ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community

ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community (http://www.addforums.com/forums/index.php)
-   Relationships & Social Issues (http://www.addforums.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=61)
-   -   On a dating downer again (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=189391)

Fraser_0762 12-01-17 05:56 PM

On a dating downer again
 
I don't know what's wrong with me. (Well actually I do), but I just don't know how to fix these wrongs about myself. It really impacts my ability to meet women in the dating world.

I end up throwing myself in too deep too quickly and suddenly that girl that was interested in me 5 minutes ago no longer wants to respond. It always starts off as a bit of fun, but then I run out of ideas to keep things interesting, so I end up talking too much about myself and my flaws, which seems to be an instant no no which I can't seem to avoid.

I always convince myself that "this one is different, this girl will just like and accept me for all that I am", but it's just me lying to myself every single time.

27 and i've never had a single date. A few phone numbers and a few text message exchanges is as far as i'll ever get. I'm just too damn flawed. :(

midnightstar 12-01-17 06:10 PM

Re: On a dating downer again
 
I know the feeling, Fraser :grouphug:

Fuzzy12 12-01-17 06:23 PM

Re: On a dating downer again
 
What flaws do you talk about? What's the last thing that you said before she disappeared?

Fraser_0762 12-01-17 06:27 PM

Re: On a dating downer again
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzy12 (Post 1976361)
What flaws do you talk about? What's the last thing that you said before she disappeared?

I'm not just talking about one person in particular, i'm talking about every single instance.

It can be something stupid like "How was your day?". That's an instant no response right there, because it's such a boring thing to say and women probably get asked that at least 50 times a day from many different guys.

I can't be consistently entertaining and funny all of the time. So as soon as the fun guy factor wears off, so does my connection with that person.

Fuzzy12 12-01-17 06:29 PM

Re: On a dating downer again
 
The online dating world sounds very tough. :(

Fraser_0762 12-01-17 06:31 PM

Re: On a dating downer again
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzy12 (Post 1976364)
The online dating world sounds very tough. :(

Other guys seem to manage just fine though. So i'm clearly just weak. :(

Fuzzy12 12-01-17 08:26 PM

Re: On a dating downer again
 
Really? from everything you guys have ssaidin the past threads the success rate seeems to be fairly low for most people.:scratch:

WhiteOwl 12-01-17 08:30 PM

Re: On a dating downer again
 
So sorry, Fraser. :grouphug:

How long do you talk before it stops working? I heard a lot of people meet after only a few days talking on dating sites and at first, I thought that seemed too soon. But from my limited experience, after 2-3 days of consistently talking and finding out the basics, it's going to get stale if you don't meet up or at least talk on the phone. I'm sure there are exceptions, but that's just my experience. It seems like the site is just to get you started. After a couple days talking, I'm ready to see how we get along in person and start doing stuff together. I guess I'm trying to say, maybe if you've exchanged quite a few messages and you start to feel things are stalling, then it's time to ask to talk on the phone or meetup.

And whether online or in person, you don't exist for another person's entertainment. Is anyone consistently funny and entertaining? It's about getting to know the other person and being compatible with each other. I have actually looked up lists of questions you can ask the other person, so you can do that if you feel you're not asking enough about them. I understand the temptation to talk too much about yourself and your flaws. I started to do that just last night, and had to catch myself.

I do think you should not give up. Take a break if you need to, but don't give up completely. What happened to joining a Meetup group? Did you try that yet?

Batman55 12-02-17 12:07 AM

Re: On a dating downer again
 
My advice for online dating success: don't be a guy

Cynical and redundant, maybe, but oh-so-true pretty much

Batman55 12-02-17 12:14 AM

Re: On a dating downer again
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by WhiteOwl (Post 1976385)
I do think you should not give up.

Was going to mention a bit of irony here, but nevermind. The cynic is loose again, and perhaps making a few too many assumptions

Rejection sensitivity is not so easy to deal with when you're not prime material given the competition. There are 2 ways to be prime material, one of them mentioned above.. as for the other

"Everyone wants the highest value they can get" said another poster; does it not merely come down to this at the end of the day, as opposed to the ideal of no-holds-barred honesty? Could this be what's going on here?

acdc01 12-02-17 01:00 AM

Re: On a dating downer again
 
I can't imagine it was because of your how was your day comment. No one can come up with witty comments constantly and you already hooked her in with the cheese line.

I was watching a youtube video on the messages that couples sent when they first started messaging each other through online dating. Boy were their conversations dry. I think you are actually way ahead of the curve when it comes to being able to come up with interesting comments.

What other flaws did you mention and did you mention your flaws in what way did you mention your flaws? Like did you sound really hard on yourself, we're your flaws mentioned with humor? Did you go on and on about them? What were the last things you spoke to her about?

aeon 12-02-17 01:21 AM

Re: On a dating downer again
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Batman55 (Post 1976485)
"Everyone wants the highest value they can get" said another poster;...

And this is true. And so too is it also true that value, or worth, is subjective, and relative to the context of each and every person.

Where one may find beauty, another may find more, or less, or none at all, and sometimes there is nothing to explain this, and in no case is it necessary, regardless.

So to try and measure the value of this and that is a fool's errand.

And what does the heart know of such things anyway?

In loving another, the heart only desires the highest value it can give.

"In the end the love you take is equal to the love you make."


Carry That Weight,
Ian

WhiteOwl 12-02-17 01:57 AM

Re: On a dating downer again
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Batman55 (Post 1976485)
Was going to mention a bit of irony here, but nevermind. The cynic is loose again, and perhaps making a few too many assumptions

Rejection sensitivity is not so easy to deal with when you're not prime material given the competition. There are 2 ways to be prime material, one of them mentioned above.. as for the other

"Everyone wants the highest value they can get" said another poster; does it not merely come down to this at the end of the day, as opposed to the ideal of no-holds-barred honesty? Could this be what's going on here?

Feel free to mention the irony. And maybe it's because it's late and my brain is fried, but I'm not sure what you mean by your post in response to my post, especially your last couple sentences. What do you mean "the highest value" as opposed to honesty? I think you already know from what I've told you that I don't value the things that you have in your head women are supposed to value. The person I'm seeing now has 6 kids, is kind of "rough around the edges" and very blunt like me (which also scares away people, but attracts me because I like directness), and is not what many would describe as handsome (unless they like country rednecks with beards and tattoos). He's not rich or high status. Yet he is kind, easy going and simple, makes me feel valued, asks about my day and what's on my mind, shares the same beliefs and outlook on life as I do, shares the same interests, is consistent and reliable, and works damn hard to make the time to talk to me and see me, despite his busy life. Is this the "highest value" you're talking about?

sarahsweets 12-02-17 05:45 AM

Re: On a dating downer again
 
Pretty is as pretty does. Thats what my grandpa always told me.

Fraser_0762 12-02-17 06:40 AM

Re: On a dating downer again
 
I make the mistake of telling them that I ramble on too much (which I do). I just don't know when to put the phone down and keep them waiting for a while. I always feel the urge to respond back as soon as possible. I think it's just poor impulse control. I'm far too impatient to play the waiting game.


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:39 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) 2003 - 2015 ADD Forums