i've gone without meds for three days, and I'm pretty much suicidal. Even if my doctor will prescibe more Ritalin, my boyfriend has decided it's not a good idea for me to be on Ritalin right now- possibly not ever again. Maybe he's right- but not being on Ritalin is also a really bad idea, considering the situation. Saving my relationship and getting better will require a lot of strength, a lot of effort, and I right now, I haven't got enough energy to take a shower. I got diagnosed with Borderline...

After another war with my boyfriend caused by him treating me like **** and me abusing my meds again, I admitted myself to a psychiatric hospital on Sunday morning. I had to do something drastic, not only to get help, but to show my boyfriend I'm willing to do anything to save this relationship, to get better, stop abusing, stop acting crazy all the time. I've been in mental institutions three times before- I spent three months in a hospital last summer, and I'd sworn I'd never admit myself volounteerly...

I abandoned this blog ages ago, and I'm not sure I'll stick around- but for now, I need a place to rant, why not do it here?

A lot has happened since my last post. I've met the love of my life, experienced true happiness for a while- then it all fell apart. I started abusing Ritalin again, and it's damaged a relationship that was so good, maybe beyond repair. Falling in love have also triggered a behaviour that makes it obvious that the Borderline diagnosis I got when I was 19, and...

Broder Daniel-I'll be gone

I won't last long
soon I'll be gone
I won't last long
soon I'll be gone

it's all the same to me
there's nothing to see
it's all the same to me

I feel so weak
I won't last long
I feel so weak
weak in the world

it's all the same to me
there's nothing to see
it's all the same to me
I'm not made to last
I'm not made to last
...

Not the drama queen, anyway. Why do I always halways have to make a big deal about anything? I was walking back from the grocery store yesterday, and suddenly, I fell down, in the middle of the road. I had seizures, it was so scary. Then I became unconcius, and woke up in an ambulanceI I was rushed to the hospital, and they ran a bunch of tests, and decided that is was probably just lack of sleep and food that had caused it. They forced me to stay there overnight, I was released 4 hours ago. ...