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PookDo 05-30-12 04:20 PM

Work friends?
I have a couple of guys who are friends at work and for maybe the last month they both seem to distance themselves from me and hang out and chat with the new hire group that came up around the same time. I have been here way longer than both of them and I don't need if I'm over analyzing things or not. Ive always had issues either making or keeping friends so I don't know if this is the usual way things go or if I'm just being over sensetive

sarek 05-30-12 04:27 PM

Re: Work friends?
My experience at work is that i only ever feel at ease in the company of like minded people. Most working environments are not like that because we are a minority. So i usually feel out of place in most work environments.

I know its not much of a consolation for you but at least its an explanation.

silivrentoliel 05-30-12 05:55 PM

Re: Work friends?
i generally don't make friends at work coz they all seem to superficial to me- even ones that i thought were actually friends tend to leave me out of things...

sarahsweets 05-30-12 05:59 PM

Re: Work friends?
If they cant be bothered with you then youre to good for them. F**k them. You deserve better.

Unmanagable 05-30-12 06:22 PM

Re: Work friends?
I had what I considered to be really good friends at work that I've known for over a decade. Once I resigned, I didn't hear a damn peep out of 99% of them. I'm the one that had to initiate contact. My "what ifness" kicked in for a few weeks and it really bothered me.

But my best friend is mostly the same in regards to not initiating contact. I've come to the conclusion that I sometimes have a hard time accepting that other folks aren't willing to extend a little bit of energy to just say hi when there's nothing I wouldn't do for them.

Fuzzy12 05-30-12 06:25 PM

Re: Work friends?
Sigh or maybe they are like me and thrive only on novelty?? :(

keliza 05-30-12 07:05 PM

Re: Work friends?
Why don't you see if everyone wants to go out for dinner or drinks one Friday night after you all get off work? Hanging out goes both ways... why do they have to be the ones to initiate with you? Maybe they're just being friendly with the new folks, and your own anxiety has alienated you. I'm not blaming you or saying you did anything wrong, but I'm just playing devil's advocate here... sometimes when we have anxieties about our relationships with others, we will perceive a situation in a way that feeds into our anxiety when that's really not the case. Those guys could just be being friendly to the new hires, not intentionally trying to blow you off.

Inviting everyone out to a night of drinks and dinner would be a great way to get everyone hanging out together, and open up the friend circle to include everyone. That way you know you've extended your hand to all, and if they don't want to hang out, then that's their problem. At least you'll know you tried. If you never try then you're just letting your anxiety get the best of you.

Crazygirl79 05-31-12 12:07 AM

Re: Work friends?
Get over it, seriously they're aren't even worth writing this thread about to be brutally honest.

Like Sarahsweets has said, you deserve better and they are just work colleagues not friends because friends don't act like that!


twisty 06-04-12 02:29 AM

Re: Work friends?
Work friends are a questionable thing for me at times. I have a few work friends that I feel are pretty close. I do question sometimes the validity of work friendships as I sometimes get stuck in the mind trap of we were forced to work with each other for 40 hours a week, so were we "forced" to be friends? I've had this theory tested at times as I had this one work friend who was in my same position that I believed to be a very good friend of mine. We would have our fights but usually we would share the same interests and have an awesome time at work, even hanging out outside of work on a regular basis. He then found a better job about a month ago and I never heard from him since. It bothered me a lot and made me question my friendship with other co-workers.

What I finally did realize is that you can treat work friends like regular friendships and if they start to act crappy towards you as a friend, then forget them just as you would any other friend treating you like s#$@.

sarek 06-04-12 02:39 AM

Re: Work friends?
Even the most popular people don't have hundreds of friends lined up. And that is only a fraction of the number of people everyone meets each day.

So why should the people at work be exempt from that statistical rule and automagically qualify as good friend material? They are just people life threw us together with.

PookDo 06-12-12 06:17 PM

Re: Work friends?
I kind of realized why things at work are the way they are is because of how I am. I tend to be the odd one out. My perspective and personality is so different. Somehow I tend to alienate people and its not on purpose. That and with everything going on with me working a lot of overtime to take care of my wife and myself its hard for me to have free time to do or go much of anywhere

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