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Drogheda98 05-05-19 09:23 PM

success story!
 
I'm the happiest I've ever been. I just want to relate to each of you people through the boards what just transpired.

yesterday, I made the decision to talk with my parents. for a while now I've been reading up on lacanian psychology and, ehh, it doesn't really matter.

the notion of "this" and "that" is what matters in the research.

anyway, Myself, My Father and my Mother sat around a table and had a discussion I wish we always had. I first said (a fragment that I have told myself for so long) I'm here, I am right here I told them (usually don't like telling people however, I had to get this all out and it was the only way I could think of) that I had 4 options available to my own development, stay neurotic/oedipal, pshychosis cause neurosis is the positive side of pshychosis, I could start developing normally, dementia, or high functioning sociopathy.

I didn't say those things to scare them, I said them because all but 1 of the outcomes scared me. I started out saying (which probably looked odd to them) "this is my mother(pointing at my Mother) That is my father (pointing at my father).

so we sat and talked about things for a while, things I've researched (from the authors my therapist has suggested), things my therapist has directly said to me. I basically said that a software upgrade was required for Myself and My Father and My Mother.

"please, do not call me a kid any longer, it's hurting my development and I know xxx aren't meaning too", in which they replied to me that ya, they weren't. my Mother suggested Adult child and I told her no

all the while in the back of my mind, the terms (That it's the name of the Father) and "this outward is mother" were sinking in and being expelled out at the same time. I looked at my father and said " Father, xxx(don't want to project) have the ability to make me or break me, breaking me would mean 4 or 5 more years of therapy, However, I want to be a Father just like My Father (however like, to be a better Man).

His eyes lit up, and he told me without prompting from me to be myself. the discussion went on for a while, I learned more about my family and extended family, and both of my Parents started to actually encourage me without nitpick. I was simply amazed. all the stuff frued wrote about started coming out of their mouth

for about an hour and, right now, I feel euphoria, deep empathy, love, excitement, a pleathera of feelings. the discussion wore me out but I feel more whole than I ever have before.

I went to check up on them and they were happy, the family dog ran in and started jumping when my father was showing me a workout routine and instead of getting mad at watson(not me, heh), he played with him.

I feel, even now, that a part of my brain is unlocking, it's an odd feeling and a feeling I've felt in therapy before. I also feel like, their has been a deep unconscious fight in my head that hasn't been resolved up until now. I'm going to rest the remainder of the evening and just feel, but I think tommorow is going to be the first day of the rest of my life.

I'm sure some of you who have been in therapy waiting rooms before, their is like a picture of a guy standing on top of a mountain with both arms raised, it's how I feel.


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