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-   -   A ramble for tonight (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=191964)

Rimalucy 06-07-18 11:45 PM

A ramble for tonight
 
Hi - joined last year, did one post and left... not my smartest move, but... it's pretty late where I live (with cat :) and I'm sick of being in my own head, so thought I'd at least put some blather here. I'm 74, and the older I get the more pronounced my HD (no ADD) seems to get, or maybe just my awareness of it (something foreign of course til I'd even heard of it ? 30 yrs ago) along with common co-morbids (apnea + 1-2 others).

Was initially given Ritalin but quit almost right away tho' can't remember why. Now have a script for dex but only take little bits when I have to relax... and it really works well, but also makes my hair fall out - as does any of the other usual meds). I only take it rarely (1 cap or half cap weeks or even months apart). If anyone has a fix for the hair thing, please let me know.:o. Don't drink to speak of, only smoke a few cigs so full of (deliberate) pinholes they might as well be air :umm1:) and graze all day (wt. ok) on quite nutritious stuff - pretty knowledgable re food and luckily like good stuff, tho' a chocaholic.

I realize now my life has always been affected by HD (+ possibly maybe a very little overlap on the spectrum), which is how I ended up where I am... and it sounds pathetic (dumb, etc) to me, except I'm so alone now that I (hugely independent always) think I should make at least a little connection here for now. By 'alone' I mean that I kicked out my ex of 34 yrs just prior to getting old age pension at 65 (again, stupid timing, but I'm only sorry I didn't do it earlier). No children, fair no. of animals, lots of plants, plus only relative (terrific bro.) lives far away and having only been 'here' a few yrs (didn't want to stay 'there') I'm a newbie, never a social bug anyway,1-2 issues keep me from joining (by choice) local 'ladies' groups - never my thing anyhow - and have pretty much given up finding work - small city, v. diff. from metropolises I grew up and worked in til age 50, so only so much happening, but a compromise between recent more rural life of 20 yrs (unsuitable for oldies on their own) and way too expensive return to big cities.

Made incredibly stupid goofs - basically signing off on spousal support - didn't realize I was doing it at the time and now too late to legally change, plus didn't get legal or personal advice - so now stuck on truly inadequate gov't pension, resulting in no life at all, just my Mac, TV, cat + little Honda Fit. And I'm trying hard to figure out what the point is aside from the cat (he's 11 and splendiferous).

Well, this is way too long... hope you're not crosseyed if you did plow through, but wanted to cover basics. Sort of dumping I suppose, not something I normally do, but as I said, I'm so tired of my own 'voice' even with self help CBT. Thanks for the 'forum' to put it in!

Lunacie 06-08-18 01:12 PM

Re: A ramble for tonight
 
Hello, nice to meet someone else in my age group.

Sorry you've got things so tough.

My ex didn't give me any spousal support, but he died just one year after

the divorce was final and his life insurance and social security both came to me

instead of going to his mistress. Oh yeah, she tried to claim them. :umm1:

I learned I have adhd after getting my grandkids diagnosed.

No diagnosis for ASD but I'm sure I'm on the spectrum like my youngest grand.

Rimalucy 06-08-18 01:45 PM

Re: A ramble for tonight
 
Glad I'm not alone :), but can't imagine the shambles my life would be if I did have ADD on top of the other... I think you're all amazing to have managed with it!

Lunacie 06-08-18 01:58 PM

Re: A ramble for tonight
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Rimalucy (Post 1997231)
Glad I'm not alone :), but can't imagine the shambles my life would be if I did have ADD on top of the other... I think you're all amazing to have managed with it!

Managed isn't the word I'd use. Survived is what I did.

There was no diagnosis, therefore no understanding or support for years.

It wasn't until after the divorce when my also-divorced daughter and I were

living together and co-parenting her kids, and she's been very supportive.

I can't imagine how lonely I'd be without her and the kids.

I'm so grateful for the support and friendship I've found on this forum. :grouphug:

allesandro1 06-21-18 11:07 PM

Re: A ramble for tonight
 
That was incredibly honest and also helpful. I'm in a similar situation except I'm 62, and living on disability and in a big, expensive city. Recently tried to return to work, but was unable to. Cannot tolerate Adderall anymore than one tablet maximum, so cognitively I just don't have the ability to face a full day of being on task and navigating complicated computer systems that require remembering stuff I just can't remember. So, I could still probably get hired doing something but emotionally I couldn't go through again what I went through last September when I started a job that lasted six months, and ended just feeling horrible about myself. I didn't intend for the ending to get ugly, but my boss left me no choice. I simply couldn't take it anymore.
So, although I have savings and investments, I'm living quite a spartan lifestyle and feel like I'm going to have to get at least a part time job if I'm going to have more than what amounts to a comfortable existence.
I have a great deal of anxiety about this, and at the same time I'm feeling very bored and lonely.

Rimalucy 06-22-18 02:13 AM

Re: A ramble for tonight
 
Hi, don't know why, but my first thought on seeing your note was the possibility (not knowing more about you otherwise) of your finding some volunteer gig with potential to eventually get paid, though I suppose those are few and far between. Have you ever had career counselling (maybe the local U. might have it free) that could point you to something other than computer based work - even if not what you'd normally do or feel compatible with but that would let you have some space to be 'you' without consequences? I know, it's easy to tell others what to do :o, but I feel bad for you (too). Funny thing is that I spent my life working for doctors - so many of them neurologists - but no one then was looking to tweak whatever neurons etc. might have helped us, however amazing what they did do was - but certainly gave me a place to be endlessly busy/speedy, if with occasional run-ins on a personal level. I'm way past the time/age now though (and in this smaller city) where I could get hired again in a similar situation, and probably couldn't do 40 hr wks any more, but I do miss the action of big teaching hospitals. Write more and let us know how things go, even if they don't.


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