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Letting.

Posted 12-11-12 at 05:54 AM by ElleGazelle
After many in and out weeks of learning about ADHD, I think I am finally starting to understand both the negative and positive aspects of this condition.
Many times I am frustrated with the fact that upon entering a room I am automatically participating in all of the conversations happening, all at once. Perhaps the best equivalent to this would be 20 different blaring radio channels that have the same frequency, loudness and are located in a circle around you.
Grasping at threads of full thoughts is quite frustrating. I always managed to talk and participate in every single conversation, but the actual enjoyment of socializing became such a tedious task, that I would prefer to isolate myself with one person in order to be able to enjoy the company of my friends.
Hence every time I would take a holiday from the medication and general training (life planning, basic daily brain "exercises") I would always realize that I was completely avoiding human interaction as a whole, when a friend or now, my husband would remind me that I have not been around friends or family in a couple of weeks.

Feeling "sane" was like a wonderful pair of $600 Bose headphones, which cancelled out everything but the conversation i wanted to focus on. However my acquaintances started noticing that I have changed a whole lot, become more serious, focused and not as wordy (goodbyeeeeee verbal diarrhea...)
There is nothing wrong with changing. In fact, I welcomed the more straight forward and structured brain of mine, like a shiny new TagHeuer watch.
Sometimes, I do miss the hectic mess of the radios. Sometimes I miss the immediate distraction to everything and anything. Sometimes.

But sometimes comes so rarely, that it feels like nostalgia over an old toy: You remember that you really loved it, but you understand that you would not ever care to have it back, because there would be no use for it.

A
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  1. Old
    where can i get those head phones !!
    Posted 12-13-12 at 02:12 AM by minuss minuss is offline
 
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