ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community

ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community (http://www.addforums.com/forums/index.php)
-   General ADD Talk (http://www.addforums.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=13)
-   -   I'm just a ghost (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=189854)

Fraser_0762 01-01-18 12:21 AM

I'm just a ghost
 
I always knew it was true. I'm not really alive. I'm just a wondering spirit in this world that people can't perceive.

I went out alone for new year, as the only alternative was to sit in the house alone and do nothing. So I went up town to hit the clubs. They were jam packed with people. But I knew in the back of my mind that despite this, I was still going to feel all alone. Tonight just confirmed it for me. Not one person acknowledged my existence. I looked at people, I smiled, I nodded at them, but only about 1 out of 100 people looked back. The ones that did were very quick to look away.

Is it possible to be so socially awkward that people hate you so much so quickly that they won't even acknowledge that you are there?

Am I better off dead? Because I feel like i'm already at the half way point and nobody can even see me.

ginniebean 01-01-18 01:04 AM

Re: I'm just a ghost
 
Oh sweetie, people are dicks. They are self absorbed, self interested and they don't hate you even if it feels that way. We have all been ghosts in the crowd and it is a wounding isolating feeling You are not alone in this

I wish there was more I could say to give you comfort. A blessed New Year for you.

WhiteOwl 01-01-18 01:09 AM

Re: I'm just a ghost
 
You just went to the wrong clubs, Fraser, that's all. You need to party with your cool ADD friends, we wouldn't ignore you.

But to answer your questions, no. No one hates you and you are not better off dead. But I know what you mean about feeling like a ghost in a room full of people. That's how I always felt. In school, at clubs, etc. I think smiling and nodding is not assertive enough, I guess, so those of us who are shy and awkward doom ourselves to being ignored.

I'm sorry that was your New Years Eve experience. Those people missed out on talking to a great person. I'm sitting at home going through a bottle of wine. Not technically alone, as I have sleeping kids and my mom, but not exactly living it up, either. You don't have any family nearby?

:grouphug:

aeon 01-01-18 01:41 AM

Re: I'm just a ghost
 
Fraser, if I was there we'd go out for a pint (or two) and you'd get to see how I engage and have vignettes and mini-adventures. I'm not the most socially skilled and I'm not the most handsome, but I have fun nonetheless.

A friend of mine who has always been fairly reserved and shy has seen how I do my thing, and it has led to some changes in their engagement style, and with positive results.

It's all selfish, mind you...I just love to see people smile, and I'm really quite shameless about my methods, which is okay, I suppose, because their smile is real, and people I see often have come to know my name, and seem to smile when they see me.

And I'm an ambivert at best, so don't think I'm so outside your reality.

Perhaps by your own measure you are socially awkward. Be careful about confirming your own bias. I've read enough of your posts here to know you're all that and a bag of chips, even if you aren't so sure about that.

There's time for haunting the moors later, you know.


Cheers,
Ian

Ronelh 01-01-18 01:58 AM

Re: I'm just a ghost
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 (Post 1980545)
Is it possible to be so socially awkward that people hate you so much so quickly that they won't even acknowledge that you are there?

Gracious, people canít hate you if they donít even know you and all youíve done is smile at them! Or if they do, they are making too hasty a judgment. But my guess is that no one there hates you. They were just busy with their own things.

No one could be more socially awkward than I was when I started college. I just didnít know how to interact in a group setting, and I got very frustrated with myself sometimes. But no one hated me, it just took me longer to make friends than it takes for most people. And in time, I began to learn better social skills... however awkward you are socially, it is a skill that can be improved with practice. So donít despair.

I donít know if this is true for you, but I learned that one reason people sometimes wouldnít talk to me at parties was because they thought I looked like I was engrossed in my own thoughts and didnít want to be bothered. As I have symptoms of inattentive-type ADHD, yeah, I do get pretty engrossed in my own thoughts, but actually I did want people to talk to me. But sometimes they didnít know it until I made an effort to talk to them first. Then I found out they actually enjoyed my company just fine, after all.

stef 01-01-18 04:32 AM

Re: I'm just a ghost
 
Many years after high school, I learned from an old friend that some people thought I was a snob;
I couldn't even string a sentence together some days, I was so shy and intimidated.

Ronelh 01-01-18 05:44 AM

Re: I'm just a ghost
 
That’s what some people thought of me too, because I would get bored with ordinary small talk but would chatter away happily about the languages I was studying. I had to learn to make more of an effort to show interest in other subjects.

Little Missy 01-01-18 09:17 AM

Re: I'm just a ghost
 
Get you passport and a plane ticket. NO ONE is shy here. Honest.

Fraser_0762 01-01-18 09:28 AM

Re: I'm just a ghost
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Little Missy (Post 1980573)
Get you passport and a plane ticket. NO ONE is shy here. Honest.

I am though. So while everybody else is busy being chatty with everybody else, i'd be completely invisible. Just as I am here.

Little Missy 01-01-18 09:31 AM

Re: I'm just a ghost
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 (Post 1980575)
I am though. So while everybody else is busy being chatty with everybody else, i'd be completely invisible. Just as I am here.

Nope. They crawl all over the new guy.

Barbrady1 01-01-18 10:24 AM

Re: I'm just a ghost
 
I'm terribly sorry this happened to you but aren't you somewhat contradicting yourself?

In a different thread, I believe you stated that you are happy to be alone and do not need friends.

Fraser_0762 01-01-18 10:26 AM

Re: I'm just a ghost
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Barbrady1 (Post 1980581)
I'm terribly sorry this happened to you but aren't you somewhat contradicting yourself?

In a different thread, I believe you stated that you are happy to be alone and do not need friends.

Yep, that's exactly what i'm doing. I have to be happy being alone, because I can't see an alternative.

Barbrady1 01-01-18 10:54 AM

Re: I'm just a ghost
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 (Post 1980582)
Yep, that's exactly what i'm doing. I have to be happy being alone, because I can't see an alternative.

Do you not socialise at the gym at all, Fraser?

I'm thinking about joining one soon but getting back into shape wouldn't be my only aim if I do sign up to be a member with a local gym.

I can understand your difficult in befriending others as most people in their twenties seemingly have an established circle in place.

Perhaps we don't all 'need' friends but it's inevitably going to have an impact on your self-esteem and quality of life if you struggle to relate to other people.

Little Missy 01-01-18 11:19 AM

Re: I'm just a ghost
 
That can't be right because the song says: 'as long as I'm a ghost you can see.'

Fraser_0762 01-01-18 11:32 AM

Re: I'm just a ghost
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Barbrady1 (Post 1980585)
Do you not socialise at the gym at all, Fraser?

I think I scare people at the gym. I'm like a wild tiger when I get the blood flowing and the muscles pumping. The only time anyone makes eye contact is when they look concerned lol.


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:26 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) 2003 - 2015 ADD Forums