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JLOinNC 08-26-20 10:17 AM

Dealing with Destruction
I read bits and pieces here and there that destruction is normal with ADHD. I've even read some threads else where that there are adults who never grew out of it. That scares me. I just don't know how to help my son and I haven't been able to find anyone who can help me help my son. I don't know if I'm trying to make it stop (maybe I'm hopeful??), or just tone it down? Here is some of what we go through:
- peeing on carpet in his gaming room
- pulling out threads of the couch fabric to the point where there are huge holes in the couch.
- taking thumb tacks out of my "office supply box" and using them to dig holes in his wall by his bed (size of two quarters side by side and as deep as a jawbreaker
- chewing apart (multiple pieces) retainers (after braces) - we went through 4 @ 160.00 each
- tearing apart socks - 1 thread at a time till there is nothing left of the sock, while he's wearing them. I buy new sock packs every month.
- tearing threads out of his underwear till they won't stay up
- chewing the neck liner out of shirts
- breaks pencils daily (multiples) at school
- tears apart pens at school
- digs holes in paper and books with his pencils and pens (really deep holes)
- sticks pencils in the small holes of his gym shorts and twists till it tears and makes big gaping holes.
-sticking his hands in Kleenex boxes and tearing up the openings while sitting down playing on his tablet (just random absent minded destruction)
- chewing up/ fraying his seatbelt (had to be replaced and closing to being replaced again)
- picking apart the armrest of his booster seat in the car
- tearing apart the (breaking off pieces) of the cover for his tablet
- pulling apart/ unraveling the cat scratching posts
- pulling the cat dangling toy of all the cat scratching posts
I could honestly go on. But I'm sure it's already annoying to most of you. And I'm sorry. Perhaps I'm also venting. I don't really have anyone to turn to. At my age, my two closest friends, one never had kids and the other, her son is already grown and never had these issues. Of course if I even slightly mention my son has ADHD or OCD or Anxiety to anyone, I'm just "labeling" him and I'm just a lazy bad parent who doesn't want to do anything for a spoiled child <insert eye roll> We'll ignore the fact that my son sees a Neurologist, an Occupational Therapist and a Behavior Therapist. It was a very very very hard decision for me, but I finally caved and put him on medication, and all this - is on medication. It was WAY WAY worse. How many people do you know that have 7 year old that already has an explusion on their school record :( We have a "point" system at home. Gainers / Losers. He earns points and losers points based on specific behaviors. Then he gets to trade those points in each Sunday. He has to "buy" time on his computer, his tablet or TV. He doesn't get those freely. He can earn other things too, immediate gratification items and some "big ticket" items he has to save for. I try so hard at this stage not to yell at him anymore on the destruction. I'll admit, calmly, I do tell him - like yesterday with his torn up gym shorts, I was angry and disappointed. But I also remind him, we're in this together and that we have to learn how to overcome the snags and use the superpowers ADHD gives us to our advantages. I take a deep breathe and I internally cry. A lot. My wallet cries... a lot.
So, to sum it up, I'm not expecting "the answer" I guess from anyone. Maybe, I'm hoping a little of "I know what your going though" and some "here are some things that helped us...." would be a little icing on the cake.
Thanks for the vent.
Lost in NC

tudorose 09-01-20 07:22 AM

Re: Dealing with Destruction
The joys... my HFA/ADHD son used to cycle through stealing, lying and destruction of property. We ended up making him pay for the damage. Whether that be financially or via way of chores. I don't have fond memories of those times.

Basically consequences of actions is the only thing that worked

It will end eventually.

sarahsweets 09-01-20 12:58 PM

Re: Dealing with Destruction
How old is your son? Have you ever looked into sensory processing disorder? Has your child been evaluated to see if he is on the spectrum?

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