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A difficult day

Posted 09-10-08 at 05:25 PM by jkeelsnc
I am new to these forums. However, i was diagnosed ADD many years ago in High School. I often feel that I have never truly been able to find the amount or the right kind of help to move forward in life the way i want to. In addition, to ADD I now suffer from two addictions. One involves alcohol and the other sex addiction.

Well, getting past that I understand how it is for anyone with ADD/ADHD. Forgetting things, having trouble staying organized, and difficulty with maintaining to attention to others. These are all problems which I face every day. I am quite sure that I can find a way for my life to better.



However, today I came into my 1AM operations management class. I was happy at the time because I had finished the homework assignment and done pretty well with it the night before. Part of my routine every evening is to make sure that all my books, notebooks, etc. are in my book bag for the next morning. Unfortunately, I seemed to have forgotten to put my OM notebook in my bag last night even though i could swear I did. Well, I got to class and realized the notebook was at home. The professor would not take my homework late and not even later today. I was madder than a hornet and now I am just depressed. He will not take it even on a lower grade later. Well, it is only 2 points of the total 100 for the class but it still hurts.

It seems that I always manage to do something like that right when I am "back on track" again. I really do not like this self sabotage and the feelings of self hatred and not being good enough. I also do not like having trouble with organization. I did my best but I fell flat on my face. The only answer that I can tell myself now is that I must double check everything I do. If I put all my books and notebooks into the bag I need to check them a second time to make sure that everything I need in the bag is there. I must improve this experience and do a better job of keeping up with things.

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Comments

  1. Old
    The bane of ADD, organization. The skill that could help the most is the skill that is the most difficult to master.

    I like to keep the following in mind when organization seems totally beyond reach, it helps to maintain perspective.


    Calvin: That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.
    The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, p190-2
    Posted 09-11-08 at 07:18 AM by veritologist veritologist is offline
  2. Old
    If you focus on the stuff you find difficult I believe you could possibly send yourself mental.

    Now I believe it is important to focus on something you are good at in order to begin to come back into balance.

    Focus on the brilliance that 'this' affords. When people constantly disappoint, see your self as better than that, take the high road.

    And hey you have ADHD, put in context you are doing REALLY WELL. Most people with ADHD dont get near where you are in your studies. Other peoples ignorance is just that. Find intelligent people to talk to. Add them to your list of friends.

    Sex addiction. Yeah I can see how this could be a problem if you dont have an outlet to express your feelings in other ways. I think if you are on the spectrum your feelings can be that much stronger. Good and Bad in extreme.

    Given other judgemental attitudes in society it is no wonder that you have pent up feelings of frustration. Give yourself a break and see yourself as a product of circumstance looking for ways to overcome.

    Alcohol, depressants never really did it for me except when I took Prozac. Then I became almost an alcoholic. Weird aye. Drink yourself 'straight'? Who knows. Was pretty out of control though and created a whole heap more stuff that I didn't want to face!
    Posted 09-14-08 at 05:01 AM by Anna000 Anna000 is offline
  3. Old
    Thanks for the input guys and the encouragement. These forums are exactly what I am looking for. Today has been OK though I am tired but we all have that at times.
    Posted 09-16-08 at 03:30 PM by jkeelsnc jkeelsnc is offline
  4. Old
    3 years later and I am back. What can I say. I am depressed, lonely, and feel like a failure today. Since my last posts I graduated from college which I am proud of. However, today I got fired from my job working for a very very high end restuarant doing catering for events at a high end hotel. Everything was about perfection and I really tried to deliver perfection. I couldn't even come close to the mantra of managment which was "think 5 steps ahead". Heck, I was having trouble with things right in front of me to be worried about what would happen in 15 minutes. Anyway, I forgot to pick up the dressing bowls after a round of salads and then I forgot to pick up the salts and peppers after the entree was removed from the table. This combined with my occasional hesitation "to figure things out right" got me fired. They didn't want any kind of hesitation not even for a slight pause. I wanted to give perfection and I failed. Why are all these companies like this anyway? They want as much as they can squeeze out of you with absolute perfection as fast you can run. Now, I understand why at a place like a VERY fine hotel but even still it always was a struggle and I only lasted six weeks. Doesn't anyone in this world want a human being for an employee rather than a perfect, programmed, computerized robot?

    What do I do now? This is a problem in any job I take even in the IT field for which I have more passion and experience but there again many times you work with and for those who expect absolute perfection and delivered precisely at the time they want it NOW. What do you do with this situation?

    I feel lost in the world at the moment and I don't know what to do. Any ideas, suggestions. resources, etc? I am going to contact a local county center that provides some funding for outsourced private counseling again. I really need to do that. I think that is starting over again at square one.
    Posted 09-30-11 at 01:14 AM by jkeelsnc jkeelsnc is offline
 
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