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-   -   Self-appointed advice-givers (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=186816)

Jacksper 07-14-17 05:05 PM

Self-appointed advice-givers
 
This week, a colleague discovered that I had ADHD, and the first thing he did was send me an email about how to organize my tasks using a digital todo book, my appointments using a calendar system and more advice like this.

I was too busy to really think about it, so I replied and thanked him for the advice and told him that I would do something with it.

But now that it's weekend, I reflect on this, and I actually think it's very condescending and disrespectful to do this. I didn't ask for advice and he didn't ask me if I wanted it. And I don't need tips on how to organize myself, I mean, that's not my problem. I actually am an expert on how to do this, if I was neurotypical I would be a professional organizer. The main issue is not lacking knowledge on how to do something, but actually doing it (the executive function) that's the challenge.
Also, he wasn't reachable by phone all week, even though I emailed him multiple times that I needed to speak with him (about some projects), and I think that's not cool as well.
I finished to important tasks for him this week, one that he asked me to do on sms after work-time, and I did it in minutes (a server was down and I found the issue quickly, and fixed it), and one that I needed to do for him, he asked me to do it before the end of Friday, and I finished it around lunchtime on Thursday (it took me 4 hours in an already very busy week). In both cases, he didn't thank me.

I don't hate him, in fact he's a fine guy, but this week I couldn't stand him for the reasons above. It's interesting to notice how I tried to act nice, but all week I felt bad about this treatment that he gave me and it's only now that it's weekend that I am able to put it into words.

Do people sometimes treat you like this as well? How do you respond, or how would you respond?

stef 07-14-17 05:25 PM

Re: Self-appointed advice-givers
 
I hate these lingering resentment kind of situations!
see the humor, if you can
you certainly are more organized than he is :)

Jacksper 07-14-17 05:39 PM

Re: Self-appointed advice-givers
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by stef (Post 1955847)
see the humor, if you can
you certainly are more organized than he is :)

Thanks, that's a great way to approach this! It seems that you're right... at least for this week, I was more organized :lol:

Gypsy Willow 07-14-17 05:58 PM

Re: Self-appointed advice-givers
 
I can't stand these people either. They talk down to you like you're stupid and they are sooooooo much wiser and "together" then you are.

Little Nut 07-14-17 07:48 PM

Re: Self-appointed advice-givers
 
Not upsetting to me. I tell them I wholeheartedly believe that; Unsolicited advice is worth what you pay for it. I do not get any pleasure from the fact that many of them do not understand my point. HTH, -LN

Little Missy 07-14-17 09:25 PM

Re: Self-appointed advice-givers
 
I usually don't pay attention so it hasn't been too much of a problem as I recall. Or, I interrupt them with lengthy better advice about something completely different.

sarahsweets 07-15-17 07:18 AM

Re: Self-appointed advice-givers
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Jacksper (Post 1955843)
This week, a colleague discovered that I had ADHD, and the first thing he did was send me an email about how to organize my tasks using a digital todo book, my appointments using a calendar system and more advice like this.

I was too busy to really think about it, so I replied and thanked him for the advice and told him that I would do something with it.

But now that it's weekend, I reflect on this, and I actually think it's very condescending and disrespectful to do this. I didn't ask for advice and he didn't ask me if I wanted it. And I don't need tips on how to organize myself, I mean, that's not my problem. I actually am an expert on how to do this, if I was neurotypical I would be a professional organizer. The main issue is not lacking knowledge on how to do something, but actually doing it (the executive function) that's the challenge.
Also, he wasn't reachable by phone all week, even though I emailed him multiple times that I needed to speak with him (about some projects), and I think that's not cool as well.
I finished to important tasks for him this week, one that he asked me to do on sms after work-time, and I did it in minutes (a server was down and I found the issue quickly, and fixed it), and one that I needed to do for him, he asked me to do it before the end of Friday, and I finished it around lunchtime on Thursday (it took me 4 hours in an already very busy week). In both cases, he didn't thank me.

I don't hate him, in fact he's a fine guy, but this week I couldn't stand him for the reasons above. It's interesting to notice how I tried to act nice, but all week I felt bad about this treatment that he gave me and it's only now that it's weekend that I am able to put it into words.

Do people sometimes treat you like this as well? How do you respond, or how would you respond?

My first question is, how did he find out you had adhd?
To me that would be the first issue to deal with and If I had been the one to tell him I would definitely regret that. Its why I always recommend that people do not tell anyone at work ever about it. Yes it is rude and none of his business and I would tell him that. You didnt ask for help and he doesnt even know if you receive medical treatment for it.

Lunacie 07-15-17 10:52 AM

Re: Self-appointed advice-givers
 
Funny how others take it upon themselves to educate us about our disorder,
when they're the ones who need to learn more about it.

Funny as ironic. Not ha-ha funny.


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