ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community

ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community (http://www.addforums.com/forums/index.php)
-   General ADD Talk (http://www.addforums.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=13)
-   -   Success paralysis(perfectionism?) (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=195803)

MilosM 06-07-20 05:37 AM

Success paralysis(perfectionism?)
 
I wasn't sure how to name this, and I don't even know if this has anything to do with ADHD. I am curious does anyone has this. After I start doing something, and it all goes well, I end up staying away from that activity because I'm afraid I will make it less perfect over time. Here are some examples below.

I started teaching English online, and it's been going well for now, all students gave me 5/5 stars, which is great. The problem is that now I can't force myself to continue because I know that someone will eventually give me a lower rating. I got attached to my perfect score, and I can't risk losing it.

I had a similar problem when I was a teen. I would play this Football Manager game, and when my football/soccer club wins some 10 games in a row, I would abandon that save because I couldn't force myself to risk losing the perfect streak.

Perfectionism issues I guess? Once something stops being perfect I lose motivation to invest in it anymore.

Drogheda98 06-15-20 11:58 PM

Re: Success paralysis(perfectionism?)
 
this is something I encountered after mourning, or grief, the concepts are hard to differentiate.

when we are born we are perfect, it is what we are, imagine a doctor say "it's a boy/girl", before that we are the it is the belly of our mothers.

sooner or later we go through several stages of healthy narcissism when it's all about us and we are perfect, then as in my story above, somebody we are close to dies, our subconcious becomes apparent to each of us, we grieve, would do anything for them just to be here again, just for a moment.

everything matters after that point cause we know what that means.

fitting this into your story, ya we can lose things, people, stuff that is important to us, when we realize how terribly small we are we realize how important each and every bloody second in everybody's life is. the biggest give is knowing our biggest weakness is our greatest strength

then nothings perfect, just as it should be, and the nothing that is perfect, well, I can describe the above, the nothing which is perfect, has is like a religious experience.

we give up our perfection because we know how utterly week we are, and that's are biggest strength, true strengths is knowing our weakness is strength, when we know how unperfect we are, we know how strong we are and this of the perfect nature no-longer are trivial

cause everyday those who mourne would give anything to see those they mourned again

I probably did a shotty job there

Greyhound1 06-16-20 01:47 AM

Re: Success paralysis(perfectionism?)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by MilosM (Post 2025760)
I wasn't sure how to name this, and I don't even know if this has anything to do with ADHD. I am curious does anyone has this. After I start doing something, and it all goes well, I end up staying away from that activity because I'm afraid I will make it less perfect over time. Here are some examples below.

I started teaching English online, and it's been going well for now, all students gave me 5/5 stars, which is great. The problem is that now I can't force myself to continue because I know that someone will eventually give me a lower rating. I got attached to my perfect score, and I can't risk losing it.

I had a similar problem when I was a teen. I would play this Football Manager game, and when my football/soccer club wins some 10 games in a row, I would abandon that save because I couldn't force myself to risk losing the perfect streak.

Perfectionism issues I guess? Once something stops being perfect I lose motivation to invest in it anymore.

That’s a quandary but it depends on how you look at it. You seem to lose motivation when you reach perfect once. If your fear of less than perfect results prohibits you from continuing a streak then the streak stops there. It’s the same place if you continue and achieve less than perfect. The streak ends.

Try adding to, changing and growing your definitions of what “perfect” or “streak” is to you. If you taught one class and received 5/5 stars then now it’s time to increase your record to 2 classes with good ratings. If you won 10 games in a row of football manager then go for 20, 30, 50 in a row. Perfection is something that is never achieved and should always be strived for. Ending a steak from fear of losing doesn’t preserve perfection, it only inhibits one from getting closer.

ILoveShinyObjec 07-04-20 10:44 AM

Re: Success paralysis(perfectionism?)
 
Here's a story from (i forgot which book on perfectionism) I connect with the ending the most:
“Perfectionism has been that ‘frenemy’ who’s tagged along with me my entire life. On the surface she’s helped me get stuff done right. But underneath she was always there at the worst moments to whisper cruel criticisms in my ear no matter how hard I’d worked or how well I’d done. Perfectionism helped me get straight A’s all through school, helped me get into Harvard, helped me graduate from medical school with highest honors. She helped me go from a skinny 13 year old with no athletic ability to a Division 1 college water polo player. She’s helped me excel at pretty much anything I put my mind to. But she was also there to tell me that each of these accomplishments was not sufficient, that I should try harder, do more, be better. When I had achieved something difficult & was enjoying my success, she was there to whisper in my ear, “Not good enough…set your sights higher.” -Elana Miller

Perfectionism has been the hardest most relentless frenemy (friend/enemy) of my life. I do amazing things & still feel inadequate, fake, not good enough. Or it causes me to procrastinate because it’s not good enough; it has too be better…the best.

I am too embarrassed to share my work if it’s not exceptional. I fear others will reject it/me & not love it/me.

It’s caused the 1 I love most in this world my wife so much pain too! I hate it! But I think it keeps me “safe”…


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:08 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) 2003 - 2015 ADD Forums