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Drogheda98 08-28-20 11:50 PM

a real living my life update
yes a VERB as in "ing". or in my own way, starting the living of my life. also sorry mods for posting so mucdh, so many aha moments though

I want to do some self reflection first. what I understand to be austin and the the others in the subconcious of the dream where in fact some of my internal objects, and if somebody out there wants to correct me feel free, now the segway (meaning if anybody out there want to poss a different meaning go ahead while I make a best guess) I'm not perfect. Austin was, on a best guess basses, in my subconscious, My father, ever sense I've wanted to know em (uhh the not me Father better, GM is his initials)

about a week ago, I asked the people of quora, recalling " how do I make my own philosophy of living", I asked a psychologist, what I learned from the psychologist was, I make it and don't let others tell me what my own philosophy of life is, and nazu, you gave me that advice too the other day, so I'm not mixing up the timetables or people. in otherwords, I won't take oughts or shoulds nor give em. there was another guy who responded to my post via quora, he gave lots of oughts and shoulds (also some really weird food analogies which where pretty messed up), I discovered how to really contrast, I think because of my ability to contrast inner and outer and then apply that knowledge to living life, free will, free thought, no censorship, , empathy, the Anne rice dude(the not me) didn't chime in on any of those notions at that time.

that song I posted btw, is dedicated to Austin Sanders.

for about 5 years I made a promise to joel not to share much, not to do much and now I understand why, I don't care if anybody hears it, external approval doesn't mean much to me, however I do like criticism sometimes.

As far as Facebook, ehh, I'm not a fan, I haven't really written anything there for long time except "I made this, I did this, these are photo's I took at ..." and to talk with RL friends which I'm going to get an online camera set up so we(me and my rl friends) can chat without facebook, there is something about facebook that just seems fake, facebook, it is time not well invested that's for sure, that goes for me and others, you all out there.

I've been starting to treat myself fairly, the spirit of fair play has always been known to me, heh even in the band Austin and I would share the limelight, for some reason though it's always been difficult to treat myself fairly, to kick it into high gear when I need to, to slow down when I need, to not handicap myself off a cliff for others benefits, I know part of these thoughts are about "the COMPLEX" and really difficult to actually articulate

what I've started doing is dissolving some ego. I've said before "I'm smart", well no need for me to actually say as such on my part, I contain the faculty of "smartness". hurray me!! heh, I can be so dumb at the same time though, I mean, it's taken a long time to get some basics , I knew einstiens theories (not just recently, talking ten years ago) before some of these basics.

for the past 2 and a half or so weeks, I've been self reflecting in my head, being silent exteriorly (I might of made up a word) and I'm not confusing the what I'm typing now for in my head for a better personal internal locus and a better tomorrow., I've also been starting to add some of my own rules based on the philosophy of life based on but not directly relating to the song I wrote

as far as the process goes, the introject on A, the Ego on B and the it on C and it worked, that is directed at Me, I know no other way to say that(as far as the process goes) except pre-reflection. also to seperate the phenominal "Me" and the phenominal "I", cause now I can finnaly start being 100% for Me, and give it My all.

so here are some (I've allready self reflected these rules) general ground rules rules about philosophy of living. you don't take from others, your life is your own, you need to make your life about you, not me, not for others, they come later.

ok ya, I do have a question, and this is directed at any of you out there, if we "as in individual people" are Subjects and the king is nobody (or as far as I know the spiritual element), what are subjects in, lets say collage , shouldn't they be called topics of knowledge?

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