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-   -   Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal? (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=191181)

Lunacie 04-15-18 12:22 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by psychopathetic (Post 1991712)
(((((((Lun Luns)))))))

......

I'm dealing with an overbearing "case manager" (the guy I vented to you about earlier this week) who's putting a lot of pressure on me...and he has this whole attitude that I'm "self victimizing" (his term) and he keeps telling me that he sees that I can do things and that I'm capable...so why do I keep stopping myself.
Like I'm meaning to do it?
He also seems reluctant to give me the full help I could get from him and a program I'm in because I think he thinks I'm pretty much normal.

It is frustrating though and not entirely his fault...
Cause damn it...when I'm out in the public and around him...I am pretty much normal. /facepalm. I'm goofy and intelligent and look fine and act well. I don't have any speech impediments, nothing physically wrong with me (except for being heavy set). And when I'm doing good mentally, and am around people I'm at least half way comfortable with...I can usually do pretty well holding conversations and doing small talk (have always had trouble with small talk).

And...I also have a hard time asking for help too. I just don't like doing it.
But with my parents now gone, I've gotta start asking for more help.

So in his defense, he only sees me when I'm strong. He's never seen me when I'm really struggling.

He is one of the people running a group I'm in though, and I have discussed at length some of the biggest struggles I go through to him and the group...I just don't think it's sunk in on him. He doesn't get it.

...
I did bring this up to him the other day (in group). That I feel like some people don't take me and my disorder serious or realize how much help I could really use, because they don't realize how much I truly struggle everyday. He didn't say anything. Just wrote some notes.
I think he think's it's a bunch of bs. /frustrated

I am truly thankful that I don't have to deal with people who don't get it . . .
and aren't willing to try to understand. Aren't willing to walk in my shoes.

How can someone who doesn't even try to understand why adhd is considered
a disorder possibly help you? Maybe he doesn't know enough to help anyone
in that group. Wonder how he got the job?

peripatetic 04-15-18 12:25 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
i think that might be the last thing i remember before i began those treatments! it's incredible i remember anything, i sometimes think. you know the commands came back this last time anyway. that's what the treatment was intended to disrupt. so i might be ******. i don't really know yet. but i did spend 5+ weeks inpatient and did IOP and so forth. i feel like everything is very tentative in my life right now even though i'm living like it's not this potential monster hiding around the corner if i discontinue again.

daveddd 04-15-18 12:27 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by peripatetic (Post 1991726)
i think that might be the last thing i remember before i began those treatments! it's incredible i remember anything, i sometimes think. you know the commands came back this last time anyway. that's what the treatment was intended to disrupt. so i might be ******. i don't really know yet. but i did spend 5+ weeks inpatient and did IOP and so forth. i feel like everything is very tentative in my life right now even though i'm living like it's not this potential monster hiding around the corner if i discontinue again.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

psychopathetic 04-15-18 12:34 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Lunacie (Post 1991725)
Wonder how he got the job?

ha! me too!! :doh:
I'd switch to a new case manager if we had one.
He's snips at me a lot, I feel a lot of frustration and even anger around him, he acts like I'm a child and just need to pull my breeches up and get moving.
You know?
He reminds me a lot of my dad. :(
lol he keeps getting on my case too cause sometimes I'll make suggestions on things we can do in group, and he gets all huffy and puffy and he's like "I have a degree in this and if you want to run group then you can go get your own degree and run your own group!" ...I'm not joking! haha >.<'

But I have to deal with it for now! I'd be lost without him and the group /sigh. He provides me with rides (not just to group but to the store and such)...and will hopefully some day help me fix my car. He might be able to help me get some new clothes too as I start working towards employment.

I miss my mom man. She was the only "manager" I really needed in my life heh.

peripatetic 04-15-18 12:36 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by psychopathetic (Post 1991728)
"I have a degree in this and if you want to run group then you can go get your own degree and run your own group!" ...I'm not joking! haha >.<'

a group facilitator, a mental health professional, actually said this to you straight out in front of the group?

**** that noise. i would totally tell him to **** off. trying to humiliate me in front of the whole group? you deserve better. x

daveddd 04-15-18 12:43 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by psychopathetic (Post 1991728)
ha! me too!! :doh:
I'd switch to a new case manager if we had one.
He's snips at me a lot, I feel a lot of frustration and even anger around him, he acts like I'm a child and just need to pull my breeches up and get moving.
You know?
He reminds me a lot of my dad. :(
lol he keeps getting on my case too cause sometimes I'll make suggestions on things we can do in group, and he gets all huffy and puffy and he's like "I have a degree in this and if you want to run group then you can go get your own degree and run your own group!" ...I'm not joking! haha >.<'

But I have to deal with it for now! I'd be lost without him and the group /sigh. He provides me with rides (not just to group but to the store and such)...and will hopefully some day help me fix my car. He might be able to help me get some new clothes too as I start working towards employment.

I miss my mom man. She was the only "manager" I really needed in my life heh.

yikes, coincidentally Im reading a book i just bought on another tab by peter fonagy

treatable and untreatable

it talks about amenability to treatment and the most important factors that contribute to it

one is the patient and doc like each other and get along well:doh:

psychopathetic 04-15-18 12:49 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by peripatetic (Post 1991729)
a group facilitator, a mental health professional, actually said this to you straight out in front of the group?

**** that noise. i would totally tell him to **** off. trying to humiliate me in front of the whole group? you deserve better. x

Oh I did. We got into a heated discussion on that.

I brought in a guided meditation the group wanted to try out. He didn't want to do it because he was afraid it'd put everyone to sleep...so he wanted to do it towards the end of the group.
But I suggested we do it at the beginning because if we wait till the end, we'd forget it and wouldn't have enough time to do it.
He didn't like me arguing with him...it's his way or the highway...so he snipped at me about it and threw the degree thing in my face.

There was another time that he threw his degree in my face...it's when he interrupted one of the ladies in group and started to tell her about a way to work on an issue she was talking about (before he interrupted her). I told him I thought it was rude of him that he interrupted like that, and that I thought his suggestions really had very little to do with what she was even talking about and how I didn't think it was very helpful. lol he wasn't happy, I'll tell you that...and yeah, he threw at me that he's got a degree and knows what he's talking about and how I REALLY need to go take some classes of my onw. :doh:

daveddd 04-15-18 01:55 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
i have evening appointments so my therapist is usally finishing food when i get in

she then belches often throughout the session

with her mouth closed, but its still kinda disturbing:lol:

Kunga Dorji 04-15-18 02:57 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
The unknown unknown in this equation is that often those who can't see your struggles, also can not see their own.

In the end we can't make anyone see anything. All we can do is choose to spend more time with the insightful, and less time with the judgmental.

They have made their choices. Let them go in peace- and offer to pay for an Uber.

Kunga Dorji 04-15-18 03:00 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by daveddd (Post 1991730)
yikes, coincidentally Im reading a book i just bought on another tab by peter fonagy

treatable and untreatable

it talks about amenability to treatment and the most important factors that contribute to it

one is the patient and doc like each other and get along well:doh:

That is important. I can't imagine spending any time with a doctor who I did not like.

peripatetic 04-15-18 10:47 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Kunga Dorji (Post 1991737)
That is important. I can't imagine spending any time with a doctor who I did not like.

i've had several inpatient i didn't care for...psychiatrists working overnight ER seem particularly dismissive ...

but for my outpatient people, i completely agree. i like my psychiatrist--have seen him for years and years--and my current therapists, especially my private therapist. if i didn't respect them...i don't have to super like as a person, but i have to respect their expertise first and foremost to care what they say...and then being able to have a positive rapport is crucial for me.

i think it's possibly because i have periods of anosognosia/lacking insight and it would be really easy...has been really easy...for me to brush off anyone i haven't already established as worthwhile when i'm unwell.

Lunacie 04-15-18 01:24 PM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Kunga Dorji (Post 1991736)
The unknown unknown in this equation is that often those who can't see your struggles, also can not see their own.

In the end we can't make anyone see anything. All we can do is choose to spend more time with the insightful, and less time with the judgmental.

They have made their choices. Let them go in peace- and offer to pay for an Uber.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kunga Dorji (Post 1991737)
That is important. I can't imagine spending any time with a doctor who I did not like.

Those who live in small towns may not have any options in who they see for
medical and mental health. Insurance may limit who you can see as well.

I finally got health insurance 2 years ago and began seeing a nice doctor in the
clinic down the street. I like him well enough, but I don't have any respect for
him. He didn't really ask me about my migraines and back pain, just suggested
pain pills.

When he was out of the office and I was stuck with seeing the PA I liked her too,
AND she listened to me. She sent me for an xray of my back. She asked if I
wanted an MRI of my head. She listened to when the pain had started and how
long I've had it. I do respect her, and I like her.

peripatetic 04-15-18 01:50 PM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Lunacie (Post 1991768)
Those who live in small towns may not have any options in who they see for
medical and mental health. Insurance may limit who you can see as well.

this is a really good point. i live in a city with several hospitals (though i tend to end up in one of three) and LOTS of practitioners. my insurance is through my husband's work and i've been able to maintain my psychiatrist and outpatient therapist.

psychopathetic 04-15-18 02:34 PM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
I live in a small town. There's only 1 main place to get therapy...though they do have several therapists to choose from.
We don't have any psychiatrists (the people who can prescribe meds) in my town...so you've either gotta travel (the closest town with them is only 30 miles away)...or you can do it through web cams at the therapy facility in town.

I don't have a whole lot of options. I do choose to travel the 30 miles to see my pill person though, because...jeeze...she's freaking AMAZING! About the most understanding person I've ever met in my life! She doesn't question a bit of what I tell her. I feel ZERO judgment from her. It helps that her adult daughter had ADHD...so she just gets it and my struggles.

madmax988 04-16-18 01:23 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
oh yes,all the time,throughout. Even including general physicians in many cases. This is why I share my symptoms with very select few. There have been those who flatly refuse to accept the veracity of symptoms even. Here's the list of what they had to say over the years
1) everything's fine with him except.....(symptoms) all he needs is focus on that, and then all's well
2) you're just lazy and these are all mind's unique ways to justify the same
3) you can finish all 'normal' tasks then why make excuses for the others?
4) (teacher during high school) Im here to help, you can ask me whatever you want but if you dont focus and behave like so(when struggling with memory and zoning out) that's entirely your fault. And you deserve all scolding coming your way.
5) you're good with LEGO (during childhood)can't you put the same attention to use to study?
etc etc


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