I feel better being defined. There IS a reason for the crazy things I do! There is a REASON I feel that I have to work harder than everyone else to do normal things like pay the freaking bills! There is a disorder called ADD, and I have it. I wish you all luck on your adventure, and hope that you may all find the power to educate.
Much love,
M
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