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-   -   What mannerisms of yours are off putting to others? (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=190784)

acdc01 03-15-18 06:42 AM

What mannerisms of yours are off putting to others?
 
What about you do you think is off-putting to others?

I'm asking about mannerisms, facial expressions. Tone of voice, the way you stand, stuff like that. Subtle things that can have an impact on how you project yourself to others.

For me my difficulties with eye contact is one. This spaced out look I get sometimes cause well I'm not really paying attention to what they say is another (though the look doesn't happen too often). Those I think are directly from my adhd.

I also sometimes speak with a tone of absolute certainty in my convictions sometimes. I've had one person tell me they loved it cause they knew I was right and also, deep inside I don't think she liked the person I was disagreeing with. Usually though, I think it **** off the person I'm disagreeing with making me seem arrogant and condescending to them. This I don't think is related to my adhd.

OyVeyKitty 03-15-18 07:34 AM

Re: What mannerisms of yours are off putting to others?
 
As far as I know I don't have anything particularly off-putting in my mannerisms in real life, but then again it could be that it's so bad that I'm just not aware of it! lol On the other hand, I have been told I have a very welcoming and kind appearance and it's common for people to pick me out of a group to come talk to me. :) I think it's because I make eye contact and smile at people a lot and just generally tend to be a happy person? I have been accused of being on drugs when I have been sober though, but I suspect that's mostly less about mannerisms and more about general ADHD symptoms. :p

On the internet things are the complete opposite, however! :scratch: I feel like I often come across as if I speak with too much certainty or end up just not conveying the message I wanted at all. I am really hopeless when it comes to just using text, so I end up abusing emoji and "lol" in an effort to bring some tone and body language into it. :lol: I typically have to remove at least half of the emoji, "lols" and "hahas" I used before actually posting what I have written. Really I would prefer to use at least one emoji per sentence just to set the tone lol! So my internet mannerisms are really poor in my own opinion. :doh:

It's one of the reasons I don't post a lot even though I hang out here a bunch, I have no idea how to talk on the internet. :confused: Then I end up feeling bad about it when I read it later and realize I come off totally condescending or judgey or some other thing I really didn't intend to do. On the internet I feel like how I imagine people on the autism spectrum must feel like in real life, just unable to express how I feel and accidentally coming off as totally rude when I really didn't intend it that way. :(

Just for fun I decided to leave all the emoji I used while writing this post, so you all can see what my posts would look like if I left them the way I initially write them. Enjoy! :lol:

psychopathetic 03-15-18 07:58 AM

Re: What mannerisms of yours are off putting to others?
 
I can be standoffish. When I'm really doing unwell I'll often not take good care of myself so I'll have a bunch of facial hair and I look like a big grump. I think I scare/intimidate a lot of people and often they're surprised at just how nice, perky and polite I really am.

I get self righteous at times. Get on a high horse. Get cocky...feel like I'm better then others. I don't like this part of me a bit...but I think it's a defense mechanism i use to keep people I'm uncomfortable with away from me.

I have a hard time with eye contact.

I interrupt people quite a bit (so frustrating!)

Sometimes I either talk too quickly, or I start mumbling/mixing up my words (or saying things that make sense in my head but come out all mixed up with words lol) and so I can be hard to follow or understand.

And I can be too honest sometimes. I don't mean to be rude or anything, but sometimes I just say things as I see them without filtering how to say it more politely.
I typically actually like this part of me. I'm just a very honest person...but it does upset people sometimes. It can make people uncomfortable...and sometimes I think people think I'm being rude or attacking them (like I'm upset with them or something)...when, no, not at all! I'm just being honest!
(I suspect I may have some high functioning autism going on, and this would be part of that).

psychopathetic 03-15-18 08:08 AM

Re: What mannerisms of yours are off putting to others?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by OyVeyKitty (Post 1988581)
So my internet mannerisms are really poor in my own opinion. :doh:

FYI...:)
I don't agree one bit with your opinion! :o

To me you come across as a very sweet, genuinely nice, likeable person. :grouphug:

I'd like to see you post more often and I always like when I see a reply from you, or a 'thanks' from you. :D


P.S. :cool:
This 1 emoji per sentence thing is kinda fun...:giggle:
But you're right...it really probably is a bit too much! :lol:

(((((((Oy-Oys)))))))


-------
-------

And also...

(((((((acdc)))))))

Great post! I think it's a sign of mental strength and health to be self aware. I think it's also good to take a look at things like this...it's hard to improve on things you're unaware of or unwilling to accept.

OyVeyKitty 03-15-18 08:26 AM

Re: What mannerisms of yours are off putting to others?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by psychopathetic (Post 1988584)
I think I scare/intimidate a lot of people and often they're surprised at just how nice, perky and polite I really am.

I hope this doesn't offend you, but for the life of me I just can't imagine you scaring anyone. :o You're one of the nicest and most caring people I have ever talked to and it's difficult to imagine you scaring anyone. I can't help but just imagine you looking like a huge teddy bear when I think of you not grooming and getting extra hairy. :lol:

Quote:

Originally Posted by psychopathetic (Post 1988584)
I don't agree one bit with your opinion! :o

To me you come across as a very sweet, genuinely nice, likeable person. :grouphug:

I'd like to see you post more often and I always like when I see a reply from you, or a 'thanks' from you. :D

Aww thank you!! :grouphug:

sarahsweets 03-15-18 08:34 AM

Re: What mannerisms of yours are off putting to others?
 
Well Im super friendly and its gotten worse since I got sober. I just have or express more empathy now then I used to. I make friends with everyone, cashiers in my town, pharmacists, everyone usually with humor but there are a some that are put off by it-which makes me try even harder. I am always told that if anyone can get them to smile or at least chat its probably me. There's this grumpy old woman who has worked at my town pharmacy for eons she was always shaking her head and muttering under her breath. I just started saying funny things to her and now she loves me. I guess its a skill but if you arent into sarcasm with a smile or are looking to stay solitary- you might hate it. Ive been told I am intimidating because of how honest I am, but I try really hard to check it and at least apologize if I hurt someone. My really bad fidgeting is annoying.

Its a form of dyskinesia-which my neuro told me is related some to medication I take. I warn everyone that doesnt know me that if they want to move away or leave some space between us its fine, I know I drive people nuts. Now that they have those giant recliners at the movies I've seen a few just because I can spread out and have my own space. Everyone in AA knows this about me and it they are new I warn them.

sarahsweets 03-15-18 08:35 AM

Re: What mannerisms of yours are off putting to others?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by OyVeyKitty (Post 1988581)
As far as I know I don't have anything particularly off-putting in my mannerisms in real life, but then again it could be that it's so bad that I'm just not aware of it! lol On the other hand, I have been told I have a very welcoming and kind appearance and it's common for people to pick me out of a group to come talk to me. :) I think it's because I make eye contact and smile at people a lot and just generally tend to be a happy person? I have been accused of being on drugs when I have been sober though, but I suspect that's mostly less about mannerisms and more about general ADHD symptoms. :p

On the internet things are the complete opposite, however! :scratch: I feel like I often come across as if I speak with too much certainty or end up just not conveying the message I wanted at all. I am really hopeless when it comes to just using text, so I end up abusing emoji and "lol" in an effort to bring some tone and body language into it. :lol: I typically have to remove at least half of the emoji, "lols" and "hahas" I used before actually posting what I have written. Really I would prefer to use at least one emoji per sentence just to set the tone lol! So my internet mannerisms are really poor in my own opinion. :doh:

It's one of the reasons I don't post a lot even though I hang out here a bunch, I have no idea how to talk on the internet. :confused: Then I end up feeling bad about it when I read it later and realize I come off totally condescending or judgey or some other thing I really didn't intend to do. On the internet I feel like how I imagine people on the autism spectrum must feel like in real life, just unable to express how I feel and accidentally coming off as totally rude when I really didn't intend it that way. :(

Just for fun I decided to leave all the emoji I used while writing this post, so you all can see what my posts would look like if I left them the way I initially write them. Enjoy! :lol:

I identify but I dont feel that way about you. I identify a lot and would go so far as to say our posting styles are similar.

eats_mice 03-15-18 12:17 PM

Re: What mannerisms of yours are off putting to others?
 
My mom always hated (and still does) when I sing aloud to music I'm listening to. She never let me practice my guitar while she was in the house. Then again, when she's in the house, it's her way or the highway. I chose the highway awhile ago >.<

psychopathetic 03-15-18 03:36 PM

Re: What mannerisms of yours are off putting to others?
 
Do you still play the guitar Eats?

Budkeiser 03-15-18 04:20 PM

Re: What mannerisms of yours are off putting to others?
 
I am sure there are some mannerisms that are annoying that I am not aware of because of one reason or another. Some people may be too polite to tell me, some people get annoyed and leave without saying anything, or for whatever other reason.

Two mannerisms that come to mind I am definitely aware about are telling the truth and having no filter and my sarcasm is offered with a straight face – often most people have no idea if I am serious. Possibly a third, but more of mix of the two is being straight forward.
I know if I am interested in someone, the best thing I can do is not open my mouth. I will try to use email and texts as often as possible initially. It also helps me recall things about the person when I review the messages. I used to be a notary public, which meant I was legally obligated to be truthful. Not the best pick-up line, but I was never one to use a line.
I do have to deal with the public often. I have to keep reminding myself that whatever I say can be used in court because of the work I do.

This might partially explain why I am not one to try to initiate sharing. I'll share information based upon a question asked typically. I am definitely not a person you want on speaker phone. Of course I never intend to say something malicious, insulting or dumb, but that doesn’t mean it's not received the same way as my intent. I have heard the phrase, "coming from you, that’s a compliment".

I also tend to over explain maybe. I like to receive examples so I probably overuse examples when I explain how to do something.

Fuzzy12 03-15-18 04:27 PM

Re: What mannerisms of yours are off putting to others?
 
I think there must be lots of things that are off putting about me but I'm not sure what. I ask a lot of questions and I ask till I get a proper answer and that annoys, disturbs or confuses a lot of.people. I also don't express myself very well.

I also fidget a lot with pens or other small items. I tap then against the table or do other things which people might find annoying.

I crack my Knuckles. That must be off putting. Sometimes I don't answer or walk away when people are talking. I do this a lot though only hubby has complained about it. I only do it at home with family though. With others in.much too self conscious.

Apparently I also show my annoyance and frustration too much on my face. Even at work people like several supervisors have mentioned that.

I frown a lot especially when I'm thinking or trying to listen...or when I'm annoyed. It used to confuse hubby till he understood that that was my thinking face.

Fuzzy12 03-15-18 04:29 PM

Re: What mannerisms of yours are off putting to others?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by eats_mice (Post 1988616)
My mom always hated (and still does) when I sing aloud to music I'm listening to. She never let me practice my guitar while she was in the house. Then again, when she's in the house, it's her way or the highway. I chose the highway awhile ago >.<

My mum is the only one who enjoys my singing. My mum and my daughter.

It used to irritate the hell out of hubby that I'm always humming something or sinking the same song for hours...

Fuzzy12 03-15-18 04:33 PM

Re: What mannerisms of yours are off putting to others?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by OyVeyKitty (Post 1988581)
As far as I know I don't have anything particularly off-putting in my mannerisms in real life, but then again it could be that it's so bad that I'm just not aware of it! lol On the other hand, I have been told I have a very welcoming and kind appearance and it's common for people to pick me out of a group to come talk to me. :) I think it's because I make eye contact and smile at people a lot and just generally tend to be a happy person? I have been accused of being on drugs when I have been sober though, but I suspect that's mostly less about mannerisms and more about general ADHD symptoms. :p

On the internet things are the complete opposite, however! :scratch: I feel like I often come across as if I speak with too much certainty or end up just not conveying the message I wanted at all. I am really hopeless when it comes to just using text, so I end up abusing emoji and "lol" in an effort to bring some tone and body language into it. :lol: I typically have to remove at least half of the emoji, "lols" and "hahas" I used before actually posting what I have written. Really I would prefer to use at least one emoji per sentence just to set the tone lol! So my internet mannerisms are really poor in my own opinion. :doh:

It's one of the reasons I don't post a lot even though I hang out here a bunch, I have no idea how to talk on the internet. :confused: Then I end up feeling bad about it when I read it later and realize I come off totally condescending or judgey or some other thing I really didn't intend to do. On the internet I feel like how I imagine people on the autism spectrum must feel like in real life, just unable to express how I feel and accidentally coming off as totally rude when I really didn't intend it that way. :(

Just for fun I decided to leave all the emoji I used while writing this post, so you all can see what my posts would look like if I left them the way I initially write them. Enjoy! :lol:

Kitty I genuinely can't find anything to fault in the way you post. I wouldn't know if I understand your posts as you intend them to be understood but I find that you express yourself very well and very clearly. You also don't sound arrogant or speak with too much certainty.

I love emoticons and I too feel that I can express myself better with emoticons. I used to use them in every sentence. I'm wearing myself off them mainly because I wonder if people think.im trivialising their issues if I reply with too many emoticons.

Little Missy 03-15-18 04:56 PM

Re: What mannerisms of yours are off putting to others?
 
If anyone even spoke part of a line that is in a show tune or a musical one of us would carry it on. Loudly.

I do it a lot at the gas station because they have very loud outdoor speakers.

acdc01 03-15-18 05:34 PM

Re: What mannerisms of yours are off putting to others?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by OyVeyKitty (Post 1988581)
On the internet things are the complete opposite, however! :scratch: I feel like I often come across as if I speak with too much certainty or end up just not conveying the message I wanted at all. I

I think the vast majority of people on this board are as surprised as I am to hear you feel this way.

I remember your first post I ever read as it really stood out to me. It was a story you created in order to explain something to the OP. It was so magical and you stuck out to me as a really special person. I actually wished for a moment that I was more like you. I thought people must find you really charming and a joy to be around. Reading some of your other posts, your writing seems to be like who you say you appear to be irl.


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