ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community

ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community (http://www.addforums.com/forums/index.php)
-   General ADD Talk (http://www.addforums.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=13)
-   -   Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=182577)

ginniebean 01-09-17 12:28 PM

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
 
I'm not sure if this had been brought up before or often on here but I was reading this article this morning on this subject.

Quote:

Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) is an extreme emotional sensitivity and emotional pain triggered by the perception – not necessarily the reality – that a person has been rejected, teased, or criticized by important people in their life. RSD may also be triggered by a sense of failure, or falling short – failing to meet either their own high standards or others’ expectations.
i found the fulk article here.

http://m.additudemag.com/?url=http%3...referrer=#2947

in the article it states that it manifests in 3 ways

Quote:

1. They become people pleasers.They scan every person they meet to figure out what that person admires and praises. Then, that’s the false self they present. Often this becomes such a dominating goal that they forget what they actually wanted from their own lives. They are too busy making sure other people aren’t displeased with them.

2. They stop trying.If there is the slightest possibility that a person might try something new and fail or fall short in front of anyone else, it’s just too painful and too risky to even consider. So, these people just don’t. These are the very bright, capable people who become the slackers of the world and do absolutely nothing with their lives because making any effort is so anxiety-provoking. They give up going on dates, applying for jobs, or speaking in meetings.

Some people use the pain of RSD to find adaptations and overachieve.They constantly work to be the best at what they do. Or, they are driven to be above criticism/reproach. They lead admirable lives, but at what cost? They strive for perfection, which is never attainable, and are constantly driven to achieve more.

i can attest to all of the above being part of my life.. The emotionally overwhelming enotions that make me feel like I'm walking into a loaded gun at times.

Having experienced bullying as both a child and an adult I have known that I am doing something to invite this but generally not knowing what. i'm different in that general amorphous way that has no clear shape or form is what I've told myself. Over time and years I have come to realise some of the things I've been doing that invite poor behaviour to me but sometimes it's like trying to look for something in a kalaidoscope except generally the images are horrible.

i remember reading etiquette books when I was younger so I could learn "all the rules" and i did mean all of them. the pain of being wrong somehow has been excruciating.

i have worked at over achieving and I am definitely a workaholic. I don't want to be, in many ways it's ruining my life and taking my life away from me.

One of the things mentioned in this article is that therapy does no good for RSD because the emotions hit so hard and fast that the mind and senses are overwhelmed.

I can attest to these triggers being overwhelming and immediate and beyond any ability to self calm or reason.

About 30 years ago I began a mindfulness practice that I continue to this day and i have tried veey specifically to use it for this and my success has been limited if any at all.

Adhd gives me problems but this RSD gives me such pain and ruins and interferes with my relationships. i can't be medicated for my adhd because of the severe side effects but maybe I could be medicated for this.

I realise this is a very tender topic, that for some, even to respond may be too much, and to those I feel ya and I'm so sorry you can't bring yourself to expose. For those who can, I am very interested in your thoughts and experiences.

finallyfound10 01-09-17 01:25 PM

Re: Rejection Sensotive Dysphoria
 
It has been brought here before and I believe that it is so important that it can't be brought up enough since it impacts so many of us! Do a search and you'll be amazed! I even have it in my signature as one of issues!!

I don't think that I've ever read any posts from people who have tried Clonidine or Intuiv and the other meds that are supposed to help it but I would LOVE to hear what people have to say about it! Perhaps these meds would work for you. They are also listed on the medication thread here.

If ONE has poor behavior and is treated poorly by those experiencing the poor behavior that isn't classic bullying, IMHO. It might be more tit for tat- unless the receiver of the poor behavior really overreacts and won't let it go and it gets out of hand then it could go into classic bullying.

Many ADHDers are bullied in classical and more covert ways and it's horrific. I have no real advice about it, unfortunately. I've experienced it before in social and work situations and it's happening now at work and one of the lower-level reasons that I need to find a new job.

Greyhound1 01-09-17 01:33 PM

Re: Rejection Sensotive Dysphoria
 
Wow Ginnie,
That really hits home, I can relate so well to this. I am now anxious to try guanfacine and clonidine. Anti-depressants, anti-anxiety and stimulant medications have offered little to no help with this.

Thanks for posting!

Fraser_0762 01-09-17 01:55 PM

Re: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
 
With the exception of very close family members, I feel completely rejected by everybody else that i've ever came across. It's got to a point now where I don't even try to make real friends anymore. I've excepted that isolation is going to forever be a huge part of my life.

Edit: It's not just making friends though. I fear i'm going to be rejected in just about any social situation, or any situation where I step outside my comfort zone.

Thank you for bringing this to my attention ginniebean. Reading about how it effects peoples lives is like reading my own life story. Capable, but too afraid to try out of the fear of rejection.

Greyhound1 01-09-17 03:07 PM

Re: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
 
Do other experts of ADHD believe in RSD and support Dr. Dodson? I can't find any other info on it that's not attributed to him.

Does anyone know Dr. Barkley's take on RSD?

Fraser_0762 01-09-17 03:17 PM

Re: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Greyhound1 (Post 1862431)
Do other experts of ADHD believe in RSD and support Dr. Dodson? I can't find any other info on it that's not attributed to him.

Does anyone know Dr. Barkley's take on RSD?

Dr Barkley talks about emotional dysregulation and how it is often overlooked in people with ADHD.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-QC4voqmRg

It seems to be an issue that the DSM over looks and something that's certainly worth taking greater consideration over.

dvdnvwls 01-09-17 04:59 PM

Re: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
 
Reading etiquette books and eagerly/desperately learning the contents step by step one at a time, and struggling to remember them all because they don't make sense, can possibly sometimes link with autism, where understanding others' motivations "in real time" is difficult or impossible.

ginniebean 01-09-17 05:01 PM

Re: Rejection Sensotive Dysphoria
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by finallyfound10 (Post 1862423)
It has been brought here before and I believe that it is so important that it can't be brought up enough since it impacts so many of us! Do a search and you'll be amazed! I even have it in my signature as one of issues!!

I don't think that I've ever read any posts from people who have tried Clonidine or Intuiv and the other meds that are supposed to help it but I would LOVE to hear what people have to say about it! Perhaps these meds would work for you. They are also listed on the medication thread here.

If ONE has poor behavior and is treated poorly by those experiencing the poor behavior that isn't classic bullying, IMHO. It might be more tit for tat- unless the receiver of the poor behavior really overreacts and won't let it go and it gets out of hand then it could go into classic bullying.

Many ADHDers are bullied in classical and more covert ways and it's horrific. I have no real advice about it, unfortunately. I've experienced it before in social and work situations and it's happening now at work and one of the lower-level reasons that I need to find a new job.

i am so sorrt to hear of your ongoing difficulties
i think a lot more of us have this issue but the painfulness of even admitting it, which has surely been true for me is perhaps the hardest part k

ginniebean 01-09-17 05:02 PM

Re: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Greyhound1 (Post 1862431)
Do other experts of ADHD believe in RSD and support Dr. Dodson? I can't find any other info on it that's not attributed to him.

Does anyone know Dr. Barkley's take on RSD?

Omg! You mean this might even not be recognised? i think my heart just hit the floor. i will have to look around and see what I can find. Additude magazine printed it but.. A one off? i so hope not

ginniebean 01-09-17 05:07 PM

Re: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 (Post 1862426)
With the exception of very close family members, I feel completely rejected by everybody else that i've ever came across. It's got to a point now where I don't even try to make real friends anymore. I've excepted that isolation is going to forever be a huge part of my life.

Edit: It's not just making friends though. I fear i'm going to be rejected in just about any social situation, or any situation where I step outside my comfort zone.

Thank you for bringing this to my attention ginniebean. Reading about how it effects peoples lives is like reading my own life story. Capable, but too afraid to try out of the fear of rejection.

i know how tragic those feelings are Fraser. The isolation, rage and pain invilved.
.I have always felt a kinship with you. We both speak from the hip, and have a lot of mannerisms in common. i've always felt very affectionately about you for this reason.

I hope you know there are people, at least on here who think you're quite wonderful.

ginniebean 01-09-17 05:09 PM

Re: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by dvdnvwls (Post 1862461)
Reading etiquette books and eagerly/desperately learning the contents step by step one at a time, and struggling to remember them all because they don't make sense, can possibly sometimes link with autism, where understanding others' motivations "in real time" is difficult or impossible.

yes David, it's all a big mix in my mind. it's very likely I'm an assburger i hope i didn't spell that stupid. i read up how it shows in women and i definitely fit that profile. i can be very ruke oriented, it would be so much nicer if ine could know all the rules but I just don't think this teeming mass of humanity is as rule needing as I am.

Fraser_0762 01-09-17 05:10 PM

Re: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by ginniebean (Post 1862467)
i know how tragic those feelings are Fraser. The isolation, rage and pain invilved.
.I have always felt a kinship with you. We both speak from the hip, and have a lot of mannerisms in common. i've always felt very affectionately about you for this reason.

I hope you know there are people, at least on here who think you're quite wonderful.

Thanks ginniebean. Likewise. We have a lot in common, plus we're just that extra bit special because of the hair. ;)

We could rule the world together if we put our minds together. :)

Did I say rule?... :scratch: I err, meant destroy.

ginniebean 01-09-17 05:11 PM

Re: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
 
And so we destroy!!!!! :)

finallyfound10 01-10-17 03:03 AM

Re: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 (Post 1862435)
Dr Barkley talks about emotional dysregulation and how it is often overlooked in people with ADHD.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-QC4voqmRg

It seems to be an issue that the DSM over looks and something that's certainly worth taking greater consideration over.

RSD is less a physical outburst than it is a verbal outburst when it's the rage part being activated rather than the emotional part according to Dodson.

I'm not saying that Barkley is wrong but maybe RSD doesn't affect the anterior cingulate like what he's talking about.

http://www.dodsonadhdcenter.com/reje...ive-dysphoria/

BellaVita 01-10-17 03:26 AM

Re: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by ginniebean (Post 1862468)
yes David, it's all a big mix in my mind. it's very likely I'm an assburger i hope i didn't spell that stupid. i read up how it shows in women and i definitely fit that profile. i can be very ruke oriented, it would be so much nicer if ine could know all the rules but I just don't think this teeming mass of humanity is as rule needing as I am.

I spent a good majority of my life reading books on body language and social rules, as well as researching online about body language and social rules and what the right behaviors are and what they all mean, as well as reading books on learning facial expressions. You wouldn't believe how much time I have put into all of that throughout the years. I guess it was my way of coping – I desperately tried to learn how to fit in socially – before discovering I have autism.

I have spent so much of my life studying all of that, and sometimes I can pull off appearing to be almost NT for like a couple minutes( I mean literally only a couple minutes), but it's an impossible task and people always see through that I am different. All of the studying in the world has still not helped me to fit in with most people.

The scripting and trying to make sure I'm doing the right body language and trying to understand the other person's tone of voice and facial expressions all at once while at the same time being clueless of what the other person might be thinking or feeling in real time is absolutely draining.


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:07 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) 2003 - 2015 ADD Forums