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A Brief history....of me...

Posted 02-08-08 at 11:33 AM by scottm
Since everyone else is posting stories of themselves I thought I might do the same. Or at least try.

I got thinking last night about how and why I do the things I do. All my years, up until the age of 25-27 I never got hooked on drugs, booze or medication. I was in a very high stimulating job with extremely high stimulating activities outside the job. I count myself lucky as I have experienced things that few people get to experience.

It was later, around 2000-2001 that I got involved in a very high stress job. My Crohn's came back and was consequently put on the gamut of pain pills. Then I became dependent..then addicted. I admit, it's ruined a few gigs but still never came crashing down until 2005-06. When I was told I required a second surgery.

After the surgery my doctor kept feeding me pain pills...often times giving me a months supply every week or two. It grew worse.

Through the help of my family, I ceased all medication, detoxed myself and sought help elsewhere. This time, using a new doctor and an actual psychiatrist. However, things just haven't been the same.

My personality has changed in such a way that I can hardly identify with myself anymore. I feel terrible about what I put my family through because for all those wasn't was someone else.

I really don't like medication - or at least I never did before. I'm just left wondering how the heck I came from someone who never wanted nor sought any synthetic drug to someone who is told they now require it.

I still joke the same way, I do love to get out and be active more now..however all desire to further myself has evaporated. I'm not sure if this is a result of past medication or current medication. Or, if it's not medication related but finding future endevors hard to top the past ones.
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Total Comments 5


  1. Old
    ~boots~'s Avatar
    what sort of job do you do now Scott?
    Posted 02-10-08 at 07:53 AM by ~boots~ ~boots~ is offline
  2. Old
    scottm's Avatar
    I'm a computer programming working in Military Simulations. Part of the job is coding realistic models of vehicles, ballistics,blast damage and so on. We train canadian, us, australian, UK, afghan troops prior to deployment.

    The other part of the job deals with creation of terrain. Everything from low risk to high risk areas.
    Posted 02-10-08 at 02:40 PM by scottm scottm is offline
  3. Old
    scottm's Avatar
    I guess the depressing part of the job comes from the fact that what we do at work can weigh heavily in a life or death situation. Usually a life of a soldier and the death(s) of another.
    Posted 02-10-08 at 02:43 PM by scottm scottm is offline
  4. Old
    I had a friend with Crohns. His name was Glenn; many called him sloth.
    He was one of the wisest, kindest, loyalist individuals I've ever known.
    I loved and respected him very much.
    Not in spite of all that he dealt with, but because of it.
    I wish I'd told him that.
    Posted 09-16-08 at 06:10 AM by Anna000 Anna000 is offline
  5. Old
    HelpB's Avatar
    I relate to your story. I don't feel normal, "I" don't know where I am, but I'm not me. I've lost my zest for improving myself and I, too, do not know where to start looking for the cause. Is it the meds or is it my diet or just the state of my current situation.
    Posted 05-29-09 at 09:33 PM by HelpB HelpB is offline
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