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-   -   Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal? (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=191181)

PoppnNSailinMan 04-16-18 02:32 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Lunacie (Post 1991768)
When he was out of the office and I was stuck with seeing the PA I liked her too,
AND she listened to me. She sent me for an xray of my back. She asked if I
wanted an MRI of my head. She listened to when the pain had started and how
long I've had it. I do respect her, and I like her.

In my own experience, the PAs and Nurse Practitioners I've seen for my medical care have often had better people skills than the MDs. For 5 years, my "doctor" was really a NP, but I got some of the best best medical care from him that I've ever had.

DeClutter 04-16-18 04:52 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
"Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?"

I would like to spin this question around and look at it from another perspective:

"Do we dismiss our own struggle because we can seem so normal?"

I know i have, because in many areas of my life i can actually be normal... but only "some of the time". Keeping that level up probably already requires much more effort then is normal.

What is really confusing for people and probably leads to the dismissal is that they don't see that internal struggle. And it then is further masked by my tendency for perfectionism and overachieving in some areas, which i instinctively do to build credit for the underachieving and failure that i know is bound to happen.

So in a way it is only normal that people dismiss it, because i go to great lengths to avoid people being aware of my fatal flaws. As i put a lot of energy into preventing them from showing, or avoid social situation where they might show up all together.

Only people who really get close enough might get a sense of the chaos my inner life really is, but even in that case a lot of things are left open to their personal interpretations.

And that's what makes having this condition so isolating, as it is hard to understand if you do not live it yourself.

sarahsweets 04-16-18 07:46 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
"Normal" is a dirty word.`

psychopathetic 04-16-18 10:13 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by PoppnNSailinMan (Post 1991845)
In my own experience, the PAs and Nurse Practitioners I've seen for my medical care have often had better people skills than the MDs. For 5 years, my "doctor" was really a NP, but I got some of the best best medical care from him that I've ever had.

I'm lucky with my medical doc. He's freaking amazing! And he's only a kid!! (okay not a kid...he's probably in his mid 20's, but he looks very young).

He sits down all relaxed, and doesn't act rushed one bit. He listens and is patient and really motivational. And he's cool cause he calls you back personally if you have any questions, or when I get blood drawn he'll call me with my results personally...and he's even given me his personal cell phone number for if I had any questions for him.

I is spoiled! :D

psychopathetic 04-16-18 10:16 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by madmax988 (Post 1991842)
oh yes,all the time,throughout. Even including general physicians in many cases. This is why I share my symptoms with very select few. There have been those who flatly refuse to accept the veracity of symptoms even. Here's the list of what they had to say over the years
1) everything's fine with him except.....(symptoms) all he needs is focus on that, and then all's well
2) you're just lazy and these are all mind's unique ways to justify the same
3) you can finish all 'normal' tasks then why make excuses for the others?
4) (teacher during high school) Im here to help, you can ask me whatever you want but if you dont focus and behave like so(when struggling with memory and zoning out) that's entirely your fault. And you deserve all scolding coming your way.
5) you're good with LEGO (during childhood)can't you put the same attention to use to study?
etc etc

(((((((MadMax)))))))

Lunacie 04-16-18 10:59 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by DeClutter (Post 1991847)
"Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?"

I would like to spin this question around and look at it from another perspective:

"Do we dismiss our own struggle because we can seem so normal?"

I know i have, because in many areas of my life i can actually be normal... but only "some of the time". Keeping that level up probably already requires much more effort then is normal.

What is really confusing for people and probably leads to the dismissal is that they don't see that internal struggle. And it then is further masked by my tendency for perfectionism and overachieving in some areas, which i instinctively do to build credit for the underachieving and failure that i know is bound to happen.

So in a way it is only normal that people dismiss it, because i go to great lengths to avoid people being aware of my fatal flaws. As i put a lot of energy into preventing them from showing, or avoid social situation where they might show up all together.

Only people who really get close enough might get a sense of the chaos my inner life really is, but even in that case a lot of things are left open to their personal interpretations.

And that's what makes having this condition so isolating, as it is hard to understand if you do not live it yourself.

I tried to do that, but somewhere inside me, I knew something was wrong,
something was different about me.

I didn't even try to discuss it with a doctor because the doctor I saw when I
really began to struggle with depression was very dismissive, telling me that
he'd be depressed if he was "stuck at home with a toddler." But I loved being
a mommy and the toddler years are so precious.

My father had migraines, so did my brother. The doctor said I had sinus head-
aches and gave me meds that didn't help. Wouldn't even consider giving me
a medication for migraines. So dismissive.

I didn't tell him that I suspected I had asthma. I went to the store and bought
an inhaler (you could buy them otc back then) and when it helped, then I went
to the doctor and said these are my symptoms and this is what helps. And he
gave me a script for a better inhaler.

Same doctor dismissed me when I asked for hormone tests to see if I really
was perimenopausal, saying I was too young. Took no family history, decided
that time I was depressed and gave me samples of Prozac. I handed them
back, walked out of the office and finally - finally - found a new doctor.

psychopathetic 04-16-18 11:06 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Don't worry Lunsy! I'll just fax you my doctor. He'll help!! :)

psychopathetic 04-16-18 11:29 AM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by psychopathetic (Post 1991869)
Don't worry Lunsy! I'll just fax you my doctor. He'll help!! :)

/sigh

I was only trying to help!

So I went to my doctor's office and grabbed my doctor so I could fax him over to you.
Only he fought me so I had t tie him up with some ropes.
I drug him over to the fax machine...but he just wouldn't fit!! I stuffed and stuffed, but it was just pointless.
When I turned around having given up in utter frustration...there was a bunch of police there yelling at me to put my hands in the air!!!
So I tried to explain to them that NO NO! I'm a good guy!!! I'm only just trying to send my really old friend my doctor cause he's so awesome!
But they wouldnt listen to me!
Next thing I know, I'm on the ground. Apparently they tazed me.

So they took me to jail. Sat there for almost a whole week before I could go in front of the judge.
He really threw the books at me! Sentenced me to 10 years!
Well, 8 years has passed and they just let me out this morning.

Sorry Lunsy.
I tried.
:(


p.s.
I'm bored. I need a life! lol

Lunacie 04-16-18 12:44 PM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by psychopathetic (Post 1991872)
/sigh

I was only trying to help!

So I went to my doctor's office and grabbed my doctor so I could fax him over to you.
Only he fought me so I had t tie him up with some ropes.
I drug him over to the fax machine...but he just wouldn't fit!! I stuffed and stuffed, but it was just pointless.
When I turned around having given up in utter frustration...there was a bunch of police there yelling at me to put my hands in the air!!!
So I tried to explain to them that NO NO! I'm a good guy!!! I'm only just trying to send my really old friend my doctor cause he's so awesome!
But they wouldnt listen to me!
Next thing I know, I'm on the ground. Apparently they tazed me.

So they took me to jail. Sat there for almost a whole week before I could go in front of the judge.
He really threw the books at me! Sentenced me to 10 years!
Well, 8 years has passed and they just let me out this morning.

Sorry Lunsy.
I tried.
:(


p.s.
I'm bored. I need a life! lol

Yes, little buddy. You really are trying. :lol:

I'm so glad you like your doctor and he will actually listen to you instead of
being dismissive. :D

I really do like the PA I've been seeing instead of the doctor. She's the one who
sent me for an x-ray of my back, and then an MRI.

She's only in the office a couple of days a week though, so when the results of
the MRI arrived, the doctor looked them over and called with his suggestions
for a course of action.

Bah. I told the nurse I wanted to talk to the PA. She was a little huffy about it
but I stood my ground this time. The PA set up an appointment with a spine
specialist. Where has she been all my life????? I needed her 40 years ago!

allesandro1 04-16-18 01:43 PM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
If people don't see something extraordinary, they just assume that nothing is, particularly if they are not directly impacted upon.

DeClutter 04-16-18 03:08 PM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Yeah. The wheels really have to come off the wagon for people to see that it is broken. ��

Lunacie 04-16-18 07:08 PM

Re: Do you feel dismissed because you can seem so normal?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by allesandro1 (Post 1991880)
If people don't see something extraordinary, they just assume that nothing is, particularly if they are not directly impacted upon.

I didn't think we were talking about people who aren't directly impacted.

My hubby saw it, day in and day out. He assumed I could control it if I only
wanted to and tried to.

Doctors should be looking for something on the border of extraordinary, or for
things that aren't *quite* right and asking about them, not passing out scripts
for pain pills and mood lifters, but asking if there might really be something
going on.


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