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-   -   Ran out of hope....need help (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=184242)

Jday9502 03-17-17 11:16 PM

Ran out of hope....need help
 
So to state my problem I think I need to provide some history.

I was born into a family with little to no support to teach me how to go through life. My Dad was always at work and never had time for me and my mom was always under some medication that her doctors swore she needed. whenever they did pay attention to me it was usually to tell me how lazy or naughty I was.So I taught myself how to do things pretty much and you can imagine how well that went.
At first I was home schooled with nobody to talk to other than my sisters and brothers. than in 8th grade the state required that I be enrolled in public school (because obviously a kid with ADD can only do his homework for so long by himself). all through the rest of school I was lucky if I said more then 10 words a day and I never had good grades either (it wasn't all bad though, I was involved in activities outside of school and I made some friends there).
After barely Graduating I moved out and have been working jobs I hate ever since. I always thought I was lazy (because most people would be more than happy to let me know) until age 19 when my counselor told me I might struggle with it. it is when I was with him and out of a job for a month that I felt most happy because I felt like I had the time and support to do the things wanted or needed to do. But he moved and without him I have never been able to do taxes or pay bills or even to activities that I think I would enjoy like going to the gym or learning to make music. For the past three years I have pushed off friendships, family, college, anything fun or fulfilling, JUST so I could maybe buy some groceries or do some paperwork ect.

Now, after a week of being glued to my couch, playing video games and chugging Adderral, I looked back on all my years of fruitless efforts and how all my friends are now just acquaintances, and I realized every effort I have made to at least have some form of a descent life is just driving me to become the very man that I have hated all my life, my Dad, who also had terrible parents and a bad case of ADD.

Please, I don't know if there is any solution to this nightmare at all but I heard of people even going to the Olympics with ADD, so if you could help me at all I would be very grateful

sarahsweets 03-18-17 07:34 AM

Re: Ran out of hope....need help
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Jday9502 (Post 1937538)
So to state my problem I think I need to provide some history.

I was born into a family with little to no support to teach me how to go through life. My Dad was always at work and never had time for me and my mom was always under some medication that her doctors swore she needed. whenever they did pay attention to me it was usually to tell me how lazy or naughty I was.So I taught myself how to do things pretty much and you can imagine how well that went.

Im sorry it had to be this way for you. That must have been hard.


Quote:

After barely Graduating I moved out and have been working jobs I hate ever since. I always thought I was lazy (because most people would be more than happy to let me know) until age 19 when my counselor told me I might struggle with it. it is when I was with him and out of a job for a month that I felt most happy because I felt like I had the time and support to do the things wanted or needed to do. But he moved and without him I have never been able to do taxes or pay bills or even to activities that I think I would enjoy like going to the gym or learning to make music. For the past three years I have pushed off friendships, family, college, anything fun or fulfilling, JUST so I could maybe buy some groceries or do some paperwork ect.
It sounds like this person was a good counselor. Was he your therapist?

Quote:

Now, after a week of being glued to my couch, playing video games and chugging Adderral,
Can you elaborate on what this means?

Quote:

I looked back on all my years of fruitless efforts and how all my friends are now just acquaintances, and I realized every effort I have made to at least have some form of a descent life is just driving me to become the very man that I have hated all my life, my Dad, who also had terrible parents and a bad case of ADD.
You have to try and let go of that hate. It will eat you alive.

Quote:

Please, I don't know if there is any solution to this nightmare at all but I heard of people even going to the Olympics with ADD, so if you could help me at all I would be very grateful
Are you under a doctors' care? DO you have a therapist?How long have you been on meds?

fathom6 03-19-17 10:53 PM

Re: Ran out of hope....need help
 
Hi Jday, in my opinion, the solution may seem too cliche.

** POSITIVITY **

While I myself struggle with it, but we dont always have the luck to have caring parents who teach us the holistic of healthy living, teach us to be successful. True many Olympic champs have ADD, but they also have had the benefit of good parenting and sometimes even privileged upbringing. I would say:

- watch positive TV shows that are motivating ONLY. Cut down on all other kind of TV and video games.

- try to find friends who are very positive.

- use meds with caution, dont over-use them. Hope you find the best doctor that takes a holistic view of your situation.

- try to be not what your parents were. Learn a lesson from their failures, and turn around the chapter i.e. your next generation if/when you afford, i.e. your kids, to get the best parenting.

- be good to others, and those that wrong you ... develop a habit of ignoring them. Dont do it for them, do it for your own well-being.

Good luck on your journey. Life is precious, and often we dont realize.

TurtleBrain 03-20-17 02:41 AM

Re: Ran out of hope....need help
 
You need to start networking with a positive group of people in your community. Volunteer and you might find a better job. Remember, finding jobs is more about who you know than what you know.

If i had moved out of my parents house like you did, I would have turned videogaming into a youtube career a long time ago (but it's not for everyone and it's better to start with a conventional job).

We are social beings and we become like who we associate with. Find some good role models. They can help you discover your interests and turn that into a career you'll enjoy.

Jday9502 03-21-17 09:02 PM

Re: Ran out of hope....need help
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahsweets (Post 1937567)
Im sorry it had to be this way for you. That must have been hard.



It sounds like this person was a good counselor. Was he your therapist?

No, he was actually not even an official counselor. He was a student and because of that it meant he was cheap enough for me to afford but he also researched ADD a lot becuase he himself struggled with it

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahsweets (Post 1937567)
Can you elaborate on what this means?

I was off of work because of a huge snowfall in my area (I'm a landscaper) and this entire week I wanted to get something done but instead I just played video games while still taking my prescription of adderal. I just thought that medicine was suppose to help me but it hasn't.


Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahsweets (Post 1937567)
You have to try and let go of that hate. It will eat you alive.

I do still have some hate for my dad but it is getting better. I'm starting to realize that he's another human just like myself:/


Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahsweets (Post 1937567)
Are you under a doctors' care? DO you have a therapist?How long have you been on meds?

I am under a doctors care but i only meet with him once every 3 months and this past time i didn't visit because I didn't pay him. I have a counselor too but she doesnt understand ADD very well. She just thinks I dont want to do the homework she gives me. Ive been on 20 mg for almost a year although there was 2 months were I didnt take them because I never wanted to go to the pharmacy.

Thanks!

Lloyd_ 03-21-17 11:22 PM

Re: Ran out of hope....need help
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Jday9502 (Post 1937538)
So to state my problem I think I need to provide some history.

I was born into a family with little to no support to teach me how to go through life. My Dad was always at work and never had time for me and my mom was always under some medication that her doctors swore she needed. whenever they did pay attention to me it was usually to tell me how lazy or naughty I was.So I taught myself how to do things pretty much and you can imagine how well that went.
At first I was home schooled with nobody to talk to other than my sisters and brothers. than in 8th grade the state required that I be enrolled in public school (because obviously a kid with ADD can only do his homework for so long by himself). all through the rest of school I was lucky if I said more then 10 words a day and I never had good grades either (it wasn't all bad though, I was involved in activities outside of school and I made some friends there).
After barely Graduating I moved out and have been working jobs I hate ever since. I always thought I was lazy (because most people would be more than happy to let me know) until age 19 when my counselor told me I might struggle with it. it is when I was with him and out of a job for a month that I felt most happy because I felt like I had the time and support to do the things wanted or needed to do. But he moved and without him I have never been able to do taxes or pay bills or even to activities that I think I would enjoy like going to the gym or learning to make music. For the past three years I have pushed off friendships, family, college, anything fun or fulfilling, JUST so I could maybe buy some groceries or do some paperwork ect.

Now, after a week of being glued to my couch, playing video games and chugging Adderral, I looked back on all my years of fruitless efforts and how all my friends are now just acquaintances, and I realized every effort I have made to at least have some form of a descent life is just driving me to become the very man that I have hated all my life, my Dad, who also had terrible parents and a bad case of ADD.

Please, I don't know if there is any solution to this nightmare at all but I heard of people even going to the Olympics with ADD, so if you could help me at all I would be very grateful

I'm going through the same thing that you are and can relate to hating my Dad as well, I'm more angry at him for bringing me into this world moreso than being angry at him for being a screwup and not being a good rolemodel, it sucks that we have to go through this and at times such as now I really wish I was dead but the crazy ups and downs within my own personal life has made it by far an interesting one to say the least but idk for all the positives that it makes up for the bad because I hate being this way (ADD) and I'm probably this way because my brain is neurologically damaged similarly to a person with autism. The good news is that life is short and soon we'll be at death's door before we know it. :goodpost:


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