Warning: Invalid argument supplied for foreach() in [path]/includes/class_postbit_alt.php(468) : eval()'d code on line 238

Warning: Invalid argument supplied for foreach() in [path]/includes/class_postbit_alt.php(468) : eval()'d code on line 238

Warning: Invalid argument supplied for foreach() in [path]/includes/class_postbit_alt.php(468) : eval()'d code on line 238

Warning: Invalid argument supplied for foreach() in [path]/includes/class_postbit_alt.php(468) : eval()'d code on line 238

Warning: Invalid argument supplied for foreach() in [path]/includes/class_postbit_alt.php(468) : eval()'d code on line 238

Warning: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at [path]/includes/class_core.php:3242) in [path]/external.php on line 865

Warning: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at [path]/includes/class_core.php:3242) in [path]/external.php on line 865

Warning: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at [path]/includes/class_core.php:3242) in [path]/external.php on line 865

Warning: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at [path]/includes/class_core.php:3242) in [path]/external.php on line 865

Warning: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at [path]/includes/class_core.php:3242) in [path]/external.php on line 865
ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community - Non-ADD Partner Support http://www.addforums.com/forums This is a support forum for non-ADD partners, spouses, and significant others offering feedback from both the ADD and non-ADD perspectives en Tue, 23 Jan 2018 18:13:44 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.addforums.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community - Non-ADD Partner Support http://www.addforums.com/forums Anyone addicted? http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=190060&goto=newpost Sun, 21 Jan 2018 16:40:12 GMT This may be long, please forgive me. My husband is diagnosed as an adult having ADD. He is prescribed 60mg a day (two 30mg pills). He has, over the last few years, consistently ran out of medicine before the end of the month, but I wasn't sure of how early he was running out. Some days he said he just felt like he needed an extra pill.

Cut to last year when this became such an issue that I offered to keep his pills for him and give him 2 every morning. This hasn't worked at all. He begs daily for more pills. He has a hard day ahead or whatever the excuse may be. This last month, he got so ugly about them being "his pills" that I gave them to him. The whole bottle. They were filled on a Monday evening. He took 1 that night and I gave him the rest of the bottle on Tuesday morning. By Saturday morning they were gone. 60 pills in less than a week.

I cried and told him that he was scaring me and he yelled at me to get off his back. Apparently I'm always on his back about the Adderall. I told him that I loved him and I was terrified that his heart would give out and he basically told me to mind my own business.

The problem with his ADD...he seems to have an addictive personality. Not sure if this is something with the ADD itself and how he is wired, but he was addicted to pain pills in the past, which he mixed with Adderall with terrible results. He was out of his head. We actually divorced during that time when he sold the kid's PlayStation to buy pain pills. He went to therapy and started Suboxone and successfully got off the pain pills.

Then he started getting online and meeting women on dating sites. He amassed a huge porn collection, it spilled into real life when I caught him sending nude pictures to a woman he worked with. So, he worked on that and ended up addicted to the Adderall instead.

I don't know if this is just the life I have to look forward to...watching him switch from one addiction to another and yelling at me for "riding his ***".

I love him or I wouldn't have done this for almost 10 years, but if there is no chance for a "normal" life, then I'm not sure I want to keep doing this.

IS addiction part of ADD? My fear is...he takes all 60 pills in a week, then what?? He starts trying to buy again? Is that next? All of our money is gone again to his addiction? Or he just goes 3 weeks with no pills and I can't live with him. Or he switches back to his addiction with women because they don't ride his butt about his pills.

I don't even know what the point of my post is. To vent maybe. Or to see if anyone dealt with an Adderall addiction.

Thanks for listening. I spent the morning crying and I just wanted to put it on "paper" I guess since I don't have anyone else to talk to about it.

He is also diabetic and is prescribed meds, which he takes responsibly. He also takes testosterone prescribed by the doctor which he abuses.

He also lives on Nyquil Severe formula at night because he says he can't sleep from a cough (he's a 2 pack a day smoker since he was 12. He's 50 now).

Thanks for any input or suggestions. But mostly, thanks for the ear. ]]>
Non-ADD Partner Support ScaredWife http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=190060
Help http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=189930&goto=newpost Fri, 12 Jan 2018 19:39:14 GMT My wife an I have been together for 2 and a half years. Married for a year and a half. She is beautiful, smart and an all around gentle person. She has four biological children I have two. I am a stay at home father while she works. I go to school online, and due to my VA disability I make... My wife an I have been together for 2 and a half years. Married for a year and a half.

She is beautiful, smart and an all around gentle person.

She has four biological children I have two. I am a stay at home father while she works. I go to school online, and due to my VA disability I make a very strong income. I care for our 3 year old every day since he is too young for school, and take care of the rest of our children when my wife is not home. I have been having trouble with this, because i literally thrive when my wife and I get along, but dive when she is mad at me. She has been threatening to leave and move into her own apartment off and on, and then an hour later she wants to act like she never said that.

We have had a very solid relationship up until recently. My wifes mother passed away about 4 months ago. She was abusive and not the greatest mom to my wife. We actually had her living with us and my wife was her primary provider for a few months until she moved into hospice.

Our issues started about six month ago. My wife started a friendship with a male coworker that I felt was inappropriate, and she was still actively grieving her mother while her mom was still alive. It was a giant dramatic display of arguments and a lack of communication. My wife didnt want to end it and I couldnt handle it. It was a lot of insecurity but at the same time, some of the things this man said to her were not appropriate.

I went about it the wrong way and my wife allowed the situation to continue despite the fact this man was a predator, and only wanted to sleep with her.

She no longer talks to him due to his lack of maturity and my wife making it perfectly clear I was her priority.

So now to the current situation. My wife takes addoral. She is on 25 rx and a 10 mg ir. I found out a few weeks ago, she started to take more than the recommended dosage because she was having problems at work. I confronted her, and told her that is not ok.

Her personality is changing. She and I used to talk constantly after she got off of work. We used to hang out and always go every where together. We were each-others best friends.

she is showing signs of
-depression
-lack of interest
-irritability
-agitation
-blurred vision
-stomach pain
-loss of interest in sex

Now, I am lucky if she comes home in a good mood. The kids feel all she does is yell. When she has a day off and doesn't take her addoral, she is playful, full of smiles, we get along incredibly well. She has patience. She teases me, and our relationship is fantastic. We cuddle, she is affectionate etc.

On her addoral... she doesnt smile, she doesnt talk to me, she spends most of the time when the kids are awake on her phone talking to coworkers. If I ask her whats wrong she tells me she feels overwhelmed. She says all she does is work then come home to deal with me and the kids. She has told me that she sometimes feels nothing, and she shows no interest in anything. Its literally a complete 180 between the woman I know and love, to her depressed uninterested self.

I think I make it worse too. I have trouble backing off, because I have abandonment issues. I work on it but, its hard to back off when I know the woman I married is somewhere inside this person in front of me.

I am a very emotional person. To top it off I am madly in love with her. When she is going through this, I feel the whole time I am doing something so I have the desire to fix it. I try to bring her out of her funk and I am extremely patient, and very persistant. She, due to her past, doesnt want me to.

I spend most of the week while she is on her addoral apologizing and trying to reconnect with her, on her days off it takes a few hours for me to get rid of the feelings of resentment, but I snap out of it because she is back to her beautiful and amazing personality.

A good example is last night. I jetted off as soon as she got home from work to take my six year old to her mothers, I come home and she barely speaks to me other than to snap at me over me forgetting to do something. She does this in a passive aggressive way instead of just asking me, then I back off, apologize and left her alone. We get into the bedroom, and I ask what did I do to make you upset. She then gets even angrier and we fought. I stopped and so did she, we hate arguing or bickering. A few minutes later, I tell her I love her and want to help relieve her stress. I rub her back for about half an hour and we go to sleep. This is a prime example of where we are right now.

What can I do, I dont know how to get my wife back. I am as patient as I can be, but I find myself lashing out in response to her lashes. Its steadily getting worse. We spoke today, and she said that she was going to try working med free for a little while because she felt it was ruining "us."

Also to add, I have add as well. This is one of the reasons why I understand her moodiness. I am prescribed addoral, but on an as needed basis.

I cant lose what I have, it will devastate me. This is the most amazing woman I have ever met, and her kids are a huge part of my life as well. Please help. ]]>
Non-ADD Partner Support Amanofpatience http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=189930
First time poster seeking comfort/advice/whatever else you can offer http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=189799&goto=newpost Thu, 28 Dec 2017 05:40:13 GMT I have been lurking here awhile, and am finally coming out of the shadows.

I am going to try to be as succinct as possible, so if there are any blanks I need to fill in, let me know.

To make a very long, very involved "how we met" story very short, I am a 30 something gal dating a 30 something guy. He lived in my hometown working on a project for about nine months, during which time we grew very close and admitted our intense attraction to one another, but due to my own circumstances, we couldn't be together. He eventually moved back to where he had come from (800 miles away), which ended up breaking my heart, but also gave me the kick in the *** I needed to leave the screwed up relationship I was in, because at that point, I realized how much in love with this person I was.

Fast forward 1.5 years, and we are together at last. He is still 800 miles away, but thanks to the fact that we are both self-employed, we see each other as often as possible--usually about one week out of every month.

Now, when I was first getting to know him, I realized he was...quirky. He's incredibly intelligent, kind, marvelous at all the things I'm bad at (math, mechanical stuff, figuring out why something is broken and fixing it), and very passionate about very specific topics. He also would just leave social situations suddenly and without saying goodbye, not answer texts or calls for several days and have no good reason why, and had an awful lot of anxiety surrounding people's perceptions of him, to the point that I often found myself sort of his "port in the storm" at parties and other gatherings. And, he is a perfectionist to a fault when it comes to his own work. Nothing is ever as good as he wants it to be, even if everyone around him thinks it's absolutely magnificent.

Despite--or perhaps in part because of--these quirks, I loved him. I still love him. It's practically a miracle that we ended up together, and it's something I'm thankful for every single day.

BUT

I am 99.9999% certain he has ADD/ADHD combined with a heavy helping of anxiety disorder. Reading through these forums is like reading his autobiography. He has tried--with great frustration--to describe to me what it's like inside his head. He tells me sometimes he feels his brain is so full of noise, that he can't even figure out how to get up and put clothes in the dryer, much less get out the door and get to work on projects that are waiting for him. He gets so overwhelmed when presented with multiple options that he becomes visibly distraught. He fidgets when we watch movies or shows--his hands always have to be doing something. He must always have some form of auditory stimulation going if he is going to accomplish a task--even if he's just doing dishes or sweeping the floor.

The only time he ever gets annoyed or defensive with me is when I ask him what's wrong. He sputters and splutters and gets this wild look in his eye and can't tell me what's wrong. "If I knew what was wrong, I would tell you," he says.

He has definitely developed some coping skills that are beneficial to him. He makes lots of lists. He has notebooks everywhere, and he uses them to keep track of what he's doing, what he needs to do, etc. He has learned the benefit of having a strict routine--and when he sticks to that routine, he is able to get up, tidy the house, get showered and dressed, and get out the door to work. But it really has hit home to me how absolutely spent he is by the end of what would be, to me, a normal work day. As soon as he gets in the door, he has to go lie on the couch for half an hour or so to decompress. When he tries to explain how completely mentally drained he feels at the end of a day, he berates himself and calls himself lazy.

But I know he's not lazy. He is one of the least lazy people I know.

But here's why I'm posting:

The more I read about add/adhd (and it's association with anxiety), the more I want to approach him about this topic. He has lived much of his life trying to hide his struggles from his family and the rest of the world. His parents are very driven, "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" kind of people, and I really think they don't understand that their son can't just "get over" his struggles. He feels an awful lot of shame around his symptoms and even around the way he has to get through each day. And there are days he simply can't leave the house. He's overwhelmed, anxious, and paralyzed. Those days are rare, fortunately, but they happen. And when they do, he beats himself up.

All of this has kind of come to a head in the past week or so. Ever since before we were even a couple, he has struggled with communication--as in phone calls/texts. I have learned by this point that occasionally, he will just drop off the face of the earth for a day or two. He won't return calls. He won't answer texts. He pops up a couple days later, ashamed that he had no good reason for why he couldn't just pick up the phone and call.

When he has his routine, things are fine. He calls every day, right around the same time, and we chat for half an hour or so. It's something we both look forward to. But as soon as his routine is disrupted, I am one of the first things to go out the window, so to speak.

That brings us to Christmas. Christmas is already a hard time for him, due to family dynamics and obligatory functions and events he'd really rather not go to, but it's particularly awful this year because of a death in the family (which means a funeral, visitation with even more family, and time away from work), financial strain, and a huge project that HAS to be finished by the end of the month.

So, basically, he and I haven't talked in five days. He sent me a text on Christmas wishing me a merry Christmas and he sent a text today telling me he was sorry he hadn't returned any of my calls, but that he's dealing with a lot right now.

I am pretty sure he's just completely overwhelmed and in survival mode right now. His routine has been obliterated, he's being forced to see people he doesn't want to see, he needs to get back to work, he can't have his alone time that he so desperately needs, etc. I guess here's what I'm asking:

People keep saying crap to me like, "If he really loved you, he would make time to call you, no matter what." And I suppose that if he were a neurotypical person who was able to conform to normal societal convention, that would be true. I WANT to believe that he isn't just ignoring me because he decided I'm not worth the trouble anymore, but in a world that dictates, "Real men do _____" and "If a man loves you, he always ______," I get really confused sometimes as to how I'm supposed to feel or what I'm supposed to expect.

What it boils down to is that I love him dearly and I want this to work. I am trying to be as understanding as I possibly can. I haven't gotten mad at him or told him how depressed I was on Christmas when he didn't answer/return my phone calls. The fact of the matter though is that I WAS depressed. And anxious. And really worried that he might come out the other end of this and feel like his life is better without me in it.

I realize I have my own insecurities to work on, here, but this is uncharted territory for me. I know that if I were THERE or if he were HERE, things would be different. I could see his face and see his struggle and do what I always do when he's having a difficult time--make him a meal, let him veg out, give him a back rub or just sit quietly and read a book in the same room with him. But I'm not there. And we haven't talked. And I feel helpless.

It's really hard to be in an LDR anyway. It's, I think, 487x harder to be in an LDR with someone like him. I don't say this because I want to throw in the towel. Far from it. I guess I just want to know if what I'm going through right now is "normal" and if what he's doing is "normal" and how I should broach this topic of communication when the time comes to talk about it (which clearly can't happen until he gets through this crisis). Is there anything I can say to him that would be helpful, or should I just leave him be? I feel like I shouldn't ignore him completely. I certainly don't want to. But I also don't want to smother him and make him even more overwhelmed.

I am trying my hardest to remain calm and peaceful and not let all my insecurities and anxieties hang out right now. I am trying my hardest not to take his silence personally. I am trying my hardest to believe that at the end of this tunnel, we will pick up where we left off. But...it's hard. And that's why I'm here. Because I want to understand, but I also want to feel better.

Help? ]]>
Non-ADD Partner Support OrganicDorito http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=189799
Help With ADHD Partner http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=189775&goto=newpost Tue, 26 Dec 2017 08:04:46 GMT Hi Everyone, I have been in an almost a year lived in relationship and I am suspecting my boyfriend has ADHD. I love him so much that I want to understand him and his behavior. He is addicted to substance - marijuana and at the same time always feels bored of life. He even takes me for... Hi Everyone,

I have been in an almost a year lived in relationship and I am suspecting my boyfriend has ADHD. I love him so much that I want to understand him and his behavior. He is addicted to substance - marijuana and at the same time always feels bored of life. He even takes me for granted and easily gets irritated. ]]>
Non-ADD Partner Support ellejose http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=189775
<![CDATA[Dating guy with ADD and he dosen't respond to my texts all the time]]> http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=189764&goto=newpost Sun, 24 Dec 2017 23:04:19 GMT I met this amazing guy who has ADD on an online dating site 2 months ago and I feel like it is going pretty well. The first couple weeks he always had time and responded to my text and we even talked on the phone a couple times. Then we met and it was a great first meeting. For about a week... I met this amazing guy who has ADD on an online dating site 2 months ago and I feel like it is going pretty well. The first couple weeks he always had time and responded to my text and we even talked on the phone a couple times. Then we met and it was a great first meeting. For about a week after that he was always replying to me and then I sort of said I was hoping we could meet again soon but he got sick.

Then while he was sick I sort of said one day while I was drinking I really liked him and was wanting more and he felt bad and said he didn't want to give me the wrong impression but he didn't have time to give me what I needed or wanted right now but still wanted to hang out and talk when we could.

Also, the thing with him is that he has the ADD but he is insanely busy and I'm sure when he is not dealing with work and communicating with everybody else he just wants alone time and I am sure he doesn't want to engage in several hours of communicating with me when he is so tired. So a few weeks ago I stopped texting him so much but I texted him one day 2 weeks ago and we texted and talked for a few hours and it happened again the other day and he said he wants to hang out over the break. Yes, I do have to sometimes double or even triple text him and he usually apologize and now we are comfortable with each other I can tease him about not getting back to me. He always apologizes but laughs at the teasing too. I haven't heard from him in a couple of days now and know he still is interested but I have anxiety about this when I don't hear from him.

I just plan to text him the day after xmas, the day before I'm hoping we can hang out, to see if I can get his attention. I mean what do you guys think? I've seen other posts and websites that people with ADHD are horrible at texting.

The other thing too is he was hurt pretty bad in his last relationship and another girl when he was younger. He almost married both girls so I feel like I just want to be friends with him right now and show him he can trust another girl again. I really care for him and want to be a part of his life. I know he isn't ready for a relationship quite yet but it is even tougher cuz he has the ADD. Do you guys have any advice for me? ]]>
Non-ADD Partner Support excited622 http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=189764