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The Mind as a Prison

Posted 12-04-08 at 01:51 PM by shocker147
I am really down in the dumps these past three days. My mind is shackled and chained by ADD. For me this illness (perhaps "disorder" is a better choice of word) is not merely irritating, frustrating, depressing; this disorder is destroying my life. This must stop.

I know I have severe ADD. It is debilitating to such an extent that I have trouble getting out of bed. My brain just goes 1,000 miles per hour with tasks I know I must complete. The problem is that they don't get completed. I procrastinate, procrastinate, and procrastinate because sitting down and concentrating on school work is so mentally exhausting. Before I was diagnosed with ADD my ex-girlfriend would try and try to get me to sit down and do my homework. I remember I had to write a paper for my British Literature class. The immense psychological pain of having to sit down, organize my thoughts, and produce a paper left me in tears. I don't cry easily -- rarely, in fact. My mind was so anguished that I cried at the age of 23 in front of my girlfriend because I knew that organization of thoughts and presentation in an organized fashion was more than I could bear.

My main problems:

1) Procrastination. I will procrastinate an assignment to the very last minute. Then I will beg for an extension and typically get one. Do I complete the assignment within that time frame? No. I procrastinate some more. Why do I procrastinate? Because I think about all the other things I have due and it's impossible for me to rationally allot proper increments of time and assign proper priority to tasks.

2) Something grabs my attention and I am completely enveloped in whatever that may be at the moment. I cannot tear myself away from this "attention-grabber". I know I have an assignment due, but this new thing has my attention and there is no escaping it.

3) I am 28 years old now. I have been a full time student since I graduated from high school ten years ago. I'm not going to proclaim to be a genius, but I know I'm highly intelligent. I cannot graduate from college however. There are too many fascinating things to study. I have failed countless classes due to procrastination as well as inability to manage time and assign priority. All my peers have graduated and moved on with life. I am stuck and I hate it.

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Total Comments 2


  1. Old
    If you have been in college for 10 years who is paying for it and how many times have you changed majors? Have you had any jobs while going to school that you enjoyed doing? You may have a hard time in interviews when you do finish school regardless of your major. Also are you taking any meds and if so what type.
    I would suggest just major in anything at this point just to get the degree and explore opportunities outside of school.
    Posted 12-08-08 at 05:03 PM by bbfolly bbfolly is offline
  2. Old
    musicman64's Avatar
    Your story scares me. I am 44 and feel like I'm on the hamster wheel all of the time. It seems a little worse now but only because my wife finally left for good and I'm faced with spinning on my own. It was the ADD for sure
    Posted 12-11-08 at 02:17 AM by musicman64 musicman64 is offline
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