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-   -   Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal? (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=191181)

psychopathetic 04-12-18 04:06 PM

Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Do you ever feel like people dismiss your struggles and your need for help because you seem so normal?
It's like the outside world sees the good side of you, and you seem SO capable and SO enthusiastic for life. So they view you as a normal, healthy person more than capable of doing what needs doing without any assistance.
They don't see the side of you that struggles. And even after explaining to them your difficulties, they still seem to dismiss you because they just don't see the other side of things.

I'm going through this right now with some professionals I'm working with...and I'm just wondering if anyone else experiences anything like this.

:grouphug:

stef 04-12-18 04:30 PM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
YES, every single day.
And there are a couple of things I can do very well at work so people just think i'm a little spacey or whatever but no, I can't process Voices Giving Instructions and sometimes I can't even see right in front of me, the static in my head is so bad.

midnightstar 04-12-18 04:58 PM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
yes and nobody sees my struggles because nobody wants to see.

Lunacie 04-12-18 06:36 PM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
When we try to explain, others say "But I do that too."

They can't seem to understand the difference between locking your keys in the
car once a year and locking the keys in the car once a month along with your
cell phone and purse/wallet.

The more I've had to rely on walking with canes, using a walker, and using an
electric cart for shopping, the more I see people being kind, rushing to help me.
But the adhd / autism / bipolar / etc. is invisible and no one thinks about what
they can do to help us.

Greyhound1 04-12-18 07:54 PM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
I don’t feel recognition or dismissed. Almost everyone, I meet and work with have their own problems or issues and could care less about mine. I don’t share my struggles with them because most really don’t want to hear it.

I work extra hard to hide my struggles with ADHD at work. In the past it has only gotten me judged and questioned by owner of the company.:rolleyes:

He asked me how it was going to effect my performance at work when he heard I had been diagnosed. I happily told him, I was born with it, had it when he hired me and the whole time I’ve worked there. My performance had never been questioned before and I have an outstanding track record. Treatment has only made it better.;)

The good thing is what I lack in ability, I usually make up for with tenacity at work. I use many props to help me seem normal, proficient and super conscientious. Some are good things like notes everywhere, cheat sheets etc. and some are bad like obsessive thoughts and overly concerned.

I just try my best to fake it and make it though each day.

finallyfound10 04-12-18 09:59 PM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
No, but that is only because nobody knows. Those of you that let people know are far emotionally healthier than I am.

Lunacie 04-12-18 10:27 PM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by finallyfound10 (Post 1991506)
No, but that is only because nobody knows. Those of you that let people know are far emotionally healthier than I am.

Long before I had a diagnosis, long before I even had an idea what the problem is,
I knew there was a problem. But others said I was being whiny, being a baby,
trying to manipulate them.

I tried to explain the struggle, to get someone to see it was real. But without
the diagnosis I was faking or lazy. Or manipulative. The struggle was dismissed.

stef 04-13-18 12:28 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
OMG yes, the "I do that too"... and I of course will only tell people I like and trust ( Ive told a few colleagues), and naturally they are kind and interested, but their reaction is usually the rather puzzled, "everyone does that".

It really is very difficult to explain. the next one i'm going to try is: "you know that feeling you get when you walk into a room and forgot what you went there to get? That is the permanent state of my mind because my brain does not process information correctly".

psychopathetic 04-13-18 12:50 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by stef (Post 1991514)
I of course will only tell people I like and trust ( Ive told a few colleagues)

Yeah, I've become more and more guarded on who I tell anymore. The professionals I'm working with that I mentioned above...are mental health professionals (case managers and therapist).

Quote:

their reaction is usually the rather puzzled, "everyone does that"
Yeah, this is another thing I've been experiencing.
I had to get a new therapist recently (like 6 months ago)...and I kid you not, right after I explained a few things about me and my adhd to her in our first session...she giggled and said "You know? I think I must have a little bit of ADHD too."

lol :doh:
I sure wish I only had a "little bit" of it.


Also I'm in a new therapy group...and I told them about adhd in one of the sessions...but before I began, I made it very clear to them that everyone has these symptoms, but those with adhd have them to such an extreme that they can absolutely be a disability to them, effecting every aspect of their lives over their entire life span. That they don't just have these symptoms once in awhile like everyone else...but they have them frequently, consistently over long stretches of time.

Kaia.S 04-13-18 04:36 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
My friends don't take it very serious, because:

- i've been getting by 'just fine' without the diagnose and treatment, so it's more like a 'luxury' to have it
- they keep on asking me: i do this and that, could i also have adhd?
- some even see taking the medication as a weakness: me being dependant on something and i can feel them thinking 'it's not really necessary'. One of my friends is going through a depression, but she doesn't want to seek professional help because 'she doesn't believe in that'. She thinks a relationship would be her solution, i didn't agree and then she compared me taking medication with her need for a man in her life... au that was painful, and also raising doubt in me: could that be true? If so: i 'm having a good relationship with Concerta, he brings out the best of me ;)

sarahsweets 04-13-18 05:21 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Not dismissed but downplayed or...invalidated sometimes. I do not talk often with anyone about my issues unless I am very close with them or the subject pops up. I try not to because I do not want to be that person who only talks about whats wrong with them-even though I wouldnt mind some ideas or help from other people.

unomie 04-13-18 05:21 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
On the contrary, I told one of my pals I was getting diagnosed next week and he said 'it's about ******* time'

...How did everyone see this but me? and why did no one tell me :/ - being nicknamed 'spaceman' for the past 12 years should've been a hint I guess...

psychopathetic 04-13-18 06:39 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
For what it's worth Kaja, I think you and Concerta make a lovely couple!

:giggle:

(((Kaja)))

Little Nut 04-13-18 09:31 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Hi Psych, I find they do. Most have no perspective for such things. TBH I am "hardwired" to not discuss these type of things except w/ close friends and on an as-needed basis. If I needed to give perspective I would draw talking points from a list of symptoms (for lack of a better word) and examples of real-life impacts. FWIW I think you can see from your post yesterday and the responses that your struggles in this area seem to be pretty common and not fully addressed by all (including me). -LN

Still doing things because you want to do them?

PoppnNSailinMan 04-14-18 02:28 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by psychopathetic (Post 1991482)
Do you ever feel like people dismiss your struggles and your need for help because you seem so normal?

Last year, I had an appointment with a psychiatric nurse practitioner to find out about the possibility of seeing a therapist and after he found out that I had been to college, he told me that I was "too functional" to need to see a therapist.

This was, in my opinion, a ridiculous thing for him to say. Although they might not all want to admit it, almost everyone has some issues that crop up in their life from time to time and could benefit from seeing a therapist. I don't think anyone is "too functional" in this regard.

Then more recently, another professional referred to me as "high-functioning." The first thing that crossed my mind was, if I'm so "high-functioning," why have I struggled so much of my life to do a lot of fairly basic things? And if I'm "high-functioning," would a person who doesn't have ADHD or some other disorder be considered "super-high-functioning"?

I looked this term up and discovered that this is part of the lingo that mental health professionals use, for example, to describe people with Autism, dividing them up into low-, medium- or high-functioning individuals. And even people with depression or Bipolar Disorder or other mental conditions can sometimes be divided into low-functioning and high-functioning individuals.

Compared to someone who has severe ADHD or severe Autism, I agree that I'm probably more functional overall. And on an intellectual level, I might consider myself "high functioning". But when it comes to things like keeping my house clean, making sure I have clean clothes to wear, preparing food for myself and making sure I eat regularly, staying socially connected, making sure my bills get paid, being able to finish things in a timely manner or finish them at all, etc., I'm more towards the "low functioning" end. Most of my life, I've lived with someone, either my parents or a partner, who did a lot of those things for me or reminded me to do them.

So, instead of "high-functioning," maybe "medium-functioning" would have been a more accurate description for me. :)


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