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-   -   Life Is Too Difficult - So Tired of Struggling (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=192480)

chris87 07-21-18 04:45 PM

Life Is Too Difficult - So Tired of Struggling
 
I feel like my life is too difficult, and I just want to give up. I'm so tired of struggling.

Everything is hard for me, and everything that I touch turns into a disaster. I have no motivation, and even though I want to change, I can't do it. I hardly ever look forward to starting my day, and I am never productive. I am constantly worried/nervous (health, money, future, etc). I had a stressful experience about a year ago, and it changed me somehow.

I also can't make decisions without getting extremely overwhelmed. If I have more than one option to choose from, I totally freak out. I'm so worried about making the right choice that I end up choosing nothing. Focus and concentration are almost non-existent. I'll spend more time staring at my computer screen than doing actual work. At times, I feel a strong desire to leave everything. It's like I want to move 3,000 miles away, so I can be free of my daily life.

Nothing good ever seems to happen. As an example, my car got stolen a few days ago. I feel like the timing could not have been worse, and I have no interest in dealing with it. Just the thought of having to buy a new car is an ordeal. Everything requires too much effort, even something as simple as reading a book. At some point in my life (I'm 29 now), I feel like I had potential. I don't feel that way anymore, and I don't envision myself ever being productive or successful.

Something that really bothers me is that I am always helping other people, but I can never seem to help myself. To others, I probably look like I am in complete control of my life. In reality, it's an utter mess.

In the past, I've been treated for ADHD, OCD (70% resolved), and some minor social anxiety. The medications never really did anything, and I hated taking them.

I feel like there is so much wrong that it's almost impossible to fix anything. Even the smallest tasks feel insurmountable.

Rimalucy 07-21-18 08:40 PM

Re: Life Is Too Difficult - So Tired of Struggling
 
Hi, I'm so sorry you're having a bad time and can relate to not being able to deal anymore. But you're definitely not alone... many people are in similar boats and not all have magic answers, though if you can reach out to anyone else at all, whether friends, family or ?? you might find someone who understands and may have some ideas of how to cope. You're way too young to give up, though I'm sure it's hard now to see light.

Have you had any therapy? I do understand that meds can be difficult, and that you need more than those to help... have you done CBT with anyone? What would happen if you did take off on a trip by yourself - would lightning strike, or just... 'whoops' I may need to find another job afterward :umm1:?

Do you have family elsewhere? Maybe old friends to call? The hardest part IS just making one step... and then the next, but maybe if you could find one other person in a similar rut to buddy with, you could help each other... even if it means maybe trying unorthodox ways such as talking even to e.g. church people/pastors, etc. (and I'm an atheist, but my bro's a priest who really does help others at times), or Meet-up groups, etc.

Are you working? Does your co. have a 'mental health' connection that your insce. might cover?

Please write back and tell us more about how you ended up 'there'... and we'll wait to know more because we do care... really!:o

Oh! Just saw an earlier post of yours re blue/white collar stuff and I SO can relate! Was brought up by a father who was a great art and theater critic (for real) apart from other things... but I so, SO wish (now, and I'm almost 75) that he'd shut up a bit about the arts, literature, etc etc. and introduced me to a little real life and MOSTLY drop his awful snobbish attitude re 'us' and 'them' (them being ordinary working class people who he did not treat well). It kept me from having the life I could have... won't bore you with details here... and I still fight every day to keep myself from being resentful (that's polite!) etc... Have just made the life I did and did the best I could with it and letting myself feel hate for him (even though I also love(d) him - a great pop in other ways) only hurts me now so I have to deliberately just get busy with other things, thoughts, etc... though it doesn't always work perfectly of course!

Anyhow... you could be the best at what you can do and like doing, and when you're the best - or even just ok - at something, you should feel good about yourself and the hell with the rest. Think of all the others who can't do what you can - believe me, there are lots! Anyhow, please get back... give yourself another chance and remember there is time (for you, anyhow) to find a better place. Have you had career counselling - it's amazing how it can point you in directions you never considered!

finallyfound10 07-22-18 03:01 PM

Re: Life Is Too Difficult - So Tired of Struggling
 
I can identify in many ways.



The overwhelmed feeling is terrible to live with. What has helped are ADHD meds, anti-depressants/anti-anxiety meds and therapy. It's been a very long haul and it's not over yet just considerably better. Try other meds out there. Go to a psychiatrist who really knows these meds not just your PCP.


I've said that I'm not well equipped for modern life and think I would have done so much better in a slower, less detailed period of time.

sarahsweets 07-24-18 03:46 AM

Re: Life Is Too Difficult - So Tired of Struggling
 
I wish I had an answer for you. The only thing I can think of is practice. Practice making choices when it isnt earth shattering. When its time for lunch, practice choosing. Try and understand that not every decision isnt the most important decision you will have to make.

Kunga Dorji 07-24-18 04:22 AM

Re: Life Is Too Difficult - So Tired of Struggling
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by chris87 (Post 2000594)
I feel like my life is too difficult, and I just want to give up. I'm so tired of struggling.

Everything is hard for me, and everything that I touch turns into a disaster. I have no motivation, and even though I want to change, I can't do it. I hardly ever look forward to starting my day, and I am never productive. I am constantly worried/nervous (health, money, future, etc). I had a stressful experience about a year ago, and it changed me somehow.

I also can't make decisions without getting extremely overwhelmed. If I have more than one option to choose from, I totally freak out. I'm so worried about making the right choice that I end up choosing nothing. Focus and concentration are almost non-existent. I'll spend more time staring at my computer screen than doing actual work. At times, I feel a strong desire to leave everything. It's like I want to move 3,000 miles away, so I can be free of my daily life.

Nothing good ever seems to happen. As an example, my car got stolen a few days ago. I feel like the timing could not have been worse, and I have no interest in dealing with it. Just the thought of having to buy a new car is an ordeal. Everything requires too much effort, even something as simple as reading a book. At some point in my life (I'm 29 now), I feel like I had potential. I don't feel that way anymore, and I don't envision myself ever being productive or successful.

Something that really bothers me is that I am always helping other people, but I can never seem to help myself. To others, I probably look like I am in complete control of my life. In reality, it's an utter mess.

In the past, I've been treated for ADHD, OCD (70% resolved), and some minor social anxiety. The medications never really did anything, and I hated taking them.

I feel like there is so much wrong that it's almost impossible to fix anything. Even the smallest tasks feel insurmountable.


You comment that you are always helping others and that others might think you are in complete control of your life, and that maybe offers a way forward.

Virtually all of us do better when we are socialising and getting positive feelings from all those mirror neurone interactions.

That is healthy in fact, but if you are feeling somewhat off that interaction can make all the difference. Is there a friend who can work with you to help you work through essential tasks?


Personally I have had lots of issues with feeling like this, often feeling that I did not want to get up and go to work. I spent a year from mid 2016 feeling exactly like this.

Years ago, I learned a technique called mindfulness integrated CBT, to use in my work, and I gradually learned to apply it to myself. So in time this feeling of being overwhelmed/ stressed gradually broke down to smaller items that were more manageable.

Actually identifying the real cause has taken much longer, but the first result of the mindfulness has been to help me be able to distance myself from the stress symptoms and stop feeding them with negative thoughts.

I wonder how much exercise you are getting. Exercise and outdoors are really helpful- especially if you can add company to the mix. Also important- not too much computer time.

LyrinMeow 07-24-18 04:29 PM

Re: Life Is Too Difficult - So Tired of Struggling
 
The problem with depression and anxiety is that if you don't treat them and stay on top of them they get worse. People aren't born agoraphobic.

So step 1 is to treat them. You'll need a psych for this, whether it be for meds or therapy. That is your decision. But I can say its rare to find the right med right off the bat especially if you are working with multiple illnesses. CBT of some variety should help. Or mostly cure. Just depends on the person and the illness.

Throw a little zen your way. "The obstacle is the path." All those problems? That's life. If you are waiting for life to begin you will wait forever. Its right here right now. And sometimes life just f-ing sucks. You have to deal because you can't change it. My friend had her car stolen once and then her purse stolen twice in the same month. It doesn't matter how put together you are you should always be ready for a curve ball because it's coming.

I believe most of us on this forum have to fight far more than your average Joe just to function. So many of us are familiar with that feeling. I'm not sure whether it got easier or I got tougher but I'm doing way better than I used to. I also look fine from the outside. People think I am put together. (ha!)

I look at "norrmal" people and think "You couldn't handle half the sh- I go through." and shrug and move on.

Exercise is great. Those lovely little endorphins. I exercise 3-5 days a week. Great mood boost and also helps you fall asleep. Mindfulness as the person above said is also great for anxiety. I try to incorporate it into my life and I meditate about half an hour a day.

I'd like to mention I didn't even start my degree until I was 29. You have plenty of time to reinvent yourself.

So: psychiatrist, possible meds, at minimum CBT, try some mindfullness, some exercise, and then become a bad a- and plow through all the bullshi-.

Hephzibah 07-26-18 08:02 PM

Re: Life Is Too Difficult - So Tired of Struggling
 
If you feel like you’ve changed from the experience you had 1 yr ago I wonder if you need help healing from that? Sometimes it helps to talk to a counselor. I don’t always need one, but I always make sure to see mine when I do. It also helps to have support when you are trying to make changes in your life and to help you make a plan and decisions so it’s not so overwhelming. Exercise is a big help as well. My doc says it has to be aerobic exercise that really gets your heart rate up.

I understand not wanting to take meds. I haven’t taken any for years. I never liked how they made me feel. You sound like a very kind and thoughtful person. I believe you have been given great gifts and potential that nothing and no mistake can take away from you. Some of your gifts you probably haven’t even discovered yet.

I always used to struggle with anxiety/ social anxiety/depression from a very young age. Possibly even ADD which was undiagnosed cause they just didn’t do that so much back then. So many times I wished things were easier-I wished it was easier to make friends. I wished studying was easier. I wished just going to the store was easier. (At work people said I was OCD, but I believe that as a housekeeper I was in fact just doing my job with excellence;-) Running away sounds great and when you fantasize about it for a moment there is relief. I learned from experience that wherever I am there I am. I moved 2,000 miles away from my home in the north to Houston. When my BF and I broke up I decided to stay. I was determined to change-to escape the anxiety and be a successful baker/cook whatever. I failed. I couldn’t do it on my own.

I went to a womens shelter near Houston. Things didn’t instantaneously change for me. In the shelter I met another lady who told me she had ADD. I learned from her that I needed to write things down to stay focused. So I started writing everything down to stay focused. I started taking notes-pretty much writing down word for word as fast as I could everything that was said. I learned that I needed to underline while I read to focus on what I was reading. I had a hard time focusing so I started writing down my hopes which became more like a journal. Little by little I was being given the tools to heal. Tools that helped me when I finally started taking college classes at the age of 35. Tools that have also unlocked other gifts-like writing. I barely remember all the things I used to worry about before.

I’ve also since then had a counselor do a personality profile on me. Turns out I’m pretty melancholy. (most personality profiles only recognize 4 traits and this one recognized 5) It really helped me understand who I was created to be and appreciate those gifts. Even though its not a very popular personality, it relieved a lot of the anxiety. I wonder sometimes if we try too hard to work against ourselves instead of with ourselves. There’s a little girl next door who has ADHD. She has so much energy and such a cheerful personality. I cant help but think that she must have all that energy for some reason. Same for you. What if ADHD is an ability instead of a disability.I know its super hard. Just don’t give up. I hope you will be able to find a counselor or someone to help you through this time. Meanwhile we are here for you <3

sarahsweets 07-28-18 05:52 AM

Re: Life Is Too Difficult - So Tired of Struggling
 
OP I am sorry that you hate taking meds. I cant wrap my head around that kind of thinking because mine help me so much. It took awhile to find the right ones.

dormammau2008 07-29-18 09:55 AM

Re: Life Is Too Difficult - So Tired of Struggling
 
Good advice would also to increase your vitamins which what I do works wounders seriously I highly recommended it I can give you what I take if it helps let me know if interestined dorm ;) PS never give up


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