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-   -   I'm feeling more like who I really am. (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=195059)

Drogheda98 05-31-19 05:26 PM

I'm feeling more like who I really am.
 
hello all of you wonderful people on the adhd boards, and I say that cause you all have put up with me.

first, I want to start this post with an, a priori statment that pretty much sums up the entire human condition as far as individuals are concerned, which we all are.

we are all the same in that we are all different, with different strengths, weaknesses, feelings elicited from behavior, wants, dreams, desires, aspirations and so on and so forth.

we are all of equal value, we are all priceless and that is the way that we are all perfect, cause we are all human beings. their are only a couple of references I ever even use the term perfect anymore.

shew, not only am I starting to like myself way more, I'm starting to trust myself which was, a huge wound for me, introject which is a weird process in it's own right(to agree or disagree with any past projections that pop up, or agree or disagree with others), all of these things were precluded by transference which again, was weird for me, attainment of a reflexive ego which, as I understand, is somewhat of a milestone.

I got a 90% in public speaking in pbl state competition, ya I'm bringing that up again cause I need to process exactly what that means, and I think doing so in front of you people of the adhd boards that understand how pshychology by it's own right is somewhat weird, instead of people on facebook who would probably veiw me as nutso, is probably for the best.

well, for one, I don't need to be shy anymore, I know I have a good speaking voice, am somewhat of a wordsmith, however, I know how to actively listen, through active listening (thanks my science professor who isn't on the boards, heh), and with reflexive ego not only do I know who I'm talking about(especially with the mental identifier from therapy, or "this and that, only attained by myself through resolution of the complex), I can understand them, and agree or disagree (which is basically what reflexive ego is from what I undertand)

I like watching Jordan Peterson, and something he said, which I'll quote, then reflexively, introspectively do my thing, is " you have withen you a counter that is in your brain that indicates to you just how well you are doing" , I believe he was referring to, well for me anyway, that 90% I got and going to nationals. ever sense I've felt good, and now I know the psychological reason

anyway, thanks to whoever read my post, as always, any thoughts is always appreciated.

Drogheda98 05-31-19 10:34 PM

Re: I'm feeling more like who I really am.
 
I just figured out something else about myself from rereading what I wrote, especially the last bit.

"as always, any thoughts is always appreciated."

first, I need to put more thought in what I do. especially to counteract laziness. concise though.

second, I think I wrote that because, well, knowing the state of my family, all of my thoughts usually go out to them and something just dawned on me from what my therapist said to me "the people paying the bill really don't know me"

he said that before, when I was way less aware of who I am, not I understand what he said, and why I wrote the "any thoughts is(should be are) appreciated.

also earlier, on a walk, I said to myself, and I'm relating to you all on the boards who read what I'm saying, and I said this to myself after reading an article about planning, like "I'll do such and such and that is a plan", the article was about how stuff get's loged in the brain and clutters our thinking, and I remember saying "I want whatever process that is going on in my brain that is hogging up all my memory to stop, get on it unconscious"

well, I'm not unconscious however, I think it worked it's particular magic.

thus, the reason I invited any positive thoughts directed at me is because, well, in my family, I don't get any thoughts directed at me, just constantly told what to do. the thing that is great about me, the only thing that is great about me is my empathy towards others, through therapy I found that out, especially the watershed moment. and while I still have empathy for others, I can hold others in my heart so to speak, I think it's time to focus that empathy inwards as well.

and to finally, completely and fully, care (as in all the good connotations of care) for myself, and to think of, what is best for myself, for a change.


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