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peripatetic 05-10-11 08:45 AM memoriam
my sweet sunshine, eshy, who loved me boundlessly and unabashedly, is gone.

i started this thread because i want to talk about all of the wonderful things he was and alwasy will be to me. i believe others will want to post their memories well. i only ask for two thinigs:

1. eshy (eshkaronsengine/mellifluousmonk) hasn't been an active member here for a while. i request of anyone posting they make no statements on his membership status since discuussing moderator action is a a viollation

2. i'm going to give whatever info i feel like i have to share in this post. i'm not interested in answering questions, so please let me be for a bit:)

i already miss him *so* much and i know there's a part of me he took with hiim....because i gave it to him forever. and i'm so grateful he loved me enough to accept it. he trusted me to love him. i was his best friend and he was mine. he told me he'd never had a best friend...and i never really had either. in so many ways. we had *something*. i don't know what it was....? how do you describe trusting someone enough to let them love you....and believe that they'll never ignore, never dismiss...and always, always, always want to know *you*? maybe the best way to put it is that we wanted to trust and be trusted and be able to be all of the good and all of the bad, and never turn away from each other

he loved to communicate and he made me a lot of videos. i mean a lot overall...we do have a place to post videos we make for each other. he also made me more than half a dozen videos just before. he knew i'd be shocked that he didn't call. but he explained that he'd given his word to love me and to never set me up for failure and he wasn't going to let me spend the rest of my life thinking i coulda woulda shoulda. you wouldn't have that be our last time together. instead, on the videos,he told me the role i had in his life and the role he knew he had in mine and how much he appreciated that i not just allowed, but wanted him to occupy it with flourish. and he did know me, and what i'd want forever, he played our songs and he loked straight at the camera....and he twirled so i could always find him to twirl with me once again.

he was carpe diem YAP!!!!! yeah...he was all about that fecund moment,but we also spent double-digit amounts of time on facetime or phone or skype daily. we took each other everywhere. i took him to campus (i sneaked him into my lectures sometimes. he took me to several films. i was with him when he learned how to cook really tasty stuff--the one i thought looked tastiest was this apple pumpkin soup. he sang and played guitar for me and also the moonlight sonata on piano.

he got his busking license and he brought me along; my eshy played live music!!!!!! we watched movies together (the biggest accomplishment there was gangs of new york. that thing is, like three hours long or longerr. i'll admit it took us all day, but we watched that whole ****ing movie with (a few) breaks in there). but most of the time we'd just go through the day..morning coffee...battle it out on the games threads (pick ten to twelve threads and who could keep their usrename as last post in majority. i *spanked* him EVERY_TIME and i would have my name on every last one;) he beat me at every old school board we ever tried to play ....always.

and speaking of running around rampant, he LOVED playing acronym with danelady and julesjampot (who i don't even really know...but i remember it from a video and...she must be cool) and tinywiney. he found such joy in being that cheeky ball of fun, and often a sense of identity with abi and rebelyell. meadd was his yoda and he loved it:) bean...i can't even begin...but i'll start with saying that you sent him rumi and he was head over heels:) lavie, you let him reach out to you and he got to feel responsible. and sb_uk, he loved technology and nature and the zeitgeist and poetry, and he thought of you when he thought of potential combinations of those. and sarek, your friend request on facebook gave a smile on a day that ...*I* at least really needed one...and he appreciated your sincerity.

my eshy was intelligent and unique and talented and passionate and kind. i wish i had him here now and in my hear and forever in me..i do.

i love you eshy:)

*i want to say thank you to the following members who have been so especially wonderfully supportive of me: keith (you were a ****ing CHAMPION last night), apsj (you always are;)), abi, dtour, retro, sarek, geronimo and, of course, ginnie

tipoo 05-10-11 09:05 AM

Re: memoriam
I know you asked for no direct questions, and I apologize if I'm just dense here, but what do you mean by gone?

EYEFORGOT 05-10-11 09:11 AM

Re: memoriam
Oh hon. I'm so sorry sweetheart. If I could give you my shoulder I would. hugs.

peripatetic 05-10-11 09:26 AM

Re: memoriam
thank you, chel....i appreciate it.

peripatetic 05-10-11 09:26 AM

Re: memoriam

Originally Posted by tipoo (Post 1083230)
I know you asked for no direct questions, and I apologize if I'm just dense here, but what do you mean by gone?

in memoriam=deceased

tipoo 05-10-11 09:31 AM

Re: memoriam
So sorry. I had a friend who committed suicide this year, it's tough. We're all here for you. I only knew Esh briefly here, he seemed like a very funny guy who was always livening up the place.

ginniebean 05-10-11 09:52 AM

Re: memoriam
Eshy made me a video of himself reading Rumi. I'm glad I was able to share my love with him and today I will not be sad.

For you Esh, I'm reading it aloud.

~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~

Look and you will see my form
whether you are looking at yourself
or toward that noise and confusion.

Don't be blurry-eyed,
See me clearly-
See my beauty without the old eyes of delusion.

Awake! Awake!
Don't mistake me for this human form.
The soul is not obscured by forms.
Even if it were wrapped in a hundred folds of felt
the rays of the soul's light
would still shine through.

Beat the drum,
Follow the minstrels of the city.
It's a day of renewal
when every young man
walks boldly on the path of love.

Close your lips
and shine on the world
like loving sunlight.

Shine like the Sun of Tabriz rising in the East.
Shine like the star of victory.
Shine like the whole universe is yours!

I love you Esh.

stef 05-10-11 10:01 AM

Re: memoriam
Such a beautiful person, I would have so loved to meet him; this is devastating.

Blueranne 05-10-11 10:05 AM

Re: memoriam
My heart is literally pouring over with tears for you, for him, for everyone who loved him. I am searching for the right words and I can not find them.

Peri, please know that my thoughts are, and my heart is with you in this tragedy. Thank you for sharing with us your love for him.

Trooper Keith 05-10-11 10:10 AM

Re: memoriam

Originally Posted by Sartre
One is still what one is going to cease to be and already what one is going to become. One lives one's death, one dies one's life.

I write this not for your benefit, Peri, but for the benefit of others who might come along. Excuse me while I *******ize your philosophy in the tradition of my psychological colleagues.

We must always remember that it is death that gives meaning to life. That our lives are finite and our deaths are infinite, but "no finite point has meaning without an infinite reference point." What we do, how we choose to live our lives, reflects our character and defines who we are. Esh was a passionate person, who made his choices and found meaning where there is none. He was a bold man, befraught by facticity who made the best of the worst. He was a musician, and with his music he made people happy. His life was not wasted, and he lives on in each of us whom he touched and who will remember him in our hearts.

While we must not forget our sadness, we must not deny our despair at the passing of a friend, and while I cannot speak for anyone but myself: I choose not to mourn a death, but to celebrate a life. To that end, I see off our friend into eternity with a somber smile, remembering all the happiness he brought in his eyeblink on this planet.

peripatetic 05-10-11 11:17 AM

Re: memoriam
i uploaded a photo of my handsome eshy, just go to my profile page, in case some of you never got to see him.

i remember the day it was taken and which thread it corresponds to here on the forum. he had this incomparable light bursting out from him...and eyes that felt like home :)

Lunacie 05-10-11 11:20 AM

Re: memoriam
We gather on this day with sadness in our hearts. We are saddened because Eshy's life has ended; yet we must remember that although he has left this realm of the physical world and his body has terminated - his soul will live on.

All the parts that makes a person like Eshy unique and special, the parts we love and know to be the true individual - these parts will live on.

We must let your spirit go, Eshy. Stay no longer than you wish, O bright spirit; we give you our blessing to leave, for you await a new destiny.

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BouCoupDinkyDau 05-10-11 11:26 AM

Re: memoriam
I never really got to know him. He was a frakkin' whirlwind in here! He'd zip into a thread, post some insanity that would totally derail whatever was going on, then zip off to someplace else! LOL

If I remember correctly, we had I had one meaningful exchange about U2. We both agreed we hated Bono's politics, but thought he was really charismatic, and thought the band was the sh*t.

I always wonder about these kinds of things. You never know what happens to longtime members on forums when they suddenly just stop posting.

Well this sucks. I'd like to post some questions, but I'll respect the OP's original wishes.

Sorry esh, maybe I'll chat yah up in the next life--at the pace you fly though, I doubt I'll ever be able to catch you in there either! :D

peri, all I can do from this distance is throw you a big internet hug. I wish it was more. True friends are rarer and more valuable than gold, and it sounds like he loved the fact that you gave him one. It's one of the best gifts anyone can give another person, so you honor him both in life and death.

Dang. I was gonna go play around in Fun & Games, but now I don't feel like it anymore. Now I just want to go off and cry.

Nifferka 05-10-11 12:10 PM

Re: memoriam

Originally Posted by BouCoupDinkyDau (Post 1083340)
Now I just want to go off and cry.

I hate crying, and I'm doing it anyway.

I'm so sorry, peri.


I can't send you a hug big enough.

BouCoupDinkyDau 05-10-11 12:11 PM

Re: memoriam

Originally Posted by Nifferka (Post 1083382)
I hate crying, and I'm doing it anyway.

Yeah, me too. :(

This is BS.

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