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-   -   How do you stop caring about what others think of you? (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=192342)

Fuzzy12 07-10-18 06:58 PM

How do you stop caring about what others think of you?
 
How??

LyrinMeow 07-11-18 04:12 AM

Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?
 
I think a large part is being comfortable and accepting with yourself. If you are looking for validation from other people you are going to care what they think. I don't use other people, words or actions, to judge my own self worth.

And stop comparing yourself to other people. There will always be someone better or smarter than you are. Accept yourself as you are and improve yourself whenever you can.

A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms.

― Zen Shin

Fraser_0762 07-11-18 06:52 AM

Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzy12 (Post 1999781)
How??


You just stop caring. Most of the time, people aren't thinking what you think they're thinking about you. Anxiety makes you believe that people are thinking about you in a negative way, even if it's more than likely that they're not.


Most people just don't care enough to have big opinions about somebody else. Those who do have big opinions about you are the one's who care about you enough to do so.

Fraser_0762 07-11-18 06:52 AM

Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by LyrinMeow (Post 1999808)
A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms.

― Zen Shin


Oh, i'm stealing this one. :)

tudorose 07-11-18 07:01 AM

Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?
 
I wonder if the lack of responses means that most of us don't know. I wush I knew the answer to this too

Fuzzy12 07-11-18 07:39 AM

Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by LyrinMeow (Post 1999808)
I think a large part is being comfortable and accepting with yourself. If you are looking for validation from other people you are going to care what they think. I don't use other people, words or actions, to judge my own self worth.

And stop comparing yourself to other people. There will always be someone better or smarter than you are. Accept yourself as you are and improve yourself whenever you can.

A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms.

― Zen Shin

Yes, I think a large part of it is that: my lack of self acceptance and confidence. I always feel wrong and guilty. E.g. I'm struggling to talk to people at work even though I know I need to advance the project because I think I'm disturbing or interrupting them or my question or request is stupid, etc. Or i think they just don't like me and wouldn't want to talk to me.

I need to stop seeking validation from others but I'm not sure how. I'm not sure how to accept myself or how to not feel inadequate. Even now I'm ashamed of writing that because it sounds so stupid and needy. Inspite of this being the place where I feel more at home than anywhere else.

Fuzzy12 07-11-18 07:42 AM

Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 (Post 1999809)
You just stop caring. Most of the time, people aren't thinking what you think they're thinking about you. Anxiety makes you believe that people are thinking about you in a negative way, even if it's more than likely that they're not.


Most people just don't care enough to have big opinions about somebody else. Those who do have big opinions about you are the one's who care about you enough to do so.

I know. I try to remind myself that I used to feel.similar (though not this strongly) at my last job as well and it was only when I left that I realised how much people actually liked me.

I guess I'd like to bypass the need though to be liked or appreciated of or even to be approved of. It would make my life so much easier.

Fuzzy12 07-11-18 07:43 AM

Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by tudorose (Post 1999811)
I wonder if the lack of responses means that most of us don't know. I wush I knew the answer to this too

Thanks I was starting to worry that maybe this is not a problem for anyone else and that it's just one of these things that comes naturally to other people so they can't explain how to do it.

Fraser_0762 07-11-18 07:44 AM

Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzy12 (Post 1999813)
I know. I try to remind myself that I used to feel.similar (though not this strongly) at my last job as well and it was only when I left that I realised how much people actually liked me.

I guess I'd like to bypass the need though to be liked or appreciated of or even to be approved of. It would make my life so much easier.


You bypass it by liking, appreciating and approving of yourself. The only person you require validition from is yourself. If you do that, you'll find it doesn't matter what you think other people think about you, because they aren't the one's living your life.

Fuzzy12 07-11-18 07:50 AM

Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 (Post 1999815)
You bypass it by liking, appreciating and approving of yourself. The only person you require validition from is yourself. If you do that, you'll find it doesn't matter what you think other people think about you, because they aren't the one's living your life.

Yes..but how? :D

I know that's all true objectively but I've got no idea how to put it into practice or how to change my feelings.

Little Missy 07-11-18 07:54 AM

Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzy12 (Post 1999816)
Yes..but how? :D

I know that's all true objectively but I've got no idea how to put it into practice or how to change my feelings.

Find it in the music.

Fraser_0762 07-11-18 07:55 AM

Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzy12 (Post 1999816)
Yes..but how? :D

I know that's all true objectively but I've got no idea how to put it into practice or how to change my feelings.


When you get up in the morning and you look in the mirror. You're looking at your best friend. If you're not seeing your best friend, then you need to ask yourself why she's not your best friend and what can be done to address it.


There is no "how". You simply allow it to happen effortlessly.

TygerSan 07-11-18 12:34 PM

Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?
 
I wish I knew the answer :(

There are days my anxiety gets the best of me and all I can do is replay the stupid things I've done and said to everyone.

I wouldn't recommend this as a cure, but one thing that did help with my constant need for validation and/or approval was working for someone whose approval never came. Ever. It took longer than it should've, but after a long string of impossible demands, I got to the point where my give a **** didn't give a **** anymore.

Even years later, I still have much less of a "how can I help you succeed" reflex than I used to. I learned how to put myself first and say no when other people couldn't or wouldn't. Not being able to play political games well probably worked to my disadvantage, but, eh. . . whatever.

tudorose 07-11-18 07:54 PM

Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?
 
My husband reckons it's about accepting yourself. Again... an abstract concept :(

Greyhound1 07-11-18 09:40 PM

Re: How do you stop caring about what others think of you?
 
I greatly care what others think of me. I can get anxious, ruminate and obsess over it. I continue to try and hope they think well of me to a point.

After enough anxiety and ruminating a switch finally flips and I get very defensive, self-protecting and angry. I get angry from all the negative self-induced feelings and thoughts I’ll have about what others think of me.

Once my anxiety switches to anger, I could care less about what they think of me. I tend to falsely believe they think very poorly of me and I’m done. After an honest attempt to make a good impression my feelings change to “if they don’t think well of me then F them”.

It’s not a good method “to not care” but that’s the progression I go through.


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