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ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community - Non-ADD Partner Support http://www.addforums.com/forums This is a support forum for non-ADD partners, spouses, and significant others offering feedback from both the ADD and non-ADD perspectives en Sun, 22 Jul 2018 03:20:47 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.addforums.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community - Non-ADD Partner Support http://www.addforums.com/forums Newbie hereó ADHD/anger mgmt http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=192192&goto=newpost Wed, 27 Jun 2018 17:03:09 GMT Hi, all. I just found this site yesterday, and it did a world of good for me to read.

I’ve been married for 15 yrs and have 2 children. For most of this marriage, H has had a terrible time managing his anger. Outbursts, harsh words, criticism and sarcasm have chipped away at my feelings for him, created unrest in our home, and has left me feeling exhausted.

After our son was diagnosed 3 years ago with ADHD, we started to research what that can look like in adults...and whadd’ya know...it has a name. We now know that what H experiences is called “flooding” which is basically a fancy way of saying he can’t regulate or filter feelings of anger when something triggers him so he goes off like a rocket. The whole “storm” is over in about 20 min for him...but the rest of us are left shaken and livid.

Unfortunately, even after he got diagnosed, he did not follow through with treatment. He tried a couple of meds for a few weeks, and then decided he didn’t want to take them anymore. The angry outbursts, although infrequent, have continued and yesterday I told him I thought we should separate. He now says he will do anything to save our relationship. Meds, therapy, etc. He is a real DIY’er and says he is frustrated because this is the only thing he cannot watch a YouTube video for and fix on his own. I am really torn because all the great qualities that I married him for are STILL THERE. It’s the anger piece that I am not able to tolerate.

This is obviously not the first discussion I’ve had with him. There have been 4000 others. I’m just feeling so tired and I’m not sure if I should give him a shot now, or just leave. We’ve never experienced our relationship with him FULLY TREATED and us in counseling. So, I’m thinking that while he’s willing to do so now, I should pull myself up and try. But, ALOT of damage has been done and I’m not certain I can come back from it.

Others who are feeling the same?? I could really use a few friends right now. Thanks for listening. ]]>
Non-ADD Partner Support Goldilox73 http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=192192
Adhd related commitment issues or just not that into me? http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=192138&goto=newpost Sun, 24 Jun 2018 09:50:55 GMT So I decided to post this here ’cause I would like some opinions and insight from people who actually have diagnosed with this condition and not only support from the non-ADHD partners.
[Moderator note: If you don't have ADHD and are seeking advice concerning a partner who does, please post in Non-ADD Partner Support. The Relationships and Social Issues section is intended for people who have ADHD/related issues to discuss those issues. You'll probably find that most of the people who read and respond to your post in Non-ADD Partner Support will have ADHD, anyway! ;) -Namazu]

I had this 2 year relationship with a 40 something man who’s been diagnosed with adhd as an adult while he was in treament for his substance addiction at his twenties. I’m pretty sure yall know these types of issues are pretty common with people who have adhd because they always need something to boost their dopamin levels. He has been clean for years though.

We had an amazing relationship and we both have never had the same connection and deep level of mutual understanding with anyone else before and loved (still do) each other to death. He said many times that he has never loved another soul like he loves me and that I am the love of his life. On his best days he treated me like a queen, showered me with affection, attention, love and care. He is very big on physical affection (taurus). Of course we had these typical days when he was so focused and distracted with something else going on in his life that he pretty much ignored me but I always knew it was adhd symptons talking and not a sign of him not caring about me.

Fast forward to our break-up which happened 2 months ago. He said he was getting oppressed with having to shift between two homes and living a suitcase life but was not ready to move in together yet. He lost all of his assets a few years back and he said that his work and building his life back up again takes so much his time and energy that he could not be there for me and commit to me the way that I would like him to after 2 years together. He said that he would need to focus on work and getting his life on track so much that he would have to see me a lot less than I would like and not be so committed to it. He also said he still sees us together in the future but is unable to give me the things I need right now. He also said that he would like to spend this summer meeting some new people too and maybe dating other women to be completely sure about me and our relationship because he is at an age (45) right now that if he commits to someone and moves in together with someone etc. it has to be for the rest of his life and it’s not an easy decision to make even though he loves me more than anything. He said he is willing to take the risk that he loses me forever because he just can’t go on with me dishonestly. So we broke up.

There has been times we have not been in contact for some weeks but mostly we have been keeping touch these 2 months we have been separated. We have spent a few nights together and been to dinners etc. We still love each other. He has said he misses me but have not made any moves with me towards getting back together. We are both dating other people too, and he has been a little jealous about it. A few days back he ditched a tinder date to meet me. He still has not even told his parents that we are no longer together and ask me to come to their house for a dinner. He still wants to stay separated and continue seeing other people but also wants to be with me. He said he has been torn apart because of how unsure about everything he is, he said he is afraid he is making wrong decisions. Other days he says it might be best if we don’t see or contact each other at all for a while.

My question is; is this kind of behavior just some common commitment issue trait for someone who has adhd? Or is he just playing with my emotions and trying to keep me on the side sitting on the bench while he is exploring the world and other people trying to find out for sure that he can’t find something better somewhere else? Should I just move on and forget about him or give him some time and a chance to figure it out? If he did not have this condition (adhd) I would not even question this and I would have moved on a long time ago but the adhd makes everything more difficult since it’s hard to know his true intentions cause his brain works so differently. ]]>
Non-ADD Partner Support addspouse2018 http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=192138