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Batman55 10-08-17 12:01 AM

Writing lessons
 
Anyone want to give any? I can't let this go anymore; maybe it's the fact that I've been 97% socially avoidant IRL for 10 years and forgot the rhythm of human conversation, and spending time online cannot fill that gap. Maybe that's a big part of the answer right there. Maybe I really need to relearn real-life conversational skill and that would translate to improvement in all venues including online.

But I honestly feel I'm the worst writer on this, and any other site. I've been killing threads abruptly left and right, not simply here but on other forums I go to. I know that some measure of wit and playfulness makes for good conversation but even then, when I feel I come up with a good response, folks often don't reply. My debating skills are nonexistent, also.

I think I might only be able to learn from others who struggle or HAVE struggled with communication and took steps to improve. I struggle both in real life and online. I'm a poor writer and even worse speaker.

The reason I'm like this is because I'm on the autistic spectrum, and heavily tick the box for "communication difficulties." Although fundamentally it's a problem with language... called "Pragmatic Language Impairment." Look it up if you want. That's what I have and obviously have a rough case of it.

TL;DR Basically I'm looking for tips on how to carry a conversation without causing an abrupt end. I don't know how to do this and the deal is I am not sure what the missing ingredient(s) is. Is it lack of wit, lack of comprehension, lack of knowledge? All of them?

Anyone who has seen my writing, can you tell me what should be improved? I'm tired of being the worst writer every place I go.

aeon 10-08-17 01:03 AM

Re: Writing lessons
 
I have to say that if you think you are a poor writer, then you either don't see yourself clearly, or you don't judge yourself fairly.

Having read your posts on this forum, especially those in which you wrote at length, gave me the sense that writing is one of your gifts.

If you truly did bring a conversation to an end, it had to do with the content of the thoughts expressed, not your sentence structure or grammar.

And keep in mind, there are many reasons why threads come to an end, and most of them have nothing to do with the last poster in the thread.

Perhaps no one has anything more to add. Perhaps their taste for the thread has waned. I know I have disappeared from threads due to issues of work, illness, sleep, and so on, where lack of interest on my part, and "thread-killer" status on someone else's part were never the issue in the slightest.

I'll add this final bit...in the nourishing meal that is conversation, self deprecation is a wonderful spice that can provide moments of tension and release, and humor, but when it is used more often than that it sours the dish, and no one has an appetite for that. To take it in is like eating something vaguely foul and hoping one is not made ill by it. Most aren't willing to do so, and those that are eventually fall away as they come to realize the emotional challenge to their well-being.


Cheers,
Ian

sarahsweets 10-08-17 06:08 AM

Re: Writing lessons
 
Threads die when they die, I wish I knew why. There were times where I was so excited to see what my thread was gonna generate and its like a dry desert and other times where something so simple goes on for pages. Batman, didnt your one thread recently go on for pages? I think thats an example that you are not a thread killer.

midnightstar 10-08-17 06:13 AM

Re: Writing lessons
 
Batman, your posts that I've seen make sense to me :grouphug:

Sometimes threads die because people have said everything they want to say :grouphug:

Greyhound1 10-08-17 01:45 PM

Re: Writing lessons
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by aeon (Post 1967199)
I have to say that if you think you are a poor writer, then you either don't see yourself clearly, or you don't judge yourself fairly.

Having read your posts on this forum, especially those in which you wrote at length, gave me the sense that writing is one of your gifts.

If you truly did bring a conversation to an end, it had to do with the content of the thoughts expressed, not your sentence structure or grammar.

And keep in mind, there are many reasons why threads come to an end, and most of them have nothing to do with the last poster in the thread.

Perhaps no one has anything more to add. Perhaps their taste for the thread has waned. I know I have disappeared from threads due to issues of work, illness, sleep, and so on, where lack of interest on my part, and "thread-killer" status on someone else's part were never the issue in the slightest.

I'll add this final bit...in the nourishing meal that is conversation, self deprecation is a wonderful spice that can provide moments of tension and release, and humor, but when it is used more often than that it sours the dish, and no one has an appetite for that. To take it in is like eating something vaguely foul and hoping one is not made ill by it. Most aren't willing to do so, and those that are eventually fall away as they come to realize the emotional challenge to their well-being.


Cheers,
Ian

Bullseye! I agree 100%. I have read many of your posts and never noticed any which were poorly written.

Many posts can easily confuse me but never had any difficulty with yours Batman.

Batman55 10-09-17 12:24 AM

Re: Writing lessons
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by aeon (Post 1967199)
I have to say that if you think you are a poor writer, then you either don't see yourself clearly, or you don't judge yourself fairly.

Having read your posts on this forum, especially those in which you wrote at length, gave me the sense that writing is one of your gifts.

I used to think I was a very good writer, and sometimes when I've got the "self-loathing dial" on low, I still believe I'm good and maybe have something unique to offer with words.

But as time has gone by, I realized one probably can't be a good writer without being a good communicator. A good communicator needs to have a strong grasp of what is being said by others (comprehension), properly apply the concept of give-and-take in conversation (reciprocity), among other things.

I have a good vocabulary and offer some insight, but that doesn't necessarily make for good communication. I'll agree probably my writing skills are actually solid, but I will argue that communication is much more important. And I have trouble with communication.

Look up "Pragmatic Language Impairment," if you're up to it. This is alleged to comprise a large part of the "language difficulty" which is one of the hallmarks of autism. This difficulty comprises "difficulty with comprehension, difficulty with proper give-and-take, responding to others with excessive detail, providing irrelevant information," and I realized it's a good fit, explains a lot of the strange issues I have with communication/language.

The rub is, I don't know what if anything can be done about it, you cannot get "special help" as an adult for these things really, I do not know if comprehension can even be improved. I'm not sure if I have the patience or impetus any longer to go through some detailed testing to figure out what's really going on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by aeon (Post 1967199)
If you truly did bring a conversation to an end, it had to do with the content of the thoughts expressed, not your sentence structure or grammar.

...

I'll add this final bit...in the nourishing meal that is conversation, self deprecation is a wonderful spice that can provide moments of tension and release, and humor, but when it is used more often than that it sours the dish, and no one has an appetite for that. To take it in is like eating something vaguely foul and hoping one is not made ill by it. Most aren't willing to do so, and those that are eventually fall away as they come to realize the emotional challenge to their well-being.

You make a good point, it's been pointed out a lot that I focus on the negative and/or disagree too much. And I just don't learn, or maybe cannot actually learn.

I think maybe the self-deprecation/negativity takes the place of what otherwise might be empathy or wit. And those are things I lack...

CharlesH 10-09-17 10:11 AM

Re: Writing lessons
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahsweets (Post 1967211)
Threads die when they die, I wish I knew why. There were times where I was so excited to see what my thread was gonna generate and its like a dry desert and other times where something so simple goes on for pages. Batman, didnt your one thread recently go on for pages? I think thats an example that you are not a thread killer.

This is an ADHD forum, after all!

aeon 10-09-17 11:24 AM

Re: Writing lessons
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Batman55 (Post 1967320)
I used to think I was a very good writer, and sometimes when I've got the "self-loathing dial" on low, I still believe I'm good and maybe have something unique to offer with words.

But as time has gone by, I realized one probably can't be a good writer without being a good communicator. A good communicator needs to have a strong grasp of what is being said by others (comprehension), properly apply the concept of give-and-take in conversation (reciprocity), among other things.

Search out this book...I learned a lot from it, and it was an essential building block in my learning how to listen and communicate (and be heard):

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.


Cheers,
Ian


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