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-   -   Social Anxiety and Depression (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=185064)

JayOrmaru 04-20-17 05:14 PM

Social Anxiety and Depression
 
My life feels like its been derailing for quite a while. There is so much extraneous in my head that I can barely continue a coherent thought... and this is when I'm on my medication. I've moved past anxiety attacks but now I'm just drifting in this numb state where my health is declining, my work ethic and passion have withered and my self-criticism controls every action.

The one issue that has been bothering me more than usual is my lack of social skills in public. Conversation and small talk just seem so foreign to me, and yet people do it so nonchalantly.

Does anyone feel so distant from other people? Like they're just spectating everything in life? There's so much opportunity that I've missed at this point that it feels like why even bother?

aur462 04-20-17 06:11 PM

Re: Social Anxiety and Depression
 
Your overall situation sounds similar to mine, particularly lately. Since discontinuing an anti-depressant about 6 weeks ago, I've suffered from some of the worst brain fog I've ever had - "ground control to major tom"/space cadet purgatory. My attribution of increased "fog" to discontinuation based on correlation. It's affected my confidence - which I expect to be temporary.

Do you have a social anxiety disorder? This would just be made worse by brain fog.

JayOrmaru 04-20-17 07:52 PM

Re: Social Anxiety and Depression
 
Brain fog.. that's a pretty good metaphor. I share the symptoms but I've never been diagnosed ( I should probably do something about that), only chronic depression and adhd. I've developed a nasty habit of jumping on and off my anti-depressant. So far I've been back on it for about 2 weeks but the effects just feeling like cognitive numbing at this point.

WheresMyMind 04-20-17 09:21 PM

Re: Social Anxiety and Depression
 
I don't have social anxiety - that is, I don't fear being around people/parties/strangers...

Instead, I have an utter lack of knowledge of how to start!

I had ZERO friends until college! I lived in the neighborhood where all the jocks lived, but I was no jock - with my eyesight, I could not do well at any competitive sport, and that's all the other boys did. When I'd try out for a whiffle ball afternoon, they'd pick sides...and then ask me to go home. It didn't bother me - nobody had told me that one was a failure if guys didn't pick you for their team, so I just did stuff on my own. Bike riding and lots of reading and getting into electronics and photography as hobbies - in 2nd grade!

In college, I had friends falling out of my ears! If I was in a class, say, of 30 people, we ALL had things in common. We were the same age, we lived within walking distance of each other, we were studying and struggling with the same class - piece of cake. Didn't hurt that my childhood of being by myself got me to be VERY good at book learning, so I was the favorite study partner of many other students, in particular women - my chosen field had few women and without even trying, by the time I was done with school, I had dated ALL the women in my field...which would be 8 of them, amusingly 3 had the same name, Sue Smith.

So, I figured somehow I'd broken the barrier, had figured to make friends, and would probably live the rest of my life with plenty of male and female companions.

But it was not to be. After college, I moved to a big city and discovered I was clueless about how to engage socially.

I ended up making friends on the job and nowhere else...which was enough, most of the time, until I became the oldest person on my work teams and the younger folks had no interest in socializing outside of work with me.

So now I don't work...and spend my days working on my own projects...alone. Not lonely, I don't yearn for companionship or anything like that. But I would like to have folks around.

I go out many evenings, to sip a glass of wine and have a salad and I schmooze with the waitstaff, who are all half my age...but this isn't garnering friends.

I sure do need better ideas about this kind of thing.

WMM

sarahsweets 04-21-17 04:16 AM

Re: Social Anxiety and Depression
 
I am a big believer that social anxiety is underdiagnosed in people with depression and adhd. The depression seems to take the center and some doctors and people think social anxiety is just being shy or introverted or scared of friends, or something lame like that. Social anxiety is just as bad and can be crippling, and I dont think its something that you always had to have had; I think it can surface later in life and slap you silly. It goes beyond talking at parties or making friends. It interferes with every aspect of existing in public, large or small settings. Some people cant begin to think they can deal with a party or event. Some people have no issued with events cause they can melt into the backround yet cringe when they are sitting in a classroom. Some people are even able to act in theater, yet stammer when someone asks them where the nearest restroom is.
I urge you to see a doc and get diagnosed. There are many medications specific to anxiety that can help your quality of life.

icantbelive93 04-21-17 05:55 PM

Re: Social Anxiety and Depression
 
Yesss, my social skills suck. I'm horrible at small talk and it's always awkward. I never know what to say and when I do say something it's often the wrong thing. It sucks cause it makes you feel so stuck in life...

MissAnnThrope 04-21-17 10:44 PM

Re: Social Anxiety and Depression
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahsweets (Post 1943719)
I am a big believer that social anxiety is underdiagnosed in people with depression and adhd. The depression seems to take the center and some doctors and people think social anxiety is just being shy or introverted or scared of friends, or something lame like that. Social anxiety is just as bad and can be crippling, and I dont think its something that you always had to have had; I think it can surface later in life and slap you silly. It goes beyond talking at parties or making friends. It interferes with every aspect of existing in public, large or small settings. Some people cant begin to think they can deal with a party or event. Some people have no issued with events cause they can melt into the backround yet cringe when they are sitting in a classroom. Some people are even able to act in theater, yet stammer when someone asks them where the nearest restroom is.
I urge you to see a doc and get diagnosed. There are many medications specific to anxiety that can help your quality of life.

Interesting SS, in that one of the few things my (now former) therapist said that I believed was identical to your paragraph above. She said that nearly 90% of patients she has treated w/ ADD also have social anxiety.

In my case, I just get so. ... tired? ... of trying to appear "normal" that it stopped being worth it. Kind of. Mostly.


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