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Rating: 2 votes, 4.50 average.

Exhausted

Posted 12-30-08 at 10:30 PM by RedHairedWitch
Exhausted


I had visitors this week, well for like 4 days and 3 nights anyways. They left this morning.
Oohhhh man do I hate having people in my house, especially for a long time! I am so worn out, tired, strung out, and a little depressed.

It was just supposed to be my friend (lets call her Sarah) and one other friend (lets call her Angie) who are basically my only two RL female friends. But Sarah decided to bring her boyfriend last minute (Rob, lets say). Okay, fine, I get along with men better than women and they have been together for a while now. But surprise surprise, they showed up with a friend (Dave) of the boyfriend as well. Without any warning.

When I saw 4 people get out of the car, and one a stranger, my social anxiety went through the roof. OMG is my house clean enough? Do I have enough sleeping space? Blankets? Towels? How do I explain the broken toilet or the shower with ****ty water pressure? Or my broken down truck, or my dog that is afraid of strange men due to the abuse she suffered before I rescued her, or the litter of puppies in the pantry/herb room?? aaaaaaahhhhhh!!!

Then just as I’m standing there with a fake smile frozen on my face and my heart pounding, Sarah whisperers in my ear “I brought Dave because you guys are sooo perfect for each other, I just know you’re going to hit it off!”

Oh no no no no no no! Please gods no. 4 days spent being stared at by my friends as they try to force me into this relationship with a strange man I know nothing about, who is in my house and I can’t escape because I have to be hostess???

Yeah well Dave is a total NTer, and Mr.GQ perfectly groomed in a cashmere sweater. I didn’t know men wore cashmere sweaters. Im afraid to own something like that because I’d destroy it! But the girls were so sure we’d hit it off because we are both pagan and artistic. Whatever, this guy is a total city mouse. The whole “welcome to the farm, hope you brought grubbies and keep your shoes on” did NOT impress him. Ugh.

I have spent the last few days desperately trying to explain away the bit of clutter in my home, how a farm is always messy and muddy, about raising and rescuing dogs, knee deep snow, why I can’t fix my toilet or afford to fix my truck etc etc. All while trying to be a good hostess and make meals while keeping the kitchen clean and so on and so forth.

I had expected a nice, laid back hang with the girl not having to shower, shave, and be well dressed, hair done and do my makeup every day!!!

If I had blown this guy off right away my friends would be insulted and upset, and I’d have a sulky man in my house, so I had to smile and try to be pretty and not be a clutz and … oh yeah, did I mention I tripped over my own feet, thus stubbing my toe and breaking it all while falling flat on my face and earning laughter from everyone as I fight back tears of pain and humiliation?! Argh

Have I mentioned I am still healing a broken hand as well?

Be witty, be funny, be pretty, don’t burn dinner, don’t leave things on the kitchen table, make your bed, do laundry, clean up after dogs, smile, smile, smile, flirt and laugh. Tell a joke, follow conversation, no wrinkles, comb your hair, and don’t spill anything on anyone.

Im so tired, so worn out, so high strung. I just want to curl up and cry for the next three days. Happy New Year!

Yes, most days I am high functioning … for an ADHDer, but never ever will I be able to keep up with the expectations of a man in a cashmere sweater!

I feel messy, sloppy, disorganized and gross today.

I feel hopeless today.

So I flattered and smiled and desperately tried to figure out how to lose this guys interest without doing something that will come back through the rumour mill to haunt me, or will hurt friendships with the few people I have in my life.

I’m a good friend to men, but I am bad when I am actually interested in one. I make the one major mistake a woman must never make. I pursue. I simply cannot sit and simper, play hard to get, act disinterested, let him come to me. I am not that girl. I have had a hard life and thus I am a fighter. I fight, I lead, I take charge, I pursue, I don’t lay down, I don’t wait for rescue. And when it comes to getting the guy, finding Mr. Right I lose. Lose, lose, lose, lose. I scare them away by being to confident, “arrogant”, honest, open, and by being to forward, impulsive and “making inappropriate comments”. I am somewhat hypersexual and I will say things at the wrong time, too soon, and it comes across as slutty, though I am not and never have been promiscuous. How can a girl be a **** when she chases men away just by showing she likes them?

But this week that worked to my advantage, I chose to be myself, and it worked. Like most men, he was scared off by a woman people refer to as “The unstoppable force and unmoveable object at the same time”

I hope I did it alright, I hope I didn’t insult my friends. They smiled as they left. But people can be so false, they smile and it’s a lie. And its so hard to tell.

I am grateful to my friends for trying. They know how lonely I am. How much I long for a man in my life, a partner in crime. They were sweet to try.

There are somethings where I am high functioning, but not this week, oh gods.

I hurt today.

Happy New Year.
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Comments

  1. Old
    ginniebean's Avatar
    OH sweetie, that's just awful! I totally understand how frazzled you must feel after such an ordeal. I think that might drive me to drink to the point I am completely bombed fall on the floor in front of them and pee my pants. (not really but still, it sounds like one solution)
    Posted 12-30-08 at 11:12 PM by ginniebean ginniebean is offline
  2. Old
    RedHairedWitch's Avatar
    Thanks
    Posted 12-30-08 at 11:25 PM by RedHairedWitch RedHairedWitch is offline
  3. Old
    I hope you have recovered Red. I was curious as to where you had disappeared off to.

    Can I admit to finding your account from the perspective of "other side of the fence" humorous? Your account of "stay-over hell" could be the basis of a great short story, at the least.

    Do ya think I can get by with wearing my suspenders over a cashmere sweater? If I don't wear them my pants fall down...
    Posted 12-31-08 at 12:57 AM by Retromancer Retromancer is offline
  4. Old
    Phantastic's Avatar

    Rhw

    It pains me to see someone as brilliant and beautiful as your self so saddened.

    I promise you that any individual of 'real' character would easily see past such silly things as a messy house. If they could manage something as simple as that, they would find behind it all a supreme being with great foresight.

    You help animals because you are compassionate, you don't have time to clean your house because you are too busy being fascinated by the wonderful thoughts that dance around in your head.

    Living in an artistic fashion has absolutely nothing to do with impressing morons in silly sweaters, it is much more then that... I think you should take the attitude that you simply don't have time for the small minded, they will always fail to see you for what you are because they do not have the tools required.

    While I do lack many qualities that please people of convention, I think I do have a mind complex enough to define you in way which manages to capture at least a fraction of your complexity...

    I can some it up in one word: Profound. :-)
    Posted 12-31-08 at 01:54 AM by Phantastic Phantastic is offline
  5. Old
    XxMichellexX's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by RHW
    Oh no no no no no no! Please gods no. 4 days spent being stared at by my friends as they try to force me into this relationship with a strange man I know nothing about, who is in my house and I can’t escape because I have to be hostess???
    OH MY GOD
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by RHW

    If I had blown this guy off right away my friends would be insulted and upset, and I’d have a sulky man in my house, so I had to smile and try to be pretty and not be a clutz and … oh yeah, did I mention I tripped over my own feet, thus stubbing my toe and breaking it all while falling flat on my face and earning laughter from everyone as I fight back tears of pain and humiliation?! Argh
    When it rains it pours..


    Sorry to hear about your long days..

    Posted 12-31-08 at 02:04 AM by XxMichellexX XxMichellexX is offline
  6. Old
    RedHairedWitch's Avatar
    Thanks for the hugs and support guys

    *sniff sniff* I love you guys!
    Posted 12-31-08 at 05:24 PM by RedHairedWitch RedHairedWitch is offline
 
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