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-   -   Being a 'shut in' and managing to end ones self imposed isolation. (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=194494)

Lloyd_ 02-17-19 05:51 PM

Being a 'shut in' and managing to end ones self imposed isolation.
 
Nothing wrong with solitude but I'm curious to know if anyone here has been a shut in at one point and has ever managed to break out of the solitary confinement and into stable/healthy friendships/relationships?

For about the decade or so being a shut in I've tried to socialize/interact on and off with people, not sure if it's because of social media nowadays and people just don't know how to have normal interactions anymore but it's so awkward, I cannot relate with people let alone find anything interesting to talk about if I try to get on their level, pretty much since quitting alcohol years ago trying to socialize now is just quite the awful experience, I don't even want to think about dating again and how much of a ****show that would be! :eek:

Anyone here ever managed to get past this point?

mrzyphl 02-17-19 11:52 PM

Re: Being a 'shut in' and managing to end ones self imposed isolation.
 
Go to meetup .com and join a breakfast club, book club, bridge club or
whatever interests you. Check out your local community center and see if
they have pick up team nights for sports like pickleball, volleyball or
basketball. Join a community theatre. Act in a role, be in the chorus or help
build sets. These are things you can do just to be around people. You can be
friendly without the need to exhaust yourself trying to become good friends with people.

LeighWolf 02-18-19 05:43 PM

Re: Being a 'shut in' and managing to end ones self imposed isolation.
 
Do you mean an actual shut in? You didn't leave your house or only left to get necessities? Do you have an anxiety disorder or just feel totally awkward and disconnected? Do you even want relationships? Or think maybe you do but not sure how your end of the bargain might look? Is there anything you feel has to either change or just be accepted "as is" that is really hard to let people even see?

Don't think you have to answer all my questions, but you can if you feel it might lead you somewhere good!

Feel ok on the forum?

Lloyd_ 02-18-19 06:58 PM

Re: Being a 'shut in' and managing to end ones self imposed isolation.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by LeighWolf (Post 2014979)
Do you mean an actual shut in? You didn't leave your house or only left to get necessities? Do you have an anxiety disorder or just feel totally awkward and disconnected? Do you even want relationships? Or think maybe you do but not sure how your end of the bargain might look? Is there anything you feel has to either change or just be accepted "as is" that is really hard to let people even see?

Don't think you have to answer all my questions, but you can if you feel it might lead you somewhere good!

Feel ok on the forum?

You're reading a bit too much into what I wrote, I'm just asking if anyone here who has spent years as a shut in ever managed to break out of that and ended up socializing and dating, etc after not doing those things for a very long time. Thats all.

Lloyd_ 02-18-19 07:05 PM

Re: Being a 'shut in' and managing to end ones self imposed isolation.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by LeighWolf (Post 2014979)

Feel ok on the forum?

Sometimes I don't and won't go into details for I don't want to start a huge ****storm on this forum. Lets just leave it at that. ;)

soulsearcher 02-18-19 10:06 PM

Re: Being a 'shut in' and managing to end ones self imposed isolation.
 
Hello I am currently undiagnosed and waiting for a psychiatrist appointment

I actually lived in my bedroom for years, mainly when i first left school I have problems communicating it did improve when i eventually got a job, but it was up and down it's not easy to get out some times I would not even go downstairs.

I am in a relationship but it's been difficult for me I can't communicate with my partner still and i am very hyper i am 40 years old.

as humans we can create our own world as its difficult to face the real world i remember changing my bedroom furniture around every week its not a nice place to be

working was the best thing for me but keeping a job is not easy

hope it helps you are not alone in this

sarahsweets 02-19-19 05:14 PM

Re: Being a 'shut in' and managing to end ones self imposed isolation.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Lloyd_ (Post 2014985)
You're reading a bit too much into what I wrote, I'm just asking if anyone here who has spent years as a shut in ever managed to break out of that and ended up socializing and dating, etc after not doing those things for a very long time. Thats all.

Quote:

shut-inDictionary result for shut-in
/ˈSHəd ˌin/Submit
noun
1.
NORTH AMERICAN
a person confined indoors, especially as a result of physical or mental disability.
"she volunteered to visit the sick and the shut-ins"
2.
a state or period in which an oil or gas well has available but unused capacity.
You cant blame her for asking.

Lloyd_ 03-06-19 11:00 PM

Re: Being a 'shut in' and managing to end ones self imposed isolation.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahsweets (Post 2015011)
You cant blame her for asking.

:rolleyes:

namazu 03-06-19 11:14 PM

Re: Being a 'shut in' and managing to end ones self imposed isolation.
 
Lloyd, it's a legitimate question.

There's a difference between being a homebody without a fulfilling social life, on the one hand, and being agoraphobic, or trapped by your hoarding problem, or with limited mobility due to disability/size/etc. to the point that you are truly "shut in" for weeks, months, or years at a time... These require different approaches.

Is it the case that you have not been able to leave your house for an extended period?

If not, what is the actual problem you're experiencing? Is the issue that you have no friends (and perhaps no job) and therefore no compelling reason to leave the house and get out and socialize? Is it that you're out of practice spending time with people (to the extent you were ever "in practice")?

You mentioned difficulties socializing since you quit alcohol...could you say more about that? Do you need ideas for places to meet people that aren't alcohol-centric? Or do you just feel more awkward socializing when you're not inebriated?

Perhaps you could clarify what your situation is so that we could try to offer constructive suggestions.

namazu 03-06-19 11:50 PM

Re: Being a 'shut in' and managing to end ones self imposed isolation.
 
OK, so I just noticed "self imposed" in the thread title...

I don't want to make assumptions, because sometimes people blame themselves for all kinds of things. But I'm going to assume that you're not agoraphobic or confined to the house by mobility limitations or clutter.

So...what has stopped you from getting out more during this period of time? Was it lack of interest, or fear of rejection, or...?

And what kinds of interactions are you looking for in the near-term?

Do you live somewhere with neighbors nearby and whose names you know?

Do I ask too many questions? ;)

20thcenturyfox 03-16-19 04:37 PM

Might Be Some Good Ideas on a Previous Thread
 
Depending on your situation, you might be interested in some of the responses to Peri's similar thread from a couple of years ago on "Resurrecting Friendships after Self-Isolating:

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=185906

midnightstar 03-21-19 05:56 AM

Re: Being a 'shut in' and managing to end ones self imposed isolation.
 
This is a quick mod note from your local, friendly moderators to remind everyone to respect other members and not to fight with each other. Thanks for all future cooperation.

sk1n1m1n 07-06-19 10:38 AM

Re: Being a 'shut in' and managing to end ones self imposed isolation.
 
If being a shut in works for you and you have hobbies and things to do why not go for it, if it doesn't the look into other alternatives.

For me giving up the boring *** groups was one the best things I have done for own personal wellbeing, I was so bored listening to 10 people talk about the weather and mundane rubbish, so I gave them and honestly, it was the best thing I did. It got easier I became more productive at home. I was like this going out every day to these things didn't suit my solitary tendencies and wanting my own company or issues of not wanting to leave my property. if I don't want to something because of depression I don't want to. end off. I don't fight my natural mind. So I did and it was like an escape, a release from human contact back to safe place.


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