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The Dog Blog

Posted 05-10-08 at 01:15 AM by Asylum
I'm seriously re-naming my dog Trouble, because she's this tiny thing that causes me inordinate amounts of stress. She has bad issues with chocolate. (Did you know dog's actually do get addicted to an ingredient in chocolate?) She will go to any lengths to get it. She once got into a container with a screw top lid and ate all the chocolate peanuts inside. I was actually impressed until she started throwing up.
When she's not binging on chocolate and vomiting she's getting into the garbage and decorating my small back yard with it. She has smelly dog farts and a horrible yap. She refuses to leave the spot on my bed in the cold mornings to go out to pee. I have to bribe her. I'm shivering in my nightee, standing at my back door and barely functioning on a cognitive level and waving boned-shaped treats around until she reluctantly decides to wander out.
She was mistreated before i got her and if you even look at her wrong she will literally drop to her knees and cower. I try to toughen her up. When she looks pathetic i yell 'Butch up, princess!' which (perhaps unsurprisingly) doesn't work. I push her away and she rushes back and we keep this game up until she gets over-excited and starts grabbing my jumper and snapping. Its shamefull dog management i know, but i can't stand the cowering. My last dog was a Rottwieller. This thing is smaller than my cat, which she harrasses on a daily level. (If my cat had money, it would put a hit out on her.) But the next time she gets into the garbage or eats the chocolate bar i had hidden in my desk drawer she's back to cowering and shaking and looking at me like i'm a monster just because i'm yelling '*****!' at the chucked-up goop on my carpet. I'm buying shares in my favourite carpet cleaner. (Carpet Power - the carpet cleaner that acutally works!)
When i walk her she tries to take on any dog that barks at her from thier yard. And she's dead serious. She. . is. . going. . to . . KILL. . that. .dog! If it wasn't for that leash man, that would be one dead and mangled puppy. Yes, its a German Shepard and capable of sniffing her up with one deep breath, but its lucky to survive its close brush with death and should count itself lucky.
People sometimes smile when i'm yelling 'Leave that dog alone!' to the tiny blip on the end of my spaghetti thin, embarrasingly pink doggy harness. So at least she causes humour among strangers.
I once had two guys from my local counsil come to my door to tell me she was pooping on a nieghbours lawn. I got a stern, five minute lecture. Is this humiliation worth the few times she plops her paws on my knees while i'm writing with friendly, tail wagging companionship??
When i go out to see my horses, which i keep on my parents small property, she spends the entire day sucking up to my parents and my brother who lives nearby. She has them all under the thumb. My Dad is not the warmest person on the planet. The sight of him smiling and patting my dog is overwhelming. On the occasions he actually picks her up and cuddles her(!) i have to check if i'm awake. He has said more words to her in the few years i've owned her than he has to me in my entire life!
But i'm not jealous.
My brother is her very favourite person. Once when i was driving back to my hometown she sat bolt upright in the passenger seat, ears swivelling, body quivering, and a car coming from the opposite direction appeared and went past - it was my brother. She covers him in white fur and generally makes it clear she prefers my family to me, because they don't make her get out of bed to pee, they don't shove worming tablets down her throat or make her wear ridiculous little coats in Winter. They just make soppy faces at her and let her take over the couch. She chases my horses around and jumpes into their bucket feed, which p*sses them off royally. If my Thoroughbred had money, it would go halfsies with my cat.
I sometimes wonder why i even have a dog. I don't believe the medical studies showing people who own pets live longer and have lower blood pressure. I once had a Doberman-cross called Chyna who chewed up two books from my 'North and South' trilogy. It just wasn't funny. If someone had taken my blood pressure at that moment i would have been thrown onto a stretcher and taken to emergency. But i've replaced those books, and Chyna, who died many years ago, is still so sadly missed my heart aches when i think about her. So i guess the answer lies somewhere in that little tale, the difference between belongings and that living spirit, or whatever you want to call it, that shares our lives.
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  1. Old
    Zach326's Avatar
    Sounds like she at least provides you with material for humorous dog stories.

    You never mentioned her name though :)
    Posted 05-12-08 at 05:36 PM by Zach326 Zach326 is offline
  2. Old
    Asylum's Avatar
    Its 'Saddle.'

    I know, its wierd. Her breeder named her that becasue she has a patch over her back. I run around my yard yelling 'Saddle!!' 'Stop that, Saddle - bad Saddle!' God knows what the nieghbours think. I'm hoping they just assume I have tourettes.
    Posted 05-25-08 at 10:58 AM by Asylum Asylum is offline
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