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Why can't people understand me?

Posted 10-28-08 at 05:48 AM by no1understandme
I have Bipolar, Which to a normal person thats pretty scary, But to me i've had it my whole life they only Noticed it when i was 8 years old. I have a daughter they wont let me have because her father thinks i'm crazy. He don't have her either She lives with my mom which lives in Michigan and I live in Tennessee for right now. I'm with my new baby's daddy. and he don't understand anything and i wish there was a way for me to be able to explain to him how i am and how this works.Well its tuesday the 28 of October its 5:30am and i haven't gone to sleep yet cuz my brain wont stop thinking and he keeps asking me to come to bed and i just tell him i'm not tired. I'm 15 weeks Pregnant and trust me if i wasn't pregnant i would of took sleeping medicain. Cuz thats the only way i normally sleep. I'm on ssi because i can't work. which he don't mind. But theres realy nothing to do here i'm at the point where i need to just spend a week with my mom and i'll be ok again. i only have a break down every 6 months which seems like alot for most. I just turned 21 on the 4th of October and i just really don't want to become a DRUNK thats my biggest fear. cuz i know how i was before i turned 21 so god now that i can just go buy it and drink all i want. I don't do drugs i take anxity meds but thats just so i don't freek out on people. I love pain and my family hates when i put my self in pain. i'd rather have someone beat the crap out of my the yell at me Yelling hurts me more then someone beatting me up. I'm at the point in my life where i don't even want anything to do with anyone i just want my babies and i want people to leave me alone. If anyone wants to talk i'm always here and maybe you could help me and maybe i could make a new friend. Oh and my life is a BIG HUGE sercret. I don't let to many people in my heart. Well i'll be back tomorrow i need to go call my mom
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