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-   -   How do you build self confidence? (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=194274)

italianstallion 01-07-19 05:44 PM

How do you build self confidence?
 
I've lacked confidence for as long as I can remember.

I don't know how much of it is the direct result of ADHD and anxiety, or if it's the result of years of failures, fear of rejection, never feeling good enough and other negative experiences that kept making my confidence dip lower and lower.

Has anyone found cognitive behavioral therapy to be helpful?

I have a bad habit of looking for quick fixes, thinking the solution is always something as simple as starting a new medication. Maybe I need to dig deeper, could the solution be to somehow address years of damage, be it through CBT or something else?

finallyfound10 01-08-19 02:21 PM

Re: How do you build self confidence?
 
Coincidence? I think not. Just a few minutes ago I looked up curing/treating low self-esteem and found articles on various sites. Most said that therapy is the way to go. CBT was mentioned most often.



I've been in therapy on and off for different things but have never worked on self-esteem as it wasn't really the issue like it is now. I also know that for me (as possibly for you, too) getting out of a current job situation- and most likely entire field- would help a lot.

tudorose 01-09-19 08:44 AM

Re: How do you build self confidence?
 
You can't even begin to gain confidence until you get the toxic people out of your life. Speaking from experience. I still got a long way to go now I am free

kilted_scotsman 01-10-19 01:42 PM

Re: How do you build self confidence?
 
ADHD and low self esteem are siamese twins....

Therapy is a good place to begin.... doesn't have to be CBT, the most important part is being seen, heard and validated by another human being. We all respond differently so there is no one "best" type of therapy..... it's very personal and intimately tied up with the personality of the therapist.

As Tudorose says..... avoiding toxic people/situations is also important. but it's often difficult to know who/where these are without someone impartial to discuss things with.

Likewise I find doing positive things, hanging ut with positive people and using positive mantras really helps... though it takes time to find these..... and may often mean stepping outside our comfort zone and trying new things.... again support from a good therapist can help immensely in this process.

Daniel1970 01-10-19 05:05 PM

Re: How do you build self confidence?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by italianstallion (Post 2012896)
I've lacked confidence for as long as I can remember.

I don't know how much of it is the direct result of ADHD and anxiety, or if it's the result of years of failures, fear of rejection, never feeling good enough and other negative experiences that kept making my confidence dip lower and lower.

Has anyone found cognitive behavioral therapy to be helpful?

I have a bad habit of looking for quick fixes, thinking the solution is always something as simple as starting a new medication. Maybe I need to dig deeper, could the solution be to somehow address years of damage, be it through CBT or something else?

I got this sheet on a whole bunch of ways to build self-confidence off of a YouTube video. Let me see if I can find it in my files!

Does addf allow you to attach documents to posts?

All the best,
Daniel

namazu 01-10-19 08:21 PM

Re: How do you build self confidence?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by DanielGM1970 (Post 2013028)
Does addf allow you to attach documents to posts?

Yep -- when you are in the reply window, click the paperclip icon (http://www.addforums.com/forums/imag...tor/attach.gif) and you'll get an upload screen. :cool:

daveddd 01-10-19 09:47 PM

Re: How do you build self confidence?
 
maybe it cant be fixed

just like our lack of focus and so on

seems like answers always come from reading this or that, not from a confident person who used to have low self esteem

Greyhound1 01-10-19 10:53 PM

Re: How do you build self confidence?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by daveddd (Post 2013043)
maybe it cant be fixed

just like our lack of focus and so on

seems like answers always come from reading this or that, not from a confident person who used to have low self esteem

I don’t think confidence can ever be fixed but I know from experience it can be improved. I feel like, I’ve lived two different lives given the extreme highs and lows I’ve had with self-confidence.

Some things, I’m overly confident and other things make me want to crawl under a rock. No confidence at all. Confidence can be improved if worked on properly with diligence, patience, self-forgiveness and self-acceptance. It’s not easy but possible. I’m very confident about that.:)

I think of confidence being like a Jenga game. We build it up block by block and as we have negative experiences, blocks get pulled out from our tower of confidence making us weaker. We lose enough blocks and our confidence levels collapse. Learning how to build it back and following through is the key. Link for any young cats saying Jenga?:scratch: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jenga

Learning how to love and accept ourselves as we are, is really the first and hardest step imo. After that, it becomes much easier, I promise.

tudorose 01-11-19 04:01 AM

Re: How do you build self confidence?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by kilted_scotsman (Post 2013025)

As Tudorose says..... avoiding toxic people/situations is also important. but it's often difficult to know who/where these are without someone impartial to discuss things with..

Once you acquire this ability it's very empowering. You don't feel like a sitting duck and it's easier to avoid getting into situations in the first place. My Impartial people were on a forum where we would share what we learned.

I'll post something about it on day just time poor atm

gateway 01-15-19 06:23 PM

Re: How do you build self confidence?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by italianstallion (Post 2012896)
I've lacked confidence for as long as I can remember.

I don't know how much of it is the direct result of ADHD and anxiety, or if it's the result of years of failures, fear of rejection, never feeling good enough and other negative experiences that kept making my confidence dip lower and lower.

Has anyone found cognitive behavioral therapy to be helpful?

I have a bad habit of looking for quick fixes, thinking the solution is always something as simple as starting a new medication. Maybe I need to dig deeper, could the solution be to somehow address years of damage, be it through CBT or something else?


For me it comes and goes, right now I am in the "goes" moment, needing it to come back, urgently.

What helps me is a daily gym routine, once I have that, I feel in shape, my the endorphins relax me, and it somehow boosts the effects of my medication (Medikinet + Wellbutrin). Not to mention that exercise boosts your testosterone level (big plus)

Right now, it is a cold winter here, and I haven't been going to the gym lately due to lots of work & university... but once I normally start exercising on a regular basis, the changes on my self-confidence are notorious, if your body feels good, your mind will also feel good.

Afterall, 100 years ago we were outside working our asses off in a carbon mine, nowadays it is sitting in an office for hours and no exercise whatsoever.

Give the gym a try, hope it helps!

Daniel1970 01-16-19 11:16 AM

Re: How do you build self confidence?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by namazu (Post 2013040)
Yep -- when you are in the reply window, click the paperclip icon (http://www.addforums.com/forums/imag...tor/attach.gif) and you'll get an upload screen. :cool:

I'll get on it when I'm home from work. :)

sarahsweets 01-16-19 12:03 PM

Re: How do you build self confidence?
 
I'm not saying therapy is bad or that it doesnt work but as far as self confidence goes, I had to learn that on my own. For me it took sobriety but for some it could be some other cathartic life event. I had to be ok with me. I needed some serious self reflection and analysis of what made me tick. I had to let go of past resentments and learn acceptance. I had to learn to forgive. I had to learn my strengths and accept my weaknesses. I learned to work with my body and mind instead of against it. I found out that I was actually a good person and had good things to offer. The other big thing was helping others. For me, yes, it involves the recovery community but it also involves unrelated volunteering in my community. I particularly like going into the women's prison. The women there are so desperate for understanding (recovery too) and so many of them are victims of domestic violence and neglectful parenting. It helps me to be grateful and when you are thinking of others it is very hard to think about yourself.

Little Missy 01-16-19 01:56 PM

Re: How do you build self confidence?
 
If you get bucked off, get right back on.

Daniel1970 01-17-19 01:03 AM

Re: How do you build self confidence?
 
I tried uploading the confidence cheat sheet pdf that I mentioned; it said I could not upload because "a security token was missing". I notified the admins and hopefully will receive a response.

D.

Daniel1970 01-17-19 01:05 AM

Re: How do you build self confidence?
 
Ah, the pdf is too big (8 MB). Maybe I can post a link to where I found it.

D.


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