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LyrinMeow 06-13-18 06:15 PM

14 year old boys
So I'm wondering if anyone has any idea how to get a 14 year old boy to be less 14 year old boyish. He has autism and ADHD. Not currently taking meds. He's sits around like a lump on a log. He'll come out of his room occasionally and we'll have a short conversation or I'll ask him to do something. Otherwise it's just log.

He loves computers and video games. He likes to create levels or build things in sandbox modes. He wants to be a programmer. I do talk to him about my job and he does seem interested in that.

But he won't DO anything. "Here, free choice of classes at the fine arts academy." "Nah." "Want to take a hike?" "Nah" "Ok we are going to a birthday party." He sits off on his own playing games and ignore the other kids. He was mostly interested in the idea of free food. So even when I make him do something he doesn't actually *do* anything.

I mean, I was glad he didn't really talk to people because I didn't want to have to talk to people either. But we are supposed to be trying to go beyond my personal stubborn limits.

Am I destined to be trying to fit a square peg into a round hole until he gets older? He does art class and robotics class when school is in but he becomes more log like in the summer months. But beyond that he doesn't want much to do with mom. Or the outside world.

I've been watching veeeery closely for signs of depression or mood swings with a bipolar mom in the picture. So far have no signs. He's actually extremely positive for the most part.

Disclaimer: this is my one and only child. I have no basis of reference.

But is there a way to get a 14 year old boy to come out of his shell and do something? I know he wouldn't do well at like a camp facility. Maybe an overnight camp but I'd have to be on call.

But even things for us to do. Like go to the arts museum. He didn't seem very happy about that one but I still want to go. Got some stirring from him a the science museum. He does like the zoo. But you can only go so many times.

And come kayaking with me? Forget it. You get hot, sweaty, the sun is too bright (light sensetivity) and he has bad balance. I was hoping to get him to try a lake paddle where you don't have to really go anywhere. Or the river I was on where you could stand up in it.

I don't know I'm just trying to come up with interesting things to do to spend time with him and bond with him. Any previously 14 year old boys have any tips?

Fraser_0762 06-13-18 06:52 PM

Re: 14 year old boys
Yep, sounds like me when I was 14. At nearly twice the age now, can't say i've really changed much. But hey, i'm still here!

Try looking at it this way. He could be out and about causing trouble, getting mixed up with the wrong crowds, taking substances, breaking laws... etc.

He seems like someone who just likes to keep to himself and there isn't much wrong with that. Some people are just like that. He's more than likely glued to the internet and finds it easier to communicate with people behind a screen, rather than in person where more subtile social cues are involved.

Social interactions can be overwhelming and exhausting with autism, because it requires so much more effort to try and read inbetween the lines, when it comes so much more naturally to most people.

On a more positive note, he has an idea about what he wants to do as a profession when he's old enough to work. Perhaps see if there are any programming courses in your area for young people. It could be a good opportunity for him to meet some like minded people and pick up skills early.

CharlesH 06-13-18 08:17 PM

Re: 14 year old boys

Originally Posted by LyrinMeow (Post 1997646)
He loves computers and video games. He likes to create levels or build things in sandbox modes. He wants to be a programmer. I do talk to him about my job and he does seem interested in that.

Is there some way that you could help him channel this interest into a productive outlet? If he could get some real world experience, then he'd have a better idea of whether he wants to keep pursuing it. He might find out that he actually dislikes it. Or maybe he'll love it, and maybe it'll even encourage him to develop more social skills so that he can collaborate with other programers.

Also, speaking generally, teenage boys want to hang out with other teenager boys (not with their parent). In fact, teenagers are evolutionarily programmed to feel disgust towards their parents.

stef 06-14-18 12:24 AM

Re: 14 year old boys
That's just not an easy age, because you can't just bring him to some generic Kid's Activity anymore, and he can't go on outing on his own if it's not nearby.

(actually I hated those, because of course there were other parents and i had to "pretend to be normal and know what I was doing" and be sure also get on the right bus, leave on time etc.)

what about going to see a movie? an outing with not too much interaction, in a nice, cozy place. we really enjoyed those and we still like to watch a good film. He must have been 9 or 10 when star wars, with anakin as a kid and the pod racing, came out, i said to him afterwards, "oh don't go off and become a jedi!" one of my classic "wtf, mom?" moments...

we both love watching sports. if you have some shared interest even watching tv can be bonding. I spent many happy hours watching Dragon Ball, i ended up really liking it. If you don't like chic flic kinds of things, it's very cool having a son :)

Caco3girl 06-14-18 01:52 PM

Re: 14 year old boys
When my son was 14 he had what is called brain fog. I often waved my hand in front of his face, he wasn't really there. The medication helped a LOT with that, but so did age. He didn't "get" his peers, they were into different things than him.

Being Autistic, not sure you weren't already dealing with a square peg round hole situation.

foreverbeach11 06-15-18 10:27 PM

Re: 14 year old boys
Teenage years can be really tough. Your doing a good job trying to get your son out of the house. Have you thought about asking him what he would like to do? I know he likes the computer and video games. Have you considered maybe going to a local store or gaming store and let him show you some computers or games? He liked the zoo and the science museum. I know kids can do the same thing over and over again and still enjoy it. For example, they can watch the same movie hundreds of times and still enjoy it. If he enjoys the zoo and the science museum, maybe that is the way to get him out of the house. I know it can become monotonous but it may be a good starting point for getting out of the house and he enjoys it. The best to you.

LyrinMeow 06-16-18 02:47 PM

Re: 14 year old boys
He's got a programming class next year in high school I believe. And like I said he is interested in hearing what I do at work.

It isn't so much that I want him to be social I just want him to do things and enjoy doing them. I'm not terribly social but I'm active.

He does have friends he communicate with through text but he's never asked to go to their houses or to have them come here. He's not even shunning me for kids his own age lol.

He's not a big fan of movies but I'll check with him and show him what's playing and see if he wants to go.

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