http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php ADD Attention Deficit Disorder Forums and Chat en Fri, 09 May 2008 23:58:05 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.addforums.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php?b=380 Fri, 09 May 2008 20:44:48 GMT I guess I get on a soap box from time to time. I am wanting to write a book yes, but I want to confirm to all of you that I too want to connect with others too. That is actually more important. I think it is clear that I am as forward as they come. But I am really so insecure and unsure of... I guess I get on a soap box from time to time.
I am wanting to write a book yes, but I want to confirm to all of you that I too want to connect with others too. That is actually more important.

I think it is clear that I am as forward as they come. But I am really so insecure and unsure of myself. I actually have been going through so much and have never really been able to escape the stigma behind this label. I have always felt "crazy" I have always done whatever it takes to get attention. At this stage in my life I have started to actually open my eyes to this. I don't want to be a label. I just want to be myself. If I am writing like this, it is not because I am writing a book. Its because I want to know that I am not alone. I am a compulsive spender, I smoke to keep myself still, I get uber focused on things that are not important. I don't want to be like this, but alas, this is what I have to work with. I just want to know that I can stop it, because my head knows all this but yet I can't stop. I thought since I love to write, talk about myself (ha) and seek attention then writing a book about what has been a part of me for so long would be my road to accepting myself. By no means am I using you all as my lab rats. I just want to make friends, just like anyone else.

So if this is a place where I can talk to people (not my therapist or psychiatrist) and meet people who maybe feel the way I do, then that is what I need more than anything. Not a book, but friends who get it. ]]> erin1997 http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php?b=380 http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php?b=379 Fri, 09 May 2008 19:21:59 GMT Hi people. Im just wondering if it is possible to search members by their location? I know a few people who might be on these forums, but I have no idea who their usernames are. So im hoping that I can do a more specific search by using location. Thanks Fraser Hi people. Im just wondering if it is possible to search members by their location?

I know a few people who might be on these forums, but I have no idea who their usernames are. So im hoping that I can do a more specific search by using location.

Thanks

Fraser ]]> Fraz_2006 http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php?b=379 http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php?b=378 Fri, 09 May 2008 17:44:42 GMT Don't know my exact route yet but next week, my 2-year old and I are heading down to Kansas and staying at least one night in Wichita. Then we'll be heading to southwest KS for a cousin's graduation. As long as it's not too far out of the way, I'm notorious for crossing state lines. LOL. Can't help it. If I'm close to a state line, gotta go! Last time I was in New Mexico, it was because of that. I can't tell you anything exciting that happened there and it wasn't a cool New Mexico town but it was a different state so it was worth it!. So if anyone's remotely close to Southern Nebraska, heck, ANY of Kansas, Northern OK, East Colorado, Oklahoma Panhandle, etc.......and if you want to meet, let me know! ]]> Uneek1 http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php?b=378 http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php?b=377 Fri, 09 May 2008 17:00:34 GMT Discovered two websites. StumbleUpon.com and Del.icio.us. Put both of them on my computer....but the went to Internet Explorer! I'm used to AOL! So I'm trying to get used to Internet Explorer PLUS the two new sites! And are they going to help me actually be productive? Probably not! LOL. ]]> Uneek1 http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php?b=377 http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php?b=376 Fri, 09 May 2008 11:29:50 GMT What I really like about these forums..is that its a place where people with ADHD can get meet togethor and understand each others problems. Free from judgement from mistakes and past mistakes. Of which I have made alot. Generally its mainly people who have ADHD who come on here..so I feel free... What I really like about these forums..is that its a place where people with ADHD can get meet togethor and understand each others problems. Free from judgement from mistakes and past mistakes. Of which I have made alot.

Generally its mainly people who have ADHD who come on here..so I feel free from judgement.

I cant take being judged for every thing I do. Then always feeling paranoid that Ive done something wrong. I can't take it.

Ive been a liar in the past..a bad liar...some of the crap ive spun. But Ive decided to be honest these past couple months..about everything my life, ADHD, how i think.

I want to be a good person..I want to just be me, no lies, no crap, just honest..I want truth more than anything. But its like everything I do or say, no matter how honest I am, Ive said the wrong thing, Ive said it the wrong way, Ive offended someone.

I dont want to do that...Last year, I had the worst year ever. I almost killed myself..seriously! I also went thru every negative thing that had ever happened in my life and overexagerated it times 50 - in my mind, outloud everywhere...
It was like a downward spiral. Ive gotten myself out of that. I just want to be straight up and honest about everything. I went thru a bad patch ..Life wasnt something I enjoyed..

I think its just easier being on your own sometimes..less people to judge you, less people to hurt without meaning to.

I have brought it upon myself though. Last year I did alot of crap..Its only fair that I pay the price for it.

Ökay now all this is out..back to positive..time to move on...its a new year..a new phase of life...please dont judge me! ]]> 4gotAgain http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php?b=376 http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php?b=375 Fri, 09 May 2008 08:16:34 GMT Dear Valued Customer, Here at Fukitol Inc, we truly care about our customers, and not in any sexually overt touching-above-the-knees way, as suggested in several recent current affairs shows. And this is why we have felt the need to promptly reply to your recent letter of complaint, regarding a... Dear Valued Customer,
Here at Fukitol Inc, we truly care about our customers, and not in any sexually overt touching-above-the-knees way, as suggested in several recent current affairs shows. And this is why we have felt the need to promptly reply to your recent letter of complaint, regarding a delay in your yearly delivery of Fukitol.
Its seems from the tone of your letter that you are unhappy with the length of time taken for your delivery to arrive. This is most regrettable. We would like to assure you that Fukitol Inc treats all orders as priorities, and we especially regard customers of Fukitol Jumbo Economy Size, such as yourself, as most important. Unfortunately, some orders of Fukitol have been delayed due to circumstances beyond our control. It seems some courier services have taken a personal issue with some products made by our company. We would like to assure you that recent reports of addiction and subsequent actions by some individuals are vastly over-stated and exaggerated. In fact we have recently completed an independent study on the very small side-effects that are to be expected with all medicinal* treatments. Unfortunately we cannot disclose the results of this study at this time, as the medical centre used for this study is under investigation, but rest assured, we are dedicated to bringing you, Valued Customer, a product that is of the highest quality possible**! So although the issue of your delayed delivery is not as a result of anything local, we would like to nevertheless send you a complimentary offer. As a member of Fukitol Inc’s self-help book club, we are sure you will be delighted by the enclosed coupon, which entitles you to a 20% discount on our Book Of The Month. ‘Stop Before You Stab!’ is the latest work by self-help guru Angiva Café, who’s last book ‘The Pathway To You - In The Shortest And Most Direct Route Possible, Depending On Your Own Personal Level Of Accountability - A Personal Story’ was our most talked about book last year***!
We hope you are satisfied that your latest delivery will arrive at your doorstep as soon as possible. We would also like to remind you that all death-threats are taken seriously here at Fukitol Inc, so while you are being distracted by reading this letter, our star-force team is currently stationing themselves in various parts of your garden, balcony, or army surplus-made perimeter. If you feel in any way anxious about this response, please refer to the many pamphlets Fukitol Inc has sent to your over the years as a free service, and keep your Fukitol close.

Yours most sincerely,
Complaint Department of
Fukitol Inc.
(Name withheld for security reasons)
* The word ‘medicinal’ as used in this document is pertaining only to its descriptive meaning, as in our product being taken by individuals who understand it to be medicinal, although Fukitol Inc in no way claims this product to be FDA approved and therefore cannot guarantee said product contains any ingredients which are, as yet, proven to be medically relevant.
** By health standards of Borneo and all related companies.
***Fukitol Inc makes no claims on the nature of these comments nor, by this statement, is responsible for any subsequent purchases.
]]> Asylum http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php?b=375 http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php?b=374 Fri, 09 May 2008 01:15:44 GMT I can't seem to find the religion thread! Sorry, but I have ADD. LOL. So I'll make a blog instead.

The other day I watched a thing on Way of the Master with Kirk Cameron and some other guy (I used to love Kirk when I was a teen.) Basically about how to talk to people about Jesus. That's what I need. I don't talk much about Him to others like I should. So I figured it might help me. They have an evangalism program going, Book, CDs, DVD's, etc. (I think it's WayOfTheMaster.com) I was into it until I read some reviews on Amazon.com. I'm definately not against the program. But I don't think it would work for everyone. People like me, for example. It's designed to scare the hell out of you....literally. Like the 10 Commandments. Do you commit adultry? If you lust after someone (Jon Bon Jovi for example. There's my example), it's commiting adultry in your heart. Lying. I try not too. By omission is more my style. Wanting what other people have. There's three of the 10 right there! So Kirk (who I was looking at like, "Hmm..He still looks good! Which commandment was that?) and the other guy was saying how if you don't repent, you're going to hell. And that's not just praying and asking for forgiveness. You need to turn from it altogether! That's basically how the program scares the hell out of ya. Ok, it sounds great for some people! It would work for a lot of people! But not for people like me. It got me depressed. Thinking "I'll never go to Heaven! I'm too bad! I can't change!". Now I'm not a totally bad person. But those commandments are getting me. I don't cheat on my husband. But as for the lusting, how do you get cured from it? Am I not praying hard enough? It's not like I do it on purpose. What's really considered lust? Taking the Lord's name in vain. Ok, I'm good at that one. I don't swear....much. If I hit my knee hard enough. (that's a four letter s-word) or if the kids get me mad enough (that's the four letter D word). So it's not taking the Lord's name in vain but it is swearing. And it's not an everyday thing for me but still....

Basically, Kirk and the one guy wasn't doing their job. They weren't scaring the hell out of me...instead they were making me doubt myself!!!

Any course on the 10 Commandments out there? For those who need fine tuning. Casual cussers? Or those who don't go around raping but have problems with good looking movie stars or musicians. Or, the Idol thing. What's being a huge fan and what's idolizing?

That's my thoughts for the day. I don't wanna go to Hell!!!! ]]> Uneek1 http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php?b=374 http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php?b=372 Wed, 07 May 2008 16:52:30 GMT I am an attention seeker. Mostly because when diagnoses at age 7 with ADHD, I was the only girl around that was popping Ritalin.
It was the early 80's after all. And Ritalin was the cure. The silencer. And I took it for years.

Since no one really knew about ADD I had a really hard time fitting in. I was always talking and moving around and on the drug, I was, well I don't remember, but I think "drugged" is a good word to use.

I was the daughter of a minister in a small town, I listened to pop radio all the time and loved to sing. I always thought maybe if I were like Whitney Houston or Madonna that everyone would like me, and it wouldn't matter that I was me. I dreamed of being a writer and wrote poems and stories and journal entries when ever I could sit still to do it.

I once went to a friends in the 5th or 6th grade, and my mom of course packed up my Ritalin and gave the parents detailed instructions about when I was to take it, yada yada yada... It was normal for me. I took it everyday. The following monday the little girl came to me and said that she couldn't play with me anymore. That her Mom said that I was different, or something. I don't really remember. But it was the first time I realized that I was different. Or really felt not different. I always felt dfferent, but I felt like a freak. Like I was broken.

My mind will analyze every situation. I am compulsive. I do things that I regret, even if there is nothing to regret. It never stops and I don't want it too. But when you are a 10 year old girl, quieting your mind, is your only wish. Sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never harm you... bull ****.


I am trapped in this little box,
Destroying all that I see.
All that I touch.
I cannot do this.
I don’t think I can do this.
I want to let go and give up.
I want to throw it all away
And hide.


I am being someone I am not
I am trapped here in this little box.
The walls are caving in around me
And I cannot get out.
I cannot get out and I cannot
Find the light switch.
It must be here.
Oh well, I don’t want anyone
To see.

What if I could fly away?
Close my eyes and fall from the sky
Only to be swept away by the wind
To be carried away.
No worries.
Nothing to think about, but the feeling
The feeling of not ever going back.
Ever.

I cannot live like this anymore.
I cannot breathe like this anymore.
But I know it will never stop.
The fear of being me is so
Overwhelming and I cannot stop this
I cannot seem to step out of the box.
I cannot get out, because I am trapped.
And everyone hates me
But mostly I just hate myself.

I hate myself.

This is crap.


by ErinR. ]]> erin1997 http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php?b=372 http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php?b=371 Wed, 07 May 2008 05:30:09 GMT Argh..I just wrote a whole 4 paragraph blog and accidently deleted it..so will try and write it all out again..frign annoying!!

I know I really am blabbing on about everything but I'm really trying to understand how my mind works. And it seems like theres still something I'm not explaining properly..
ADHD forum seems like the right place to write this as it may have to do with the ADHD-style of thinking..? Im not sure..?

I know I defnitely do think in images and moving images primarily. But i also do think in words (occasionally)..the odd phrases and flashes of words. Though i naturally think mostly in images. They say that autistic people only think in images..I'm not autistic..I do have a grasp on vocab as my IQ score shows. I can read a word and see an image..Sometimes its harder saying the word I mean though unless its playing in my mind..sometimes if i have an image in my mind its easier just to use simple words to describe it...

My vocabulary is defnitely getting better..Ii think that has to do with the fact I look up words I dont understand and then mentally picture the meaning in my mind.
I can read quite well but have more problem with comprehending what I am reading. If I can see a whole word then i can read it. But I have trouble when comprehending an article or blog etc..and do not get the big picture so cannot put it into a picture in my mind.
I can comprehend words singularly..quite well if i have learnt the meaning to them..but if im reading a whole article and cant get the big picture in my mind..then i cant comprehend it..

At school i used to do pretty well in tests and exams but only if i studied the night before...A day or two later I would forget everything I had learnt..I think i only ever learnt the word and not the meaning behind the word..so i wasnt fully comprehending it..I could often remember the word as it was written on the paper i studied..

Often i also find that I will say something and mean something else..sometimes i just cant find the right words to describe what i think or see? That is why it can seem like i repeat things over, just using different words?

I also do often just anser without thinking..esp to questions..you can tell by a persons facial emotions and the way they speak what they want you to say..Its really lazy actually..But at the same time I often just listen out for certain words..usually when you hear certain words and then think about previous events with the person you talk with..you can work out what they are talking about anyways...I just cant be bothered thinking sometimes..or my minds somwhere else..

In writing my sequencing can be horrible and I have to go back and redo errors and put it into the right order. Also putting in fullstops and capital letters etc..its easier just using the whole dot dot dot thing. I also miss out alot of words..usually small words like the, it, and etc..and have to redo them.
Thats why its easier using the computer..you can just fix mistakes easily.
Its really easy to see mistakes...the sentence just doesnt look right..
When you think fast its easier to just get it out and then fix it up..


heres another list of Visual-Spatial Learning..

Has visual strengths
Relates well to space
Is a whole-part learner
Learns concepts all at once
Learns complex concepts easily; struggles with easy skills
Is a good synthesizer
Sees the big picture; may miss details
Reads maps well
Is better at math reasoning than computation
Learns whole words easily
Must visualize words to spell them
Prefers keyboarding to writing
Creates unique methods of organization
Arrives at correct solutions intuitively
Learns best by seeing relationships
Has good long-term visual memory
Learns concepts permanently; is turned off by drill and repetition
Develops own methods of problem solving
Is very sensitive to teachers’ attitudes
Generates unusual solutions to problems
Develops quite asynchronously
May have very uneven grades
Enjoys geometry and physics
Masters other languages through immersion
Is creatively, mechanically, emotionally, or technologically gifted
Is a late bloomer


I think I fit alot of those criteria.
I'm Defnitely a late bloomer..Everything seems to be making alot more sense now...Ive learnt so much lately.I think that is why my IQ increased so quickly.

sorry i do blab on but I dont think I can really understand anything until I can fully understand myself and my thinking process properly..how else can i reach my full potential..? ]]> 4gotAgain http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php?b=371 http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php?b=370 Wed, 07 May 2008 05:02:26 GMT I was diagnosed at 7 with ADD. I am now 31. I want to use this site and others to start to meet others that have had similar situations as me throughout there lives. I want to meet the people who have been stuck or are stuck in jobs that do not challenge our amazing minds. I want to meet the... I was diagnosed at 7 with ADD. I am now 31. I want to use this site and others to start to meet others that have had similar situations as me throughout there lives.

I want to meet the people who have been stuck or are stuck in jobs that do not challenge our amazing minds. I want to meet the people who have overcome that and are doing exactly what it is that they want to do.

I want to share my story and hear the story of as many of you who are willing.

Over the course of my life I have always loved writing. It has been an amazing outlet for me. It is the only time I can get my point across. It is the only time where I can think before I speak. I want to meet people who along side myself are willing to stand up in this world and make a real statement about this disorder. And I want to write about it.

This is the first move for me, a procrastinator, a day dreamer, mildly OCD, and constantly thinking and not doing, into doing exactly what I want. I want to write and I want to share my experiences with others and I want to learn more about this "disorder". I want to proclaim that being ADD just makes me a powerful amazing super human, not a lazy bum, who isn't motivated.

Tell me your stories. I will share mine. I have so much that I want to learn about myself and about others who have similar or even absolutely different experiences.

Peace and I look forward to reading some tales, and posting my own. ]]> erin1997 http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php?b=370 http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php?b=369 Wed, 07 May 2008 01:33:33 GMT Well ive found this blog, so i might as well make use of it. Here i will be posting how my meds are kicking in, or not. Right now im on my 6th day of 10mg/day adderall XR, and im still pretty unsure of any difference. After 2 weeks my dose goes up to 20mg/day so maybe that will show more obvious... Well ive found this blog, so i might as well make use of it.

Here i will be posting how my meds are kicking in, or not. Right now im on my 6th day of 10mg/day adderall XR, and im still pretty unsure of any difference. After 2 weeks my dose goes up to 20mg/day so maybe that will show more obvious results.

A bit about me:
-Im 22, almost 23.
-5''11 - 6'' Tall
-blond hair
-I got plenty of interests, paintball, tennis, baseball, snowboard, skydive, hunting, camping, bowling, pool, canoeing, golf, mountain climbing, video games, jumping around (thats an interest, sure it is), flash animation, and a few more. Yet i only do a very few of those do to motivational issues, plus all my friends are a bunch of pussies (wheres the fun in paintballing alone?)
-I work full time building cabinets, where i spend my day hitting things with my mallet, dancing, singing, and of course, jumping around


Anybody want to know more, comment on this blog :)

Also check out my uploaded pictures, i got one of me on a tank :) ]]> prillix http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php?b=369 http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php?b=368 Tue, 06 May 2008 19:55:59 GMT Shh, don't tell Wall Street...

It's A Recession To 4 Out Of 5 Americans


By Catherine Clifford, CNNMoney.com staff writer
6 May 2008


NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) -- A new poll shows that more Americans than ever before think the economy is in a recession.


A national CNN/Opinion Research Corp. poll released Tuesday found that 79% of respondents - nearly 4 out of 5 - believe the economy is now in a recession. That is up from 74% of Americans in March, 66% in February and 46% just a half-year back.


MORE ]]> Retromancer http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php?b=368 http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php?b=367 Tue, 06 May 2008 10:54:23 GMT Image: http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t152/ramanavr/Blog/label.jpg In a recent discussion {Forcing opinions on others}Why are there so many anti-drug treatment people on here? (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=51784) I was in the notion that there are people who are placed...

In a recent discussion

{Forcing opinions on others}Why are there so many anti-drug treatment people on here?

I was in the notion that there are people who are placed into categories became apparent. I think we have know this for some time however the discussion finally allowed this knowledge to be openly discussed for the first time that I am aware of.

The particular labels in question are those referred to as “anti-medication” and “pro-medication” . In the beginning of the discussion it was post that were labeled “anti-medication” however when the entire post was read it became apparently that the author was referring not just to a post but a type of person who responded to post requesting information about medications with responses that discouraged the use of medication entirely.

An excellent point also brought up many do not like labels and feel the application of such categories is not a good thing. Although I respect the person who expressed this “anti-label” point of view. I certainly can relate to a difficulty in labeling and categorizing stuff never mind people

I really agree with the idea but then again I sort of don’t because some thing doesn’t seem right, there seems to be a missing piece some where.

Labels can be bad and used in very bad ways – racial labeling has been use to cause a great deal of harm so has labels referring to sexual preferences age and religious beliefs. In the end is there really any one who can claim to be “label free”?


If labels are inherently bad why continue the practice.


Hmm isn’t this an ADD community – how did so many people end up finding this place. I some times read the profiles of members and one of the most common ways members find us in via Google search. They were searching for an ADD community ????? If we completely eliminated labels like pro-medication and anti-medication then ADD would cease to be also because it too is a label. If it were for the label of ADD then we would never have found each other – so how can labels be all bad if they allow people who share a certain trait to find each other?


Labels are not good or bad in themselves but how we use these labels in our interactions with others that makes that determination and even Maybe it isn’t the label that becomes negative only the behavior generated by those who fear the diversity that the many variations of labels force us to see.

Or is there any diversity at all to which such a thing as labels need to exist?

Moral Philosophy Meets Social Psychology


Stereotype Directionality and Attractiveness Stereotyping: Is Beauty Good or is Ugly Bad?



Self-efficacy changes in groups: effects of
diversity, leadership, and group climate



effects of labeling students learning disabled


Labeling Theory ]]> meadd823 http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php?b=367 http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php?b=366 Mon, 05 May 2008 07:18:40 GMT *How Bad Is The Mortgage Crisis Going To Get?* By Jia Lynn Yang, Fortune Magazine 17 March 2008 What started in subprime is likely to continue cascading into the markets and keep the economy down until 2010, economist Paul Krugman forecasts. Bottom line for homeowners: An average drop of... How Bad Is The Mortgage Crisis Going To Get?

By Jia Lynn Yang, Fortune Magazine
17 March 2008

What started in subprime is likely to continue cascading into the markets and keep the economy down until 2010, economist Paul Krugman forecasts. Bottom line for homeowners: An average drop of 25%.

...

Can you compare this to other economic crises the U.S. has faced?

The financial stuff looks like a combination of 1990 and 2001, and probably bigger than both combined. You've got the financial disruption, which is probably bigger than the savings and loan crisis. And you've got the loss of wealth from the housing bust, which is bigger than the dot-com bust. So this looks fairly nasty. And then everybody who's paying attention is worrying about the Japan analogy. Japan never had a really severe recession. It just started with a recession and never really had a recovery for a whole decade. And that's the kind of thing we're afraid of.

You've been saying 2010 is when we get out of this recession. How did you arrive at that date?

The last recession officially ended after eight months, but employment didn't start to recover until 30 months later, so I think we go at least that long this time. If the recession started in January 2008, then that would mean July 2010 is the first month we have anything that feels like a recovery. But I wouldn't be surprised if it goes longer than that - maybe into 2011.
...

MORE ]]> Retromancer http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php?b=366 http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php?b=365 Mon, 05 May 2008 07:12:54 GMT Yes, here I am, once more bobbing about with no life raft, no help and no idea. Oh joy.
I told the phychiatrist the medication I've started wasn't working. This, for some bizarre and inexplicable reason, led to him suggesting an anit-phychotic.
Man oh man, I wished I could have seen my face when he said that!
'Of course' he didn't mean I was phychotic (it must be noted this was not pointed out with any great hurry) merely that it could help with some of my other 'symptoms,' like sleeplessness and anxiety. Which would be great - if I was having a problem with sleeplessness and anxiety.
(I should perhaps point out that my phychiatrist is, in fact, an idiot. This may lessen the amount of eyebrow raising anyone reading this may do while reading of his questionable standing as a compassionate human being. I don't want to be responsible for any eyebrow sprainage.)
Once that i had, in my stumbling and inarticluate way, establised that A) I am not phychotic and B) I am not looking to treat anything but ADD at this moment and C) There is no way in the sunny green hills of Hell i'm going to take this particular medication thankyou very much, he reluctantly had to admit he knew 'little' about ADD, and that he was unable to prescribe anything other than clinical trials of Dex.
Ah yes doctor, it all becomes so clear! Your refusal to discuss this disorder. Your concentration on other areas of my life and your subtle hints that you really, really want me to go on anti-depressants and talk about my mother, because you're cool with that, you have a handle on these things and can discuss and treat these things with ease. You do, in fact, fervently wish I would stop thinking I have ADD and admit to having something you're 'better at.'
I tried to explain for the umpteenth time that the only reason I agree to sit in his sh*tty little office on a regular basis is to get some treatment for ADD.
'I don't know that you have ADD,' says the man who prescribed me Dexamphetamine, clearly working on the theory that if this medication didn't work, I didn't have it.
See, I told you he was an idiot - and yet you didn't quite believe me, did you??
'I know you don't know that I have it. I know I have it,' I tried to point out. But it was hopeless, I don't have a degree on me, and am therefore not qualified to hold such an opinion.
I told him I was sick of being in that middling class, not crazy, not delusional and needing hardcore meds or sedation or hospitalisation or a lifetime on disability because I am unable to work, and yet not doing well enough to do what I want, be what I want, to have my choice of work or even enough work to get off the part-disablity I'm on for having clinical depresson. I said I just needed some help, that I'm not that hard to 'fix'. I'm tired of being shunted around between the too few avenues that are available in a small town.
His response was to say 'he was limited in what he could do for me.'
Read: Go find help somewhere else.
'Well,' I say, grabbing my purse and keys, 'I guess I'll go live my limited life.'
What the hell - he got paid for that.
I had to chew the inside of my mouth on the drive home to stop myself from crying big baby tears, because I wasn't going to let someone like that dissolve me into patheticness. I made record time back to my hometown and I'm not sure my old car has completely forgiven me - its out there now, sitting in my garage with a matyred air.
And now I'm left with half a bottle of useless Dexamphetamine, no proffesional help of any kind and no support. I state I've spent much too much time in already.
Poor me.
I have a bad craving to crawl under my bed covers and hide. To dwell on the number of times I've slid between the cracks and eat bad food. The right response would have been to punch the phychiatrist in the face and point out that he's not very good at his job. But I never think of the right response - I always come up with the perfect comeback or answer like, five hours later, when its too late to find that person and say 'Hey, remember me? Yea? Well, I just want you to know. . . !'
So now I'll probably have supressed rage induced dreams where I'm strangling him with a skipping rope or something.
Well, its near sundown, time to hit the trail and go hunt for chocolate. I will saddle up my horse (Sigma station wagon) ride into town and rastle up some vittles, and maybe take my mood out on those people that congregate in the middle of shopping isles to hold impromptu reunions.
They deserve what they get. ]]> Asylum http://www.addforums.com/forums/blog.php?b=365