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-   -   Speaking (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=193710)

lisariver 10-19-18 11:04 AM

Speaking
 
I joined 2 f2f groups with a hope to learn how to talk publicly, in a group...and so far I've only been able to do it in a really tiny group of 5 but in the other group of 20 or more, we read, and then people comment and I just feel blank, and I know my ACA traits of "guessing at what is normal" don't help but I would really like to be able to make some sort of vocal, encouraging, comment that shows I understood what I read. Writing comes so much easier...because I can go back and edit through the stream of impulsivity, lol, whatever it is.

Can anybody relate to any of this? Struggling to speak, think clearly, in groups? Does writing come easier?

mildadhd 10-19-18 03:57 PM

Re: Speaking
 
Ummmm, like, umm, a for...

I have decided it is better not to.

I mean unless it is already there.

Without trying...best not to think about it... Let me get back to you.

(Writing editing writing editing is better)


Edit: I think it is great that you are working on this subject.

I think it would be good for me to do the same.

Thanks






M

lisariver 10-19-18 06:18 PM

Re: Speaking
 
Hahaha, thanks:D

I see progress with my small group but none with the big group. I mean, I'm not sitting there thinking I have this thing I could say, if only I have the nerve.

But if I did come up with something to say, saying it would definitely be a huge hurdle.


Quote:

Originally Posted by mildadhd (Post 2009012)
Ummmm, like, umm, a for...

I have decided it is better not to.

I mean unless it is already there.

Without trying...best not to think about it... Let me get back to you.

(Writing editing writing editing is better)


Edit: I think it is great that you are working on this subject.

I think it would be good for me to do the same.

Thanks






M


psychopathetic 10-20-18 03:25 AM

Re: Speaking
 
Yeah, it's a LOT easier for me to find the words I'm looking for when I type them up instead of trying to speak them.

I use to stutter a lot when I was in high school. That's when my social anxieties and self esteem issues were at the lowest they've been in my life and I was constantly scared I was going to say something stupid.
I still stutter once in awhile...it's frustrating and embarrassing and I'm very self-conscious about it.

Another thing that happens to me quite a bit...is my mind will start racing and I'll get all these ideas in my head and they'll make perfect sense to me in my mind...so I'll start talking trying to find the words so others can understand...only my mind is racing so much that things get all jumbled lol...and I lose track of what I was thinking and it stops making sense and I can't come up with words that make sense...so I end up fumbling around trying hard to get my point across...only I'm pretty much just talking complete nonsense and no one understand and I look like a complete idiot who doesn't know a damn thing about what he's talking about. >.<'

That gets old!

...
I guess it just depends on where my self-esteem and confidence are at the time. I use to have horrible social anxiety and super poor self esteem and there's no way I could speak to a crowd.
But it's not nearly as much of an issue for me because a TON of my social anxieties have cleared up, and my self esteem is a lot better.

I do have plenty of down days though still

lisariver 10-20-18 08:47 AM

Re: Speaking
 
I just love the inspiration in the movie, The King's Speech, you made me think of that.

My words can definitely resemble a traffic jam, I've had people make fun of my "word salad"
the worst thing that ever happened around this was when my 8th grade teacher read something i wrote aloud to the class and made it sound like it was the dumbest thing ever written, I may have messed up the punctuation, i tend to struggle with that but I think if he chose to, he could have made it sound okay. I cried, I was so embarrassed, it didn't sound that way in my head. I'm not the best writer, but it's better than standing mute, as i often feel. I used to say my mother tongue was sign language (even though I'm just a beginner in it), I really love it.

Thanks, Psych :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by psychopathetic (Post 2009034)
Yeah, it's a LOT easier for me to find the words I'm looking for when I type them up instead of trying to speak them.

I use to stutter a lot when I was in high school. That's when my social anxieties and self esteem issues were at the lowest they've been in my life and I was constantly scared I was going to say something stupid.
I still stutter once in awhile...it's frustrating and embarrassing and I'm very self-conscious about it.

Another thing that happens to me quite a bit...is my mind will start racing and I'll get all these ideas in my head and they'll make perfect sense to me in my mind...so I'll start talking trying to find the words so others can understand...only my mind is racing so much that things get all jumbled lol...and I lose track of what I was thinking and it stops making sense and I can't come up with words that make sense...so I end up fumbling around trying hard to get my point across...only I'm pretty much just talking complete nonsense and no one understand and I look like a complete idiot who doesn't know a damn thing about what he's talking about. >.<'

That gets old!

...
I guess it just depends on where my self-esteem and confidence are at the time. I use to have horrible social anxiety and super poor self esteem and there's no way I could speak to a crowd.
But it's not nearly as much of an issue for me because a TON of my social anxieties have cleared up, and my self esteem is a lot better.

I do have plenty of down days though still


psychopathetic 10-20-18 08:57 AM

Re: Speaking
 
Omg what a horrible thing to do as a teacher :(

(((LI-LIs)))

acdc01 10-20-18 04:04 PM

Re: Speaking
 
I have the same thing in where the bigger the group gets, the harder it is for me.

For me, it's because I can't handle too much external stimulus and the more people there are, the more easily I get distracted by all the paper rustling, movement, background conversations, etc.

So I can do well in small group settings but can really bomb with larger groups. Preparation is what helps me the most. Having an outline and/or bullet points of things I want to talk about. Questions that I want to ask. This helped a lot at work.

In social gatherings, I have prepared in advance topics I want to shift conversations towards and have already planned some stories to say within those topics sometimes. I also have prepared different ways to shift people to those topics without them realizing I was trying to shift them.

That said, the preparing in advance helps me with group sizes up to about 20 people. Past that (like at the meetup group I went to recently with 60 people), I still can't think straight and can't hear people well or am slow to process what they were saying.

lisariver 10-20-18 07:46 PM

Re: Speaking
 
Yes, I can relate. I get so very distracted by all the people, movement. I usually have a difficult time zeroing in on the topic. If I could prepare that might help but what I notice with others is they seem to be pretty smooth spontaneous vollyers of conversation, commentary, that just amazes and frustrates me. I'm very slow to process and also find it difficult to think straight, it seems like my emotions/fear stops me in my tracks too.
That's a good idea to prepare stories in advance, I think I would still mess it up though.
Thanks :)
Quote:

Originally Posted by acdc01 (Post 2009063)
I have the same thing in where the bigger the group gets, the harder it is for me.

For me, it's because I can't handle too much external stimulus and the more people there are, the more easily I get distracted by all the paper rustling, movement, background conversations, etc
So I can do well in small group settings but can really bomb with larger groups. Preparation is what helps me the most. Having an outline and/or bullet points of things I want to talk about. Questions that I want to ask. This helped a lot at work.

In social gatherings, I have prepared in advance topics I want to shift conversations towards and have already planned some stories to say within those topics sometimes. I also have prepared different ways to shift people to those topics without them realizing I was trying to shift them.

That said, the preparing in advance helps me with group sizes up to about 20 people. Past that (like at the meetup group I went to recently with 60 people), I still can't think straight and can't hear people well or am slow to process what they were saying.


acdc01 10-21-18 11:42 AM

Re: Speaking
 
Out of curiousity, do you need to be able to speak in big groups for your work or something?

I think it's great you are trying to improve but if you don't improve as much as you hope, I don't really think it's a big deal not to be able to. It doesn't really matter if others can speak better than you, I'm sure you are better at other things than them as well.

lisariver 10-21-18 06:22 PM

Re: Speaking
 
No, it's just a part of my self-love program.
I agree, I don't know that I will ever be able to get my thoughts together under such circumstances, and yea, if I can't then, so be it, I'm no less of a human being. Thanks :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by acdc01 (Post 2009108)
Out of curiousity, do you need to be able to speak in big groups for your work or something?

I think it's great you are trying to improve but if you don't improve as much as you hope, I don't really think it's a big deal not to be able to. It doesn't really matter if others can speak better than you, I'm sure you are better at other things than them as well.


Vrantic 10-22-18 04:03 AM

Re: Speaking
 
You need to differ one thing, there are two different situations:

- You have to speak from a script you have prepared
- You have to speak from the getgo and/or be asked to answer upcoming questions


The first situation you can prepare yourself, thats what helped me. It can be a moderation card with some notes on it, or other things, there are many strategies to this. To this, often comes with some kind of anxiety. It helped me a lot to imagine myself standing there in front and speaking to the crowd. And if you can start right out as first volunteer to do so because if you wait your anxiety begin to rise.


For the latter its a little bit more difficult. Im always nervous too when it comes down to this unprepared form of speaking. Im getting nervous and misspeaking often, loosing my "handrail", or forgetting what i wanted to tell. The only thing here was positive thinking what helped me. Think at some sort of battle, or very striking, think of a soldier waiting for this door to open and infront is war. There is no room for anxiety or second thoughts, its just do or die. This mindset can really help in BOTH situations to boost your self confidence real high and can help you stand above anxiety.


Hopefully some of my words could help you or maybe others with the same issues. It was very helpful for me tough.

lisariver 10-22-18 08:05 AM

Re: Speaking
 
Lots of good advice there, thank you.


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