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-   -   I think I have figure out the core wound (well my core wound) (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=194553)

Drogheda98 03-02-19 12:00 AM

I think I have figure out the core wound (well my core wound)
 
while writing the notion, I'm treading lightly with the notion.

whenever I go my mother what I have noticed is I have to say I love her and not the otherway around. going through my memories I've always had to do this from what I remember.

it pains me to even think the notion that she is the core wound and why it's been so hard to actually love myself for myself, and why a wound like this could be the reason why projection has been my main way of communicating.

so I'm asking anyone here that has any knowledge on this kind of wound. I mean, I know I have adhd and it was probably pretty hard to mirror.... eh, am I making an excuse right there?

the only time I have any communication with her is watching tv shows now and then. however, I've slowly been saying no to her.

and I love her, don't get me wrong, as her son and nothing else (something I think I need to say to get the notion in my mind, I don't think she gave me any boundaries). I understand that narc abuse is generational and if this is the case, if this is the wound, I forgive her cause the knowledge I have gained about narc wounds.

and if it is the case, I'm glad that I have gone to a therapist to help me realize whats going on.

Drogheda98 03-02-19 12:41 AM

Re: I think I have figure out the core wound (well my core wound)
 
and well continue to do so (was getting ahead of myself), cause if I have figured out the core wound I think the real healing can actually begin and not me just spinning my wheels every other friday.

tudorose 03-02-19 05:59 AM

Re: I think I have figure out the core wound (well my core wound)
 
The hardest thing to come to terms with is accepting that she doesn't love you because she is incapable of love. That really really hurts. And it wasn't just her I've had to accept that about the rest of my family too. One sister only wants me around to be the scapegoat and the other one has always recruited me to stand up to the other one only to throw me under the bus continually. Then lately even last week the nephew in law and niece sent in as flying monkeys. How dare I leave and hurt everyone don't I know that I'm there to be their scapegoat? After all mother dear did say it was in God's plan for me to take everyone's abuse - yea that was really said.

You likely have no boundaries because you were raised not to. That would be too risky that you might develop a sense of self.

Do you really love her? How can you love someone who abused you? These are the questions I've had to ask myself about all my family members.

We all have choices. I could have become like them but I chose not to. Instead of making my niece the scapegoat when I could this taking the pressure off me I protected her. I took the abuse for her. I will never pass that on that generation crap stopped with me.

My sister is a chameleon. She lives in a polygamous harem. She tried to convince me I was gay. There's nothing wrong with being gay. It's just that I'm not gay. I'm not wired that way. Her identity adapts to whoever she wants to fit in with.

My other sister is a bully. She cannot live without a scapegoat. She's never matured.

There is no core wound mate
There are many wounds

I'm not trying to crush you here just trying to help you accelerate the process

1. She is incapable of loving you.
2. You need to go no contact
3. You may to go no contact with your entire family
4. You need to go no contact with anyone who is used by her as a flying monkeys.
5. If you can't go no contact yet you need to go grey rock.
6. You need to learn boundaries.
7. You need to let them go.
8. You need to get to a place where you don't feel love or hate for them. Just acceptance.
9. You need to protect yourself from hovering. Read Luke 173 ministries hovering 101 and no contact 101. On Google.
10. You need to accept that you cannot save any of them.

I'm still working on a lot of the above!!!!

Little Missy 03-02-19 09:56 AM

Re: I think I have figure out the core wound (well my core wound)
 
Shrinkipoo once told me, your mum and brother may love you, but they do no like you at all.

Drogheda98 03-02-19 10:23 AM

Re: I think I have figure out the core wound (well my core wound)
 
well, let me relate a bit of what happened at therapy last friday.

I was, had, no vitality. I got done projecting and my therapist asked me(him the therapist) if it was about him or them (heh didn't project).

I don't know, the therapist and everything just got clear. and he said "good to see me" and, even though I had no vitality, I knew that from what he said to me that it was time to get into gear, finnaly figure out bounderies, more about myself (and I'm having way more bubble up to the surface just writing that), how projection works (so I know how to, hear it , that's what I did in the other thread).

today (well yesterday) I've done nothing but what I know does it for me, in a leisurely way. I'm assuming that letting go of all the insecurity that I absorbed (guessing) is what made me have no vitality, and now I have some vitality (I'm actually feeling pretty good). allready (not in the thread but on a piece of paper)I've been able to right down some thoughts that have no reason to be in my head.

also, oddly enough, the end of last session was how I said "I have a calander on my wall" and I know that the metaphor for the pshyche is a walled up closure, utilizing a calander is a weakness of mine, something me and the therapist have talked about for a long time.

and what I'm asking you turdoise or any anyone else, should I ask her to say she loves me or not, in a parent to son way (that I'd probably only know about in my own noggin). or will it even matter if she does. (I'm not projecting I'm asking, heh, I don't know the answer so I'm asking others)

probably the most frightening question I can ask cause of how ridiculous the question sounds, hehe

tudorose 03-02-19 07:31 PM

Re: I think I have figure out the core wound (well my core wound)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Drogheda98 (Post 2015515)
and what I'm asking you turdoise or any anyone else, should I ask her to say she loves me or not, in a parent to son way (that I'd probably only know about in my own noggin). or will it even matter if she does. (I'm not projecting I'm asking, heh, I don't know the answer so I'm asking others)

probably the most frightening question I can ask cause of how ridiculous the question sounds, hehe

Absolutely not! Do you think you'll get an honest answer? My mother used to say she loved me all the time. It was not real. She doesn't know how to love and I knew it with every fibre of my being as far back as I remember. It took a long time to truly understand that her tossing me and my children away was not about me. This is hard to hear nd hard to come to terms with. You need to realise that you cannot have a real relationship with a narcissistic parents.

You need to get to the point where it doesn't matter whether she loves you or not. This is heartbreaking stuff. Except to cry buckets.


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