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-   -   Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal? (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=191181)

daveddd 04-14-18 03:41 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by PoppnNSailinMan (Post 1991615)
Last year, I had an appointment with a psychiatric nurse practitioner to find out about the possibility of seeing a therapist and after he found out that I had been to college, he told me that I was "too functional" to need to see a therapist.

This was, in my opinion, a ridiculous thing for him to say. Although they might not all want to admit it, almost everyone has some issues that crop up in their life from time to time and could benefit from seeing a therapist. I don't think anyone is "too functional" in this regard.

Then more recently, another professional referred to me as "high-functioning." The first thing that crossed my mind was, if I'm so "high-functioning," why have I struggled so much of my life to do a lot of fairly basic things? And if I'm "high-functioning," would a person who doesn't have ADHD or some other disorder be considered "super-high-functioning"?

I looked this term up and discovered that this is part of the lingo that mental health professionals use, for example, to describe people with Autism, dividing them up into low-, medium- or high-functioning individuals. And even people with depression or Bipolar Disorder or other mental conditions can sometimes be divided into low-functioning and high-functioning individuals.

Compared to someone who has severe ADHD or severe Autism, I agree that I'm probably more functional overall. And on an intellectual level, I might consider myself "high functioning". But when it comes to things like keeping my house clean, making sure I have clean clothes to wear, preparing food for myself and making sure I eat regularly, staying socially connected, making sure my bills get paid, being able to finish things in a timely manner or finish them at all, etc., I'm more towards the "low functioning" end. Most of my life, I've lived with someone, either my parents or a partner, who did a lot of those things for me or reminded me to do them.

So, instead of "high-functioning," maybe "medium-functioning" would have been a more accurate description for me. :)

sadly mental health is going more and more towards the DSM type of outward difficulties in life and ignoring internal feelings which are far more important

so often i hear after a suicide

but he had a good job, was married and got good grades in school

the mental health system is severely flawed as your therapist made apparent

daveddd 04-14-18 03:47 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
to the original post

yes, i might be viewed as an ideal upper middle class citizen\

emotionally healthy, because i see me "complaining " about my emotions or problems to others as a disgusting burden

i refuse to fail at anything because of the emotional toll it would take on me


but really, I'm empty , unfulfilled . i feel like a fraud and a failure and see life as just wasting time till i die

no one would get that though, cause I'm so normal

Lunacie 04-14-18 09:57 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by PoppnNSailinMan (Post 1991615)
Last year, I had an appointment with a psychiatric nurse practitioner to find out about the possibility of seeing a therapist and after he found out that I had been to college, he told me that I was "too functional" to need to see a therapist.

This was, in my opinion, a ridiculous thing for him to say. Although they might not all want to admit it, almost everyone has some issues that crop up in their life from time to time and could benefit from seeing a therapist. I don't think anyone is "too functional" in this regard.

Then more recently, another professional referred to me as "high-functioning." The first thing that crossed my mind was, if I'm so "high-functioning," why have I struggled so much of my life to do a lot of fairly basic things? And if I'm "high-functioning," would a person who doesn't have ADHD or some other disorder be considered "super-high-functioning"?

I looked this term up and discovered that this is part of the lingo that mental health professionals use, for example, to describe people with Autism, dividing them up into low-, medium- or high-functioning individuals. And even people with depression or Bipolar Disorder or other mental conditions can sometimes be divided into low-functioning and high-functioning individuals.

Compared to someone who has severe ADHD or severe Autism, I agree that I'm probably more functional overall. And on an intellectual level, I might consider myself "high functioning". But when it comes to things like keeping my house clean, making sure I have clean clothes to wear, preparing food for myself and making sure I eat regularly, staying socially connected, making sure my bills get paid, being able to finish things in a timely manner or finish them at all, etc., I'm more towards the "low functioning" end. Most of my life, I've lived with someone, either my parents or a partner, who did a lot of those things for me or reminded me to do them.

So, instead of "high-functioning," maybe "medium-functioning" would have been a more accurate description for me. :)

With the right support, a medium functioning person with autism or adhd can
often make it through college (university). Without that support, not so much.

With the right support, a medium functioning person with autism or adhd can
manage daily life: clean house, pay bills. Without that support. not so much.

Too many mental health professionals and plain old doctors and nurses don't
take that into account. They just go "Hey, you seem pretty smart. What do
you have to complain about?"

All my life I've met the attitude that i'm plenty smart so I should be able to
manage anything. There's more to managing than IQ points though.

daveddd 04-14-18 08:05 PM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Lunacie (Post 1991647)
With the right support, a medium functioning person with autism or adhd can
often make it through college (university). Without that support, not so much.

With the right support, a medium functioning person with autism or adhd can
manage daily life: clean house, pay bills. Without that support. not so much.

Too many mental health professionals and plain old doctors and nurses don't
take that into account. They just go "Hey, you seem pretty smart. What do
you have to complain about?"

All my life I've met the attitude that i'm plenty smart so I should be able to
manage anything. There's more to managing than IQ points though.

ive had this issue as well, all though i dont think im smart at all, a little dumb actually. but my high school counselor used to use my IQ to shame my average school performance. I was constantly told i wasnt trying or working to potential

there is still the huge incorrect belief that ADHD is some king of learning disability or problem with intelligence, it isnt, not at all

research has show emotional intelligence is a higher predictor of success then IQ

And ADHD is pretty much a disorder of emotional intelligence

emotional intelligence meaning

ability to identify, symbolize and verbalize emotion

use techniques to regulate your emotions

use emotions as a guide to set goals for the future and reflect on the past and learn from it

Lunacie 04-14-18 08:27 PM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by daveddd (Post 1991686)
ive had this issue as well, all though i dont think im smart at all, a little dumb actually. but my high school counselor used to use my IQ to shame my average school performance. I was constantly told i wasnt trying or working to potential

there is still the huge incorrect belief that ADHD is some king of learning disability or problem with intelligence, it isnt, not at all

research has show emotional intelligence is a higher predictor of success then IQ

And ADHD is pretty much a disorder of emotional intelligence

emotional intelligence meaning

ability to identify, symbolize and verbalize emotion

use techniques to regulate your emotions

use emotions as a guide to set goals for the future and reflect on the past and learn from it

When I can't remember something I knew perfectly well yesterday, I get all
emotional 'cause I'm so frustrated. I know I the thing. The other person is
pretty sure I know the thing. I just can't remember the thing. Doesn't have
anything to do with how hard I'm trying. :umm1:

daveddd 04-14-18 08:58 PM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Lunacie (Post 1991694)
When I can't remember something I knew perfectly well yesterday, I get all
emotional 'cause I'm so frustrated. I know I the thing. The other person is
pretty sure I know the thing. I just can't remember the thing. Doesn't have
anything to do with how hard I'm trying. :umm1:

Just gotta apply yourself ;)

psychopathetic 04-14-18 09:05 PM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by daveddd (Post 1991702)
Just gotta apply yourself ;)

Absolutely! You just gotta try a little harder. You'll be fine!


:doh:

Lunacie 04-14-18 09:11 PM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by daveddd (Post 1991702)
Just gotta apply yourself ;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by psychopathetic (Post 1991703)
Absolutely! You just gotta try a little harder. You'll be fine!


:doh:

Ugly memories! Makes me want to go on a rampage and pull out my hair.
And pull out their hair. Pull out EVERYONE's hair!!! :p

Why can't they see how hard we ARE trying? :doh:

psychopathetic 04-14-18 11:11 PM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
(((((((Lun Luns)))))))

......

I'm dealing with an overbearing "case manager" (the guy I vented to you about earlier this week) who's putting a lot of pressure on me...and he has this whole attitude that I'm "self victimizing" (his term) and he keeps telling me that he sees that I can do things and that I'm capable...so why do I keep stopping myself.
Like I'm meaning to do it?
He also seems reluctant to give me the full help I could get from him and a program I'm in because I think he thinks I'm pretty much normal.

It is frustrating though and not entirely his fault...
Cause damn it...when I'm out in the public and around him...I am pretty much normal. /facepalm. I'm goofy and intelligent and look fine and act well. I don't have any speech impediments, nothing physically wrong with me (except for being heavy set). And when I'm doing good mentally, and am around people I'm at least half way comfortable with...I can usually do pretty well holding conversations and doing small talk (have always had trouble with small talk).

And...I also have a hard time asking for help too. I just don't like doing it.
But with my parents now gone, I've gotta start asking for more help.

So in his defense, he only sees me when I'm strong. He's never seen me when I'm really struggling.

He is one of the people running a group I'm in though, and I have discussed at length some of the biggest struggles I go through to him and the group...I just don't think it's sunk in on him. He doesn't get it.

...
I did bring this up to him the other day (in group). That I feel like some people don't take me and my disorder serious or realize how much help I could really use, because they don't realize how much I truly struggle everyday. He didn't say anything. Just wrote some notes.
I think he think's it's a bunch of bs. /frustrated

peripatetic 04-14-18 11:24 PM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
this might be a weird thing to say, but i suppose here's where i'm at an "advantage" for having a harsh mental illness in addition to adhd. people don't really question whether i'm unwell when i'm unwell. i do, but others don't. i do feel dismissed sometimes, but not because i seem too normal...

daveddd 04-15-18 12:00 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by peripatetic (Post 1991716)
this might be a weird thing to say, but i suppose here's where i'm at an "advantage" for having a harsh mental illness in addition to adhd. people don't really question whether i'm unwell when i'm unwell. i do, but others don't. i do feel dismissed sometimes, but not because i seem too normal...

this is an interesting point

it made me reflect more on my bipolar one

"eople don't really question whether i'm unwell when i'm unwell. i do, but others don't."

oddly its the opposite for me

when I'm manic I'm just a "{spaz" or a goofball and the extreme dramatic rapid movement, speech, work, etc is possibly looked at as goofing around? IDK its hard for me to know what others think of me....even here

the depression , even the deepest is completely contained within and/or covered with beer and drugs

I'm so self conscious and socially anxious i would be devastated for others to see me as "weak" (depressed, even though its a majority of my life)

so i dare not speak of it or let anyone see it on me (so i think )

its almost like i can turn into a robot , just completely dissociate and live on autopilot


PS.. still waiting on that phone call;)

daveddd 04-15-18 12:00 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by daveddd (Post 1991719)
this is an interesting point

it made me reflect more on my bipolar one

"eople don't really question whether i'm unwell when i'm unwell. i do, but others don't."

oddly its the opposite for me

when I'm manic I'm just a "{spaz" or a goofball and the extreme dramatic rapid movement, speech, work, etc is possibly looked at as goofing around? IDK its hard for me to know what others think of me....even here

the depression , even the deepest is completely contained within and/or covered with beer and drugs

I'm so self conscious and socially anxious i would be devastated for others to see me as "weak" (depressed, even though its a majority of my life)

so i dare not speak of it or let anyone see it on me (so i think )

its almost like i can turn into a robot , just completely dissociate and live on autopilot


PS.. still waiting on that phone call;)

and you should be my therapist, your one of very few people ever who is able to someone reach my true self

peripatetic 04-15-18 12:12 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by daveddd (Post 1991719)
when I'm manic I'm just a "{spaz" or a goofball and the extreme dramatic rapid movement, speech, work, etc is possibly looked at as goofing around? IDK its hard for me to know what others think of me....even here

the depression , even the deepest is completely contained within and/or covered with beer and drugs

I'm so self conscious and socially anxious i would be devastated for others to see me as "weak" (depressed, even though its a majority of my life)

so i dare not speak of it or let anyone see it on me (so i think )

its almost like i can turn into a robot , just completely dissociate and live on autopilot


PS.. still waiting on that phone call;)

hey there!

i can't find it in me to ring tonight, but maybe tomorrow!

i don't feel it's proper for me to tell you what i think of you on here because we have talked and i'm happy to tell you when we next talk, but i will say i have some really solid memories from a time when i have few memories of anything and think only good things and see sincere struggling.

the person whose mania i'm most familiar with was esh's. and he was pretty unhinged when he was manic. but i see how it could also be perceived as cockiness, arrogance, hypersexual, "on drugs", or something. and not seen as bipolar. or bipolar with psychotic features/schizoaffective disorder in his.

as for me, i think the whole hearing voices thing does me in. as does the actions i take. but also just the way i talk and what i talk about... i'm pretty heavily medicated at the moment and thus "lucid" in a certain sense and it's ... i can see that i've really done some ****** up ****. i mean, you would know about at least a couple of things ; )

daveddd 04-15-18 12:15 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by peripatetic (Post 1991721)
hey there!

i can't find it in me to ring tonight, but maybe tomorrow!

i don't feel it's proper for me to tell you what i think of you on here because we have talked and i'm happy to tell you when we next talk, but i will say i have some really solid memories from a time when i have few memories of anything and think only good things and see sincere struggling.

the person whose mania i'm most familiar with was esh's. and he was pretty unhinged when he was manic. but i see how it could also be perceived as cockiness, arrogance, hypersexual, "on drugs", or something. and not seen as bipolar. or bipolar with psychotic features/schizoaffective disorder in his.

as for me, i think the whole hearing voices thing does me in. as does the actions i take. but also just the way i talk and what i talk about... i'm pretty heavily medicated at the moment and thus "lucid" in a certain sense and it's ... i can see that i've really done some ****** up ****. i mean, you would know about at least a couple of things ; )

:):)

i remember literally a 4 hour phone conversion with you

made more sense than anything ever (in no way is this invalidating your struggles)we were listening to pearl jam and chain smoking:)

ps, wasnt looking for anyone to describe what they think of me, just mentioning an impairment in the area

psychopathetic 04-15-18 12:22 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
(((((((Peri))))))) & (((((((Dave)))))))

You guys are awesome <3


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