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-   -   A complete nightmare of a semester (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=188586)

heythere999 10-27-17 08:42 PM

A complete nightmare of a semester
 
Basically, this semester I decided to change my major and it's a risky, scary, and highly competitive one: music. I was able to get into the program despite usually needing a decent amount of experience, and it's of the top ranked in the nation.

However, I was not ready... at all.

-The program requires you to be full time in order to get private lessons (which are mandatory, so basically you need to be full time). This wouldn't be too much of a problem, except they purposely made it so that pretty much every class is 1 or 2 units, despite taking a lot of effort, especially if you are new to music. I started off the semester with 8 classes... 8. Monday through Friday. I was able to drop one 1 unit class, so now I have 7.
-I commute. It takes me 60-70 minutes to drive to school and park, meaning pretty much 2 hours a day is wasted on driving alone.
-The program requires you to buy tickets for, and attend, over a dozen concerts.
-Even the 1 unit programs require a lot of effort. For example, one of my classes is piano. It's 50 minutes, twice a week. But you are expected to practice at least an hour a day. The problem is, I have about 3-4 other classes where you are expected to do the same thing. I have another class where I am also required to teach another student at another school at least 6 times.
-I am new to music, so I also had to learn music theory from scratch, whilst trying to keep up with everything. And it's EXHAUSTING.
-I have always been known to be pretty uncoordinated. I'm clumsy, I don't walk straight, etc. So piano is extremely difficult for me.
-Considering I am in a totally new environment, with lesser experience compared to everyone else, I was frightened to death of interacting with others; I felt like I didn't belong. Made everything much harder. Not to mention for things like my piano class, my professor states grades out loud and makes comments out loud, making me ridiculously embarrassed. To give some idea of how low my self esteem is, I was convinced that I was too dumb to drive. Only until I was forced to, at the age of 21, did I finally start driving on my own. It's been getting better in the past year thanks to this prescription, but yeah. Still not high.
-I also work. For the first 5 weeks of the semester, I had class Mon-Friday, along with work Thurs-Sunday. And my job isn't some easy, braindead thing. The place gets super busy, and it's a lot of running around. I accidentally had my Tracker App on for 3 hours during my shift, and it told me that I had walked over 4 miles. I finally asked to cut it down to 1-2 shifts a week, because I was beyond exhausted. Each shift is physically draining. Unfortunately I cannot quit because I need the money.

To make matters worse, even WITH meds, I am still wildly unorganized. If I clean my room it'll definitely stay that way for less than 24 hours. I lose things CONSTANTLY. The whole "I JUST had my keys in my hand 5 seconds ago, where the hell is it???" happens to me nearly every single day. Every single day, I am either looking for my wallet, my keys, my glasses, or something else, or a combination. Wastes time, for sure. And I'm still overwhelmed and relatively new at trying to be independent and responsible. I've basically been falling behind. Along with being anxious and feeling unworthy, I've been getting more and more embarrassed.

I've also noticed that the more stressed I am, the more chronically late I am... to everything. I've been EXTREMELY stressed the past 5 weeks, so I have been 10-30 minutes late to all of my first classes of the day almost every time. I have also been 1-10 minutes late for every shift in the past 4 weeks.

I also currently have a prescription for 2 IR's a day. Unfortunately, this means that outside of those 8 hours in the day, I am an unproductive mess. Instead of taking steps to rid of my stress and anxiety, when I'm not on it, I just do nothing.

It's been a horrible, horrible semester. My professors can see that I am a walking anxiety machine, and that I'm ridiculously stressed, BUT they can also see that I am trying and taking it seriously. It's just that I've been struggling to keep up since the beginning of the semester and now I'm just dying.

There's so many other things that I've been struggling with this semester but I mean this'll suffice.

I stupidly didn't document with the school that I have ADHD until this week, it's part of their Disabilities, though.

I am honestly so ridiculously stressed and overwhelmed that I want to ask them if I am allowed to drop some classes... or maybe even just be able to talk with my professors and see what I can do.

Also, I know that my ADHD test told me that I have "severe inattention." Which I think is accurate. I have pretty intense brain fog, as I forget what I was doing or where I put something moments ago like all the time.

Do I sound like a baby? Do I sound like I should just suck it up and fail these classes because I deserve it for being dumb? Or should I seriously request for my Disability Counseling appointment on Monday (was supposed to have one yesterday at 8 am, but I obviously woke up late. Had no clue how I thought I would get there on time when I'm always at least 10 minutes late to my 8:30 class).

Basically, the more time passes without extra help, the more anxiety and stress piles up, the more irresponsible I become. And it's KILLING me.

MickeMouseFan 10-28-17 07:59 AM

Re: A complete nightmare of a semester
 
I know what you are going through. I went through 3 years of it in my undergraduate degree. That was enough to make me drop out of postgraduate studies. No way I am going through that again.

Fuzzy12 10-28-17 08:34 AM

Re: A complete nightmare of a semester
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by heythere999 (Post 1969735)
Basically, this semester I decided to change my major and it's a risky, scary, and highly competitive one: music. I was able to get into the program despite usually needing a decent amount of experience, and it's of the top ranked in the nation.

However, I was not ready... at all.

-The program requires you to be full time in order to get private lessons (which are mandatory, so basically you need to be full time). This wouldn't be too much of a problem, except they purposely made it so that pretty much every class is 1 or 2 units, despite taking a lot of effort, especially if you are new to music. I started off the semester with 8 classes... 8. Monday through Friday. I was able to drop one 1 unit class, so now I have 7.
-I commute. It takes me 60-70 minutes to drive to school and park, meaning pretty much 2 hours a day is wasted on driving alone.
-The program requires you to buy tickets for, and attend, over a dozen concerts.
-Even the 1 unit programs require a lot of effort. For example, one of my classes is piano. It's 50 minutes, twice a week. But you are expected to practice at least an hour a day. The problem is, I have about 3-4 other classes where you are expected to do the same thing. I have another class where I am also required to teach another student at another school at least 6 times.
-I am new to music, so I also had to learn music theory from scratch, whilst trying to keep up with everything. And it's EXHAUSTING.
-I have always been known to be pretty uncoordinated. I'm clumsy, I don't walk straight, etc. So piano is extremely difficult for me.
-Considering I am in a totally new environment, with lesser experience compared to everyone else, I was frightened to death of interacting with others; I felt like I didn't belong. Made everything much harder. Not to mention for things like my piano class, my professor states grades out loud and makes comments out loud, making me ridiculously embarrassed. To give some idea of how low my self esteem is, I was convinced that I was too dumb to drive. Only until I was forced to, at the age of 21, did I finally start driving on my own. It's been getting better in the past year thanks to this prescription, but yeah. Still not high.
-I also work. For the first 5 weeks of the semester, I had class Mon-Friday, along with work Thurs-Sunday. And my job isn't some easy, braindead thing. The place gets super busy, and it's a lot of running around. I accidentally had my Tracker App on for 3 hours during my shift, and it told me that I had walked over 4 miles. I finally asked to cut it down to 1-2 shifts a week, because I was beyond exhausted. Each shift is physically draining. Unfortunately I cannot quit because I need the money.

To make matters worse, even WITH meds, I am still wildly unorganized. If I clean my room it'll definitely stay that way for less than 24 hours. I lose things CONSTANTLY. The whole "I JUST had my keys in my hand 5 seconds ago, where the hell is it???" happens to me nearly every single day. Every single day, I am either looking for my wallet, my keys, my glasses, or something else, or a combination. Wastes time, for sure. And I'm still overwhelmed and relatively new at trying to be independent and responsible. I've basically been falling behind. Along with being anxious and feeling unworthy, I've been getting more and more embarrassed.

I've also noticed that the more stressed I am, the more chronically late I am... to everything. I've been EXTREMELY stressed the past 5 weeks, so I have been 10-30 minutes late to all of my first classes of the day almost every time. I have also been 1-10 minutes late for every shift in the past 4 weeks.

I also currently have a prescription for 2 IR's a day. Unfortunately, this means that outside of those 8 hours in the day, I am an unproductive mess. Instead of taking steps to rid of my stress and anxiety, when I'm not on it, I just do nothing.

It's been a horrible, horrible semester. My professors can see that I am a walking anxiety machine, and that I'm ridiculously stressed, BUT they can also see that I am trying and taking it seriously. It's just that I've been struggling to keep up since the beginning of the semester and now I'm just dying.

There's so many other things that I've been struggling with this semester but I mean this'll suffice.

I stupidly didn't document with the school that I have ADHD until this week, it's part of their Disabilities, though.

I am honestly so ridiculously stressed and overwhelmed that I want to ask them if I am allowed to drop some classes... or maybe even just be able to talk with my professors and see what I can do.

Also, I know that my ADHD test told me that I have "severe inattention." Which I think is accurate. I have pretty intense brain fog, as I forget what I was doing or where I put something moments ago like all the time.

Do I sound like a baby? Do I sound like I should just suck it up and fail these classes because I deserve it for being dumb? Or should I seriously request for my Disability Counseling appointment on Monday (was supposed to have one yesterday at 8 am, but I obviously woke up late. Had no clue how I thought I would get there on time when I'm always at least 10 minutes late to my 8:30 class).

Basically, the more time passes without extra help, the more anxiety and stress piles up, the more irresponsible I become. And it's KILLING me.

Your schedule sounds crazy even withoit considering adhd or the commute. Ifd I understand correctly you have to orwxtice every day for 3 to 4h. :eek:

Have you spoken to your tutor or advisor or anyone like that? How is anyone expected to keep up with that

heythere999 10-31-17 05:36 PM

Re: A complete nightmare of a semester
 
So I ended up FINALLY registering in my school's Disability program, as I was diagnosed with Severe Inattentive ADHD (and my psychologist even suggested that I might have another learning disability).

I talked to a counselor, and when I brought up how overwhelmed I am, and how I was required to be over full time, and how I have 7 classes, and how I've been told to take another 7 classes for next semester, she told me that I don't have to be required to take any amount of classes. I can take only 6 or 8 or 10 units if I want to.

But I fear that it would be too late to drop courses :( I have to call academic advisement now, but I'm scared that I won't be able to drop any courses and I'll have a bunch of D's or F's on my transcript now. *sigh* Gotta get it overwith and not lag it like everything else, though. But I wish I could tell them that I ONLY enrolled in this many courses because I was forced to. If it were up to me, I would have only taken 3 or max 4 classes this semester. I wouldn't want to overload myself, especially since I am new to the major. I have literally never felt this defeated before. I've literally given up on one of my classes (piano). It's 1 unit, 50 minutes, twice a week. It's at 8:30 AM, and I have to leave my house by 6:50 if I don't want to be late. And you're expected to practice for at least one hour a day. Given the fact that my coordination and knowledge of musicianship is subpar, that means even more time needs to be devoted. And this is ONE class. It's just too much, especially since I commute and I also have a job :(

MickeMouseFan 11-01-17 09:54 AM

Re: A complete nightmare of a semester
 
Keep your job and sanity. Let go of the studies.

finallyfound10 11-03-17 08:21 PM

Re: A complete nightmare of a semester
 
Oh WOW!! I got stressed just reading your post! Good for you going to the disability services! Can you increase the meds so they last longer? Thankfully you were able to give up piano!

I really admire you for changing your major!

heythere999 11-05-17 02:49 AM

Re: A complete nightmare of a semester
 
Good news! They told me I can drop any classes I want. The fact that the first thing my counselor said to me was "soooo, are you thinking of dropping all your classes for this semester?" (non-negative tone) was a relief. I was HORRIFIED that I was going to remain with like 3 F's on my transcript lol.

That reduced my stress by about... 38485839% (though it's still quite high).

Honestly I think what I've noticed is that people who have known me for a while have already noticed that I've grown up, become more responsible, more intelligent, and that I've gotten significantly better looking. I've been receiving constant compliments on my looks, for instance.

So, even though people from my high school class have already graduated (well, the ones who graduated on time aka 4 years), I'm ok with taking another 2 1/2 years. I think people won't judge me too much. I haven't had the easiest life in the universe; I've had to deal with my dad dying in high school, I've had to deal with issues regarding my sexuality and having to come out, plus I've had to take care of my ADHD. So I think it's ok that I'm taking a long time. At the very least, I try to improve myself almost every day.


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