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Captains log of troubleshooting steps taken, results and analysis of physical, emotional and intellectual response.

Documentation to aid in resolution of known corruption in operation system code language translation and possible multiple shorts in circuit wiring, resulting in CPU malfunction.

(Research notes may include but are not limited to to following; frustration, whining, fear, anger, grief, denial and extremely dark and dry humor...please consult your owner's manual for interraction warnings before opening)
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New Painting #2

Posted 02-25-10 at 06:34 AM by carped1em
I didn't start the painting the other night. T. (exhusband) came over & we hung out. It's very complicated, like everything in life isn't, right? We make much better friends than a couple. It's been about as strange as everything in my life.
As completely horrifyingly ugly as our marriage and divorce were, we're that okay now. He and my Mom were my only anchors the first few weeks out. Two of the last people I would have expected.

So that's why I didn't start the painting. I started it the next morning when I was getting ready for Jobin & Dre to come over. I had left the pallet out the night before but the paint was still wet. I just grabbed a brush & started going to town.

It sat on hold again while Andrei & I played for a while. I had to go to an appointment with an attorney for a small claims case I won, that the jerk appealed after the deadline. The court can't refuse a filing, so I got to pay an attorney to have it stricken & continue collecting on. (judgement is near 10K so worth fighting for)

My Mom had been talking about this particular attorney for several weeks.
Saint Justice became a client of my Mother's through some expansion plans for his law partnership.
She brought him up in nearly every conversation, always ending with, "you really need to meet this guy. He is so amazing." which is really only once a day, but still... I thought it was a well meaning attempt to help me appreciate my blessings and realize that life is too precious to throw away. I know, you would think that with the way she was talking about him, it would be some sort of attempt at matchmaking.
I'm absolutely sure that is not the case. He has returned from Europe to finalize his affairs, due to his end stage pancreatic cancer. The expansion plans are part of a trust he's set up to ensure that his family and law partners are well taken care of following his departure.
So you see, in light of my recent existential ennui, the motivation would appear to be guilt, enlightenment, anything but a date.

We pulled up to his law office, which was a giant brick house in a midtown oasis. It's a couple of acres in the middle of Salt Lake. The property is a couple of acres with artesian wells and springs running through it. Two English Mastiffs ambled up from the stream and toward our car. Duke, the petite, weighs in at a solid 248 lbs. and Snapper, the baby, an estiamated 300 lbs. Estimated, because he broke the vet's scale. They are so big and adorable, they look more like creations out of Jim Henson's muppet lab, than just dogs. They created a wall of dog on the floor around my chair during our meeting, occasionally smelling my dog & cat on my feet or nudging me to pet them. Their heads are as big, or bigger than mine.
They only know commands in German. That is so effing cool.
Saint Justice is a perfect mix of House (or even just Hugh Laurie) and my friend K.K. K.K. is a crazy, punk rock, trust fund baby who is a complete anti government, civil rights, porche lovin' gun nut.

Jobin has been looking for an attorney for an entirely separate matter. We have been knocking ourselves out trying to find one that he could afford, who could do what he needed. Saint Justice to the rescue!
As my first meeting with him was wrapping up, I discovered that he was exactly the attorney to help Jobin and (surprise!) he had time available today.

Jobin has only stayed over a few times since my commitment. He had gone back to his new home, in another city, when I left for my meeting with the Saint. I called him when I was finished and told him to come up immediately. We had to put together all of his information and a timeline for his new lawyer.

During the evening, we talked. Really talked. We've spent time together since my midnight hike, but it's remarkably different. He agreed but did not elaborate or share any thoughts or feelings about it.

The spooky connection that brought us together is still there in spades, but there is an elephant seated firmly between us. I wish I could say it was resolved but the wound I caused in Jobin is far, far deeper than I imagined.
I threw it all out into the light. He was quiet. Processing. We went to bed.

Our relationship has been bizarre from the beginning and I'm pretty sure that the last few months have blown his mind.

Jobin always spoke my language. He's only one of two to do so, eloquently enough, to hold my attention completely, constantly & steadily. So far.

He's the older brother of a friend of my son's & he hung out with my son occasionally in high school. His family owns body and mechanic shops and he's worked on cars and raced his entire life.

I met him when he was 14 and he was an occasional fixture at our house. He was a nice enough kid but we never really talked. He disappeared for about a year and a half, when he moved in with the sister he now lives with. He came up to go to a race event with my son and spend the weekend. After the event, my son crashed until the next day. Jobin and I started talking, as people, and never stopped.
He never really went home after that, well, until a month ago.

He's 19, which is still weird, given that I', not 19. He is friends with my son, yeah, I know, cougar town anyone? It's really not like that.

We have been completely platonic from day one. We shared a bed for 3 mos. and never so much as a kiss. No, he's not gay in the least. Yes, there is phenomenal chemistry, there would have to be in order to spend nearly every minute we weren't at work together.

We talk to each other about everything, sex was no exception. Given my track record with relationships, and the potential of our racing team, I simply love him too much to sleep with him. He is my best friend and I've never connected with another person like I do with him.
I hate the distance between us right now.
I can only hope he is everything I believe him to be and we will emerge stronger for this.

Our new magical attorney friend had my case pretty much wrapped up by the time we arrived. Jobin's case appears to be VERY promising and I saw real hope in him for the first time in a long time.

After our appointment, we all walked out to have a smoke, Saint included. Jobin's sister had arrived to pick us up. I took Dre out of the car to see the horse dogs. THEY LOVED HIM! We all proceeded to walk around the property for another hour talking story.

Saint Justice extended an open invitation to all of us to drop by anytime with my camera, my dog or just us. I know now why my Mom knew, even before we needed an attorney, that we needed to meet Saint Justice. I don't know what will come of this odd, new friendship. I don't know if the lesson is mine, Jobin's, Dre or even the Saint. I only know it's significant.

The first layer of the background on my new painting is drying now.

It was an extremely intense, wickedly strange, perfectly blessed days. I'm very curious to see what comes out on the canvas.

No matter how it ends up, It's begun, my teritory is re marked and mine again!

-note; I did start and possibly finished, not sure yet, a dry run in acryylic of the sketch I drew in the E.R.. I still want a version in oil with different coloring. The sketch is about an inch cubed on the corner of a stolen staff notes pad. The sketch and where the painting stands now are the thumbnails below.
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