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-   -   Mornings are the worst (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=194711)

tudorose 03-20-19 06:46 PM

Mornings are the worst
 
I have to stay a bunch of dragons before I can even leave the house. Today I had to catch a ride to work coz ideation is quite bad. I don't put myself in situations where I can do something stupid and impulsive.

I have an issue to deal with probably the biggest thing I'll ever have to deal with. The helplines don't helplines here. They just refer you to non existent services that never call u back or answer the phone.

So I have a Dr appt in a cpl weeks to get a referral to someone who can help. And i can't even talk about it on here or to anyone coz I can't deal with the shame even though none of what happened to me was my fault. And whilst enough memories are there there are still some not there or at least I can't access them.

It's really isolating. I feel like I can't say anything even normal conversation to anyone without being taken the wrong way. It just sucks

Rebelyell 03-20-19 08:33 PM

Re: Mornings are the worst
 
I'm truly sorry tudorose..I feel like that when I ask a simple question I can't even get a answer half the time w out some one dancing around the bushes.and then I'll be like well screw me that went fantastic why do I even bother anymore..

Lunacie 03-20-19 08:45 PM

Re: Mornings are the worst
 
Back when I was doing weekly group therapy I learned that when we try to
clean up the cobwebs we usually have to deal with a few spiders. If you know
what I mean. :grouphug:

tudorose 03-21-19 12:35 AM

Re: Mornings are the worst
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Rebelyell (Post 2016269)
I'm truly sorry tudorose..I feel like that when I ask a simple question I can't even get a answer half the time w out some one dancing around the bushes.and then I'll be like well screw me that went fantastic why do I even bother anymore..

Yeah it's hard hey. And yeah start wondering why bother. Dancing around the bushes is a good way of putting the way people get. It's almost like they get a kick out of withholding information.

tudorose 03-21-19 12:38 AM

Re: Mornings are the worst
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Lunacie (Post 2016272)
Back when I was doing weekly group therapy I learned that when we try to
clean up the cobwebs we usually have to deal with a few spiders. If you know
what I mean. :grouphug:

Yeah there's so much to deal with it's really hard pretending to be okay when I'm not. And having admitted to myself what happened all I can hear is their voices in my head abusing me and saying I'm making it up.

There's some pretty big spiders in there :(

Rebelyell 03-21-19 10:31 AM

Re: Mornings are the worst
 
Gets the big back pack leaf blower out n blows all the spiders out of the garage tudoroses head n midnights head too..ya can thank me later when the dust settles lol

Lunacie 03-21-19 01:25 PM

Re: Mornings are the worst
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by tudorose (Post 2016287)
Yeah there's so much to deal with it's really hard pretending to be okay when I'm not. And having admitted to myself what happened all I can hear is their voices in my head abusing me and saying I'm making it up.

There's some pretty big spiders in there :(

You have several people denying hurting you? Ugh, that sucks big time. :(

It took me awhile to get up the nerve to contact my person (just one)
but when I did he admitted what he had done.
He had no sympathy for what I was feeling.
He was too busy feeling sorry for himself,
said he would carry his guilt to the grave.
Okay, if that's the way he wants it, that's on him.
I forgave him and moved on.

tudorose 03-22-19 12:32 AM

Re: Mornings are the worst
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Rebelyell (Post 2016310)
Gets the big back pack leaf blower out n blows all the spiders out of the garage tudoroses head n midnights head too..ya can thank me later when the dust settles lol

Lol that's why I keep going to the beach. Trying to wash it all away

tudorose 03-22-19 12:36 AM

Re: Mornings are the worst
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Lunacie (Post 2016317)
You have several people denying hurting you? Ugh, that sucks big time. :(

It took me awhile to get up the nerve to contact my person (just one)
but when I did he admitted what he had done.
He had no sympathy for what I was feeling.
He was too busy feeling sorry for himself,
said he would carry his guilt to the grave.
Okay, if that's the way he wants it, that's on him.
I forgave him and moved on.

I know they will never admit it. I have proof of their outright lies but they are so good at gaslighting that sometimes they have you doubting actual facts- facts for which there is evidence...

They'll never admit and never say sorry. I need to extract their voices from my head.

midnightstar 03-22-19 07:22 AM

Re: Mornings are the worst
 
Just dropping off some hugs for you, tudorose, if they'll help, you never deserved what they did :grouphug:

Rebelyell 03-22-19 10:42 AM

Re: Mornings are the worst
 
If only it was ever that easy to get rid of all the problems people have screwed us up with n shelved on us.i enjoy the beach myself it's a great sense of peacefulness serenity n calmness for me..love the smells and the eye candy don't hurt either wink wink nudge nudge

Lunacie 03-22-19 11:22 AM

Re: Mornings are the worst
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by tudorose (Post 2016344)
I know they will never admit it. I have proof of their outright lies but they are so good at gaslighting that sometimes they have you doubting actual facts- facts for which there is evidence...

They'll never admit and never say sorry. I need to extract their voices from my head.

Cognitive Behaviorial Therapy (CBT) helped me extract the voices from my head.

Greyhound1 03-22-19 06:01 PM

Re: Mornings are the worst
 
At times, I feel like a lobotomy couldn’t even rid my head of negative thoughts or voices. Ruminating over them really, really sucks.

Mornings seem to be particularly bad. I almost always wake up in the morning with thoughts of lost friendships that really hurt by someone who has wronged me in the past.

tudorose 03-22-19 06:16 PM

Re: Mornings are the worst
 
I just want to wake up without feeling like the world is about to come to an end and not have to fight through all those feelings before I can leave the house.

Will look at CBT Lunacie thx for the tip.

I want to let it go and I want to not feel like crap but I I'm stuck and can't work out how.

Lunacie 03-22-19 06:19 PM

Re: Mornings are the worst
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by tudorose (Post 2016358)
I just want to wake up without feeling like the world is about to come to an end and not have to fight through all those feelings before I can leave the house.

Will look at CBT Lunacie thx for the tip.

I want to let it go and I want to not feel like crap but I I'm stuck and can't work out how.

It helped me see that not all the voices were evil (past) and weren't talking to
me some of the time.


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