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Stunned into Silence and Overwhelm

Posted 05-27-13 at 08:27 AM by Blanched Dubois
So, someone told me that my 'story' basically made them awestruck it was so pathetic. It stuns people into silence. That's what it does to me and with the ADD it's almost a kindness.

I have to put my 'feelings' aside about what I feel about head injuries and ADD and extreme experiences that ended up pushing my son and I out of our 'home' to land near the person who abused me all my life.

Sometimes I guess to spare us further pain our own brain will remain in denial for a long time. With ADD and a brain injury and spinal injury dealing with an adult child now who's only just received his 'diagnosis' and needs a lot more assessments all I can do is sit here and feel deflated. It's sobering. It can be depressing, I guess, too.

I don't want to have this pitiful story. It's true but it's so depressing who would want to know about it? Now I know why I'm considered a 'hard luck' case and the pity just makes me want to spit.

If that's 'pride' so be it. Sympathy is not even suitable. Empathy is a rarely expressed and more appropriate response my son and I have not experienced. Instead, it's always a reaction of 'get over it' - 'it's over' but it isn't and you can't 'snap out of a situation that you have no control over and even if you did would 'snapping out of it and being present' make any difference?

Nope. Validation and respect is what I think is most appropriate first and then ones like us can start to heal from 'it all'. The world would appreicate it if they didn't have to deal with us. I've noticed this by the reaction of 'friends' when I became fully disabled. Not only was I looked at like I was 'crazy' or a 'liar' but I was treated like that by people I thought respected me.

I'm learning that instead I was a 'walking mark'.

I hope I can find a lawyer to take a malpractice suit for me because I'm pretty sure without a chunk of real change coming down the pike this life of ours, my son and I, is going to be more and more about Dr appts and less about enjoyment - kind of like the last 5 years.

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