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ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community - General Parenting Issues http://www.addforums.com/forums en Tue, 25 Sep 2018 02:14:52 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.addforums.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community - General Parenting Issues http://www.addforums.com/forums People die (post is probably full of triggers ) http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=193375&goto=newpost Sat, 22 Sep 2018 22:46:27 GMT I'm terrified that one of them could be my daughter. I'm scared to even write about it in case I bring bad luck upon us or some **** like that but it's something that just fills me with constant dread and fear.

Everytime I read something in the news my stomach turns and of course I seek out these news stories. I tell myself it's to inform myself of symptoms of any fatal diseases or of anything that could have prevented a death but I guess it's just morbid curiousity. And then I freak out.

My biggest fears are sepsis, meningitis, choking and accidents though of course it could be anything. We've done a child specific first aid course but I'm not confident that I could perform CPR or the Heimlich maneuver or remember the steps in a crisis situation. And crazy **** like being stuck in a building on fire like in the Grenfell case or our car falling into water (get out as soon as possible, in fact open the windows while you are falling as once the car starts being immersed the water pressure won't allow the doors from opening.) Or worse, what if her survival depends on me? What if I need to save her and I can't? Or won't? What if I won't have the courage?

I know it's just out of selfishness. I couldn't live with her dead. And I might not be able to kill myself even then so what would I do then?

I know this isn't healthy (though if it's normal then please someone tell me. It would be such a relief) and I know that this doesn't help anyone but I can't stop worrying about it or imagining it.

In addition I'm constantly worried about her mental health and well being and I have convinced myself that she WILL be bullied because she's so small and timid and because I'm too incompetent to teach her to be confident.

I sound like the worst, self obsessed mum ever. And the most stupid one. I know I'm so lucky to have her when I genuinely thought I'd never have a child and now I'm just terrified she could be taken away from me again. And I hate myself for being so depressed. I still enjoy my time with her but I'm sure it's leaving a mark on her. And what if she's inherited anything from me?

I'm sorry. I'm not making much sense again and I'm just writing myself into a Frenzy and. I'm so tired. I need to sleep. ]]>
General Parenting Issues Fuzzy12 http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=193375
Which of these symptoms will meds help? http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=193304&goto=newpost Wed, 19 Sep 2018 14:30:24 GMT Hi all... my 9 year old daughter is in the final stages of receiving a diagnosis of ADHD-PI. She has finished a psychoeducational assessment, and it has been implied that this will be the diagnosis, although we have not received official results. We plan on combining drug and non-drug... Hi all... my 9 year old daughter is in the final stages of receiving a diagnosis of ADHD-PI. She has finished a psychoeducational assessment, and it has been implied that this will be the diagnosis, although we have not received official results.

We plan on combining drug and non-drug treatments. But out of curiosity... does medication help with symptoms like the following?

1. When you ask my daughter a question, she literally immediately answers. Usually with something that doesn't make sense. Eg: Did your teacher come to school today, or was she sick again? Her answer: What teacher? She only has one teacher.

2. My daughter seems like she has issues with her memory. Some days she just cannot remember what she did at recess. Or maybe it seems like it is just too much work to think that far back. In fact, anything that requires any amount of thought is often too much to ask of her.

3. Conversation: She is almost impossible to have a conversation with, as she changes the subject so many times to something so random, that even I often forget what it was we were talking about!

4. Mental math: This is a big part of our school curriculum. She does excellent on problems you can work out on paper (though she very, very often makes careless mistakes, at least I do know for a fact that she understands what she is doing.) If you ask her to work something out in her head, and if that something requires more than one step, she will forget the answer to step one immediately, after moving on to step two.

5. Sports: My daughter says she loves sports. Her favourite thing to do. Yet, she pays no attention during instruction during practices and games. She regularly is not aware which way the play is going, and gives very minimal effort.

These are just a few random thoughts... We are anxious to get started on helping her. To be clear - We are not looking for/expecting a miracle. We plan on working with our psychologist to come up with different strategies to help our girl. Just curious.

Thanks in advance! ]]>
General Parenting Issues kasey_ca http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=193304
Difficulty differentiating small problems/big problems http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=193298&goto=newpost Wed, 19 Sep 2018 05:42:12 GMT Hi,

So my 9-year-old daughter with ADHD had an issue at school with some headphones she was supposed to keep on for a test (turns out it was causing her earring pins to stick into her neck), and one of her teachers called and said she had a "problem differentiating small problems from big problems" when she wouldn't stop complaining about it, and basically wanted to know what was being done about it.

Anyone seen this issue with ADHD kids? She's currently in counseling to reduce general anxiety levels, so hasn't been able to get into OT yet to help with executive functioning, which I think would help things like this.

Any help? ]]>
General Parenting Issues DanielGM1970 http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=193298
book: how to raise your spirited child http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=193286&goto=newpost Tue, 18 Sep 2018 02:24:23 GMT the title of the book i might get is in the title of this thread. along with "a guide for parents whose child is more intense, sensitive, perceptive, persistent, and energetic" it's by mary sheedy kurcinka.

why i may obtain: my child is daily described by preschool teachers as "busy...always busy...lots of energy...never stops." :rolleyes: sounds familiar ;)

this book came up in a conversation i had with someone whose general approach/parenting style i don't know.

question: has anyone here read it? if so...what'd you think? ]]>
General Parenting Issues peripatetic http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=193286
Balance between accomodating for ADHD and discipline http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=193158&goto=newpost Thu, 06 Sep 2018 02:21:59 GMT Hi, I have a 9-year-old daughter with ADHD who also has some defiance issues and is strong willed. Does anyone have experience with the balance between accommodating for her ADHD and not punishing her for that, but also setting expectations and consequences, and disciplining when necessary? ... Hi,

I have a 9-year-old daughter with ADHD who also has some defiance issues and is strong willed.

Does anyone have experience with the balance between accommodating for her ADHD and not punishing her for that, but also setting expectations and consequences, and disciplining when necessary?

It's tough right now to find that line between being assertive (not quite the right word) as a parent and expecting her to listen and behave, and being too demanding or hard on her. Also tough to know when raising your voice is ok.

Thanks,
Daniel ]]>
General Parenting Issues DanielGM1970 http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=193158
<![CDATA[Partner's kid is making my life hell]]> http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=193134&goto=newpost Tue, 04 Sep 2018 15:24:52 GMT Hi everyone,

I'm not quite sure if I belong here on this part of the forum because I'm not a parent of a kid with ADHD but I'm so desperate that I thought I'd take a chance and post.

I'm 28, my partner is 40. He has 4 kids who stay with us only one weekend a month, and half of each school holidays.

This situation would be fine if it weren't for his youngest kid, a boy, who is 11 years old. He's been diagnosed with ADHD and is medicated (when his mother remembers to pack his medication, and when his father remembers to have him take it.) but it honestly doesn't do much to help.

My main issues I guess are the fact that his father tries to use his ADHD to make excuses for crap behaviour, and won't set any expectations because he doesn't want to be disappointed. For example, this kid squeals. All of the time. Its so high pitched and loud that by the end of the day, my head feels like its going to explode. He does it when he doesn't get his own way, he does it when he's upset with his iPad games that he constantly plays, he does it when anyone is asking him to do something he doesn't want to do. I need it addressed (I don't expect it'll completely change, because perfection is unreasonable) but my partner doesn't even want to acknowledge it because it's going to be hard to address. In the same breath though, he gets mad at me for taking days off work, that I've had to take off because of the migraine that I get every time his kids are with us.

He also has absolutely zero respect for me. He will literally look in the opposite direction when I ask him to do something, or even try to talk to him. He has hit me, kicked me, pushed me over, pinched me, stomped on my foot, all on purpose. I don't think that ADHD should be an excuse to not discipline the kid at all for these things. In fact, when I brought up all of this physical violence to my partner, his answer was, "at least he hasn't bitten you." What??!

I know this kid is capable of being a lovely kid. He thrives on routine and when he's got stability he can be an absolute angel. I'm at a loss as to why his own father wouldn't want to put into place structures that sets him up to succeed!

I guess I have a couple off questions that I'd love some answers to as a starting point:

1. Is it unreasonable to set expectations of him and consequences? ie. action ---> consequence (reward/punishment)
2. Can he be taught some alternatives for the squealing? How does one go about redirecting?
3. Is ADHD an excuse for a lack of respect?

Sorry for the novel. I'm just an absolute wreck, and I need something to change! Thanks guys. ]]>
General Parenting Issues Erin18 http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=193134
<![CDATA[Making/keeping/having "fellow mums" as "friends" is hard]]> http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=193089&goto=newpost Sat, 01 Sep 2018 02:24:29 GMT I'll be frank: I don't make new friends, lasting friendships, in person easily anymore. I'm not quite as bad at maintaining old friendships (currently, though that's subject to change at any time), but anything beyond superficial exchanges and I'm not really available for that.

I have a few (very few left at this point, but at least one) super long term friends though. Think, from boarding school meeting at age 13/14 and we're both in our early forties now. She lives on the other side of the country, but we text, video chat, and physically visit at least a couple of times a year most years. She's outgoing and has always stuck by me. She lasted through countless breaks and hospitalizations, through me going MIA for stretches of time, through me being super self isolative, etc. I like to think it's more balanced when I'm stable and that, well, I know for certain I've been there for her in times of need always. But she bridges the distance. She's not your average friend, you know?

Then there's my partner, who doesn't exactly count as a "friend" though he is my dearest friend at the same time. He's already in for a penny, in for a pound, though. He lives with me so my mental health issues aren't exactly a surprise. And he knows all of my unpleasant bits already.

Then there are a few people who I see at groups for years on end or in hospital. Again, they already know the unfortunate bits and those that I'm referring to also have SZ so it's not, like, awkward when I'm awkward, if you know what I mean.

There're proprietors I frequent, most of whom have seen me pretty unwell over the years...but I mean people like the barista from Peet's and so forth...it's not a real "friendship"... similar situation with neighbors. And the homeless in our neighborhood. We all know each other, but we don't REALLY hang out even if we (at times) have daily exchanges, right?

Then I have some online friends. Particularly some people from here whose friendship extends beyond this forum, but also people I'm consistently and (for me) reassuringly always friend(ly) with, right?

Here's the snag: my daughter has started preschool and I've tried making a couple of mum friends. It's SUPER ******* hard. We have one thing in common, it sometimes feels like: our respective children are near (enough) in she. One is a mum of four, though, and her kid is a little delayed so our kids aren't great playmates yet, but ultimately will be, I think. The other is a mum of two (one a pretty fresh baby, the other a couple of months older than my E, but they're in the same room at their preschool. The first one knows I spent time in hospital in June but we've not discussed details or diagnoses or anything; the other I had to postpone our first play date due to June hospitalization, but she doesn't know that.

How do I act like a normal enough person so my child doesn't end up alienated/isolated because I'm weird?

And before you start in with "you're not weird, peri"...um, trust me...in person, I have a lot of weird **** going on, from things I think and blurt out that is shocking to others (think ADHD with delusional steaks) and I have some "odd mannerisms", one could say. Plus, I don't drink much anymore, I don't like running except by myself, and I kinda can't imagine becoming close friends with a new in-person individual at this point in my life.

I spend a lot of time, hours a day, either being weird and pacing/sorting my head or in mental health groups. I guess my point is that these other women have jobs and book clubs and go to try all of the new SF restaurants (or have FOUR kids yet manage to watch television and read books weekly...)

My E is at a play-based public preschool that emphasizes social-emotional development. *I* (in person) seriously am lacking in my own "social-emotional" development.

I'll bold the question I asked above because I realize this is achingly long at this point (congrats if you've made it to here;)), but I don't know what I'm really looking for in this post except navigating parenting friendships is really hard. And I want my daughter to see healthy, maintained friendships and, except my bestie and a rare person here and there (and my M's 2 friends since primary school and his brother + everyone's partners), like, I haven't hosted a dinner party or gathering in at least a decade. I don't want people in my house. I don't really open myself up to people in that friendship way anymore.

I just want my child to be well adjusted, whatever that means, and she seems to be this far...she's definitely made little friends...but how can I raise a kid who's healthy and normal when my life and problems are so far from normal, you know?

Maybe I just needed to type up a bunch of venting and consternation...

Cheers for reading if you do/did. xx

PS: typed on phone so please excuse autocorrupt if it's happened throughout. I'm a ****ty editor. ]]>
General Parenting Issues peripatetic http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=193089