ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community

ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community (http://www.addforums.com/forums/index.php)
-   Relationships & Social Issues (http://www.addforums.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=61)
-   -   (long rant)...Think my dad's dead to me. :( (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=189927)

psychopathetic 01-12-18 02:28 PM

(long rant)...Think my dad's dead to me. :(
 
My dad has left me. 550 miles away.
He didn't even give me a chance to go over to his house to pick any of my stuff up (had clothes, board games, toys, electronics...). He told me he was having my stuff put to the side...he told me he was going to clear the house out of his family (who was down helping him clean out his home for the move) so I could come down. No. He just threw most of it away.

He did take me to breakfast 2 days before he left. Then he told me he'd call me, and then come visit me at least 1 more time before he took off.
I never got that phone call or that visit. He just up and left...didn't decide to call me till he was with his family 550 miles away.

I get that's it's what he needed to do for himself. It's a good thing for him. He'll be surrounded by family and he'll be with his mother...and he wont have to work anymore (they'll take care of him, and he's attempting to get put on social security disability).

But dang. He left me completely screwwed.

He did leave me with his spare car. But it doesn't have updated/legal license plates...he kept telling me he'd go down and get new plates for me (I just got pulled over by a cop for it last week too and got a ticket. Hopefully I can talk the judge into lowering the $75 I owe /cry).
It also had a flat tire, and so now is using a thin/dinky spare tire I have no faith in. It's so thin and cheap that it feels like it's going to pop at any moment on me.

And I'm broke and barely able to just feed myself each month...let alone pay for plates and tickets and tires.

...he was also my back up plan if I ever got kicked out of my apartment. And it's a real possibility because I keep getting it so messy.

He was my financial support...I often helped him provide respite for a family with a couple of kids with needs...I'd watch the kids for him so that he could go take a nap...I also billed for him so he could get payed...
But I made him pay me $50 each month for the work I was putting into everything. It might not seem like much, but man...I've been leaning pretty hard on that $50 to get me through these last few months.

And I had no support systems set up in my town when he left. No therapist, no support group, no family, no friends. He's really the only person I had.
Which kinda sucked anyhow, cause I don't even like him all that much.
My love for him is deep...but I stopped liking him years ago. There's only so much give I can give.

And he's taking my daddy away from me.
I've already lost my mother. Now I'll never see my father again.
His heart is in BAD shape. I could've swore the doctor said it's only working at about 25% where it should be...but is that even possible? Can you live with such a weak heart?
And his track record for taking this stuff serious is not good. With taking all his meds like he should, and doing all the physical therapy, and the relaxing...the seeing the doctors...eating healthy, and etc. etc. He's stuborn just as I am, and neither of us listen and take our health serious like we should.

He's broken my heart guys. :(

I've been his son for 34+ years...and he's turning his back on me like this? I knew he was going to move...I agreed and encouraged it. I know it's the right thing for him.
I just didn't expect for him to do it so sudden like this without giving me time to process. I didn't know it was going to be so abrupt and so selfish on his part.

And it hurts...
Cause I know if I called him just now, he wouldn't have a clue that he's hurt me at all. If I brought it up to him, he'd acted shocked and very likely mock me for being so overly sensitive. He'd find a way to make it out to be my fault and bring everything back around to his own self and how miserable he was.

I'm broken.

I got very sick physically yesterday. Spent a good long time in the bathroom letting it all out. Slept.

I'm always so tired and I feel so physically beaten up. My joints and my bones. And I don't think it's a physical sickness at all. I just think I'm crushed by the way my dad's done things.

I think my dad is dead to me.

I lost my mother in may.
I've lost my father in early 2018.

.../sigh.

namazu 01-12-18 02:32 PM

Re: (long rant)...Think my dad's dead to me. :(
 
Man, that's rough. I don't know what to say.

:grouphug:

Lunacie 01-12-18 03:10 PM

Re: (long rant)...Think my dad's dead to me. :(
 
Stress like this can be very hard on us, mentally, emotionally and physically.
It can even cause very real heart problems, so it's accurate to call it "broken
heart syndrome."

I hope you can find some support and help. I wish I could do more. :grouphug:

midnightstar 01-12-18 03:30 PM

Re: (long rant)...Think my dad's dead to me. :(
 
I wish I could do more than just leave :grouphug:s here for you, psycho :grouphug:

Unmanagable 01-12-18 03:41 PM

Re: (long rant)...Think my dad's dead to me. :(
 
(((Hugs)))

I'm sorry things have gone down in such a hurtful way. I can't even imagine.

People get blinded to the hurt they cause by their own hurts of the moment, it seems, but the vicious cycles don't skip a beat and seem to only pick up speed as we go.

May there be some spark of willful/mindful/helpful/nurturing momentum/madness among the sorrowful s*** show being currently dealt/felt.

Be the love you need to feel every chance you get, my friend. It's slim pickings from the outside in...fire that s*** up from the inside out. (tosses ya' some of those cool really long fireplace matches)

Take kind care of you.

Little Missy 01-12-18 03:57 PM

Re: (long rant)...Think my dad's dead to me. :(
 
I will tell you a great secret.

Sometimes the very best of things come from what seems to be the very worst of times.

I believe you will rise.

psychopathetic 01-12-18 04:20 PM

Re: (long rant)...Think my dad's dead to me. :(
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Unmanagable (Post 1981252)
May there be some spark of willful/mindful/helpful/nurturing momentum/madness among the sorrowful s*** show being currently dealt/felt.

You know...something deep down inside of me can't help but think that in the long run this all very well may be something good for me in the end.

I'll be forced to grow up a bit. I can't rely on my mom and dad anymore. I'll just have to be more careful.
It might even eventually break me out of my nest I've built myself and have me exploring for employment opportunities again. Not right now. Certainly something to be open to though.

And let's face it...my dad hasn't been a healthy part of my life in many years.
This sucks...I want my dad back...but I think after this shock, after some time...I'll find that maybe I'm not losing my dad so much as I'm being freed.
I do love him. Please don't get me wrong. I think I've given him more consistent and forgiving love then anyone but his mom in his life.

.......

Fuzz-Fuzz had some great advice to me the other day that I've been thinking about a lot. I really liked it.
Don't think about it. The big picture stuff. The future and all the overwhelming stuff that I'm losing with the loss of my dad.
Just make it through now. I just need to get through a day at a time right. Focus on the here and the immediate. Make sure I'm fed for the day and have a roof over my head.

I'm glad I got to come vent about this here on addf finally. lol it's been scary being without this place over this last week!

psychopathetic 01-12-18 04:22 PM

Re: (long rant)...Think my dad's dead to me. :(
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Little Missy (Post 1981253)
I believe you will rise.

<3 (((Miss Miss)))

Oh and I will.

...
Tomorrow. :giggle:

Fuzzy12 01-12-18 08:54 PM

Re: (long rant)...Think my dad's dead to me. :(
 
It really is awful. Maybe his health problems are clouding his judgement? I know it's probably not a consolation but your dad also used to cause you a lot of stress. And all the extra work with billing etc.

I totally know what you mean by not liking someone you love. To me that has always seemed the most complicated type of relationships. Complicated and and painful. As I'm getting older more and more of my relationships with my immediate family seem like that.

I know you said this is a rant so you are probably nsbly not looking for any suggestions but you know these kids that your parents used to watch? Couldn't you watch them now instead? I'm not sure if it requires more than one person but it sounded like you were really fantastic with them.

Also is your parents house just standing empty? Could you move there to save on rent?

psychopathetic 01-12-18 10:36 PM

Re: (long rant)...Think my dad's dead to me. :(
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzy12 (Post 1981279)

I know you said this is a rant so you are probably nsbly not looking for any suggestions but you know these kids that your parents used to watch? Couldn't you watch them now instead? I'm not sure if it requires more than one person but it sounded like you were really fantastic with them.

Also is your parents house just standing empty? Could you move there to save on rent?

Oh no, I'm always looking for suggestions from you guys! :D

I have to have a living space to take the boys to watch them that is certified to qualify for doing what my dad did. And it's thorough. I even have to have a person from the fire department come and inspect my place each year to keep the certification.
Most of my apartment would be up to code right now...or it would be with as little as 30 minutes of picking up. But my bedroom...oh my lord...my bedroom. It's bad. It's not just bad. It's real real bad. It's at a point it very well may take a professional to come an help me clear it all. /sigh
So my room keeps me from doing it for now.
It's at the very tip top of the list though. I'm also aware that I'm in an insanely good position with it right now...I'd be hired on immediately to replace my dad with them...so I really should be doing everything I can to secure the job.
But I just don't know. I'm not much fun for the poor kids anymore and have been getting so grumpy with them.
We'll see.
What I REALLY want to do eventually in my life is work my back into being with the elderly. Not even paid for now either...I just want to be with them again. And it'd be like surrounding myself with a bunch of mothers and fathers too haha...so they could even help sooth those wounds for me.
I have a family friend who said she'd go down to my facility with me to volunteer if I'm serious about it! That's where my heart really belongs. Spending direct 1 on 1 time with those lovelies (which is why it'd have to be unpaid for now).

A couple of other doors have opened to me recently. My future looks scary with a lot of very uncomfortable change...but at least I've got plenty of hope left in my yet.

...
Also, I live in an awesome apartent. Been here for something like 10 years now. It's the kind of place you find yourself in, and then never want to leave because you can't believe you were so lucky to land. I'd be happy to live the rest of my life in this place. It's just a beautiful place and is well taken care of by the landlords.
And the best part is...is the apartments are all made for the elderly and disabled, so that rent is affordable for everyone. They base your rent on how much money you make each month. It's a lovely thing they've got set up for people.

So at least I still have shelter without my dad. Good shelter. I love my place, I just wish I took care of it better.


...
Things will turn themselves around guys.
It's quite possible I've been needing something major like this in my life for years now. Something to kick start my engine again.

aeon 01-13-18 02:18 AM

Re: (long rant)...Think my dad's dead to me. :(
 
25% means taking care of self. Survival. If that's selfish it's healthily so. 25% doesn't leave enough extra for will to do ill. That what he did is confusing, and you feel hurt, I understand, but I don't think he did what he did with intention other than his own well-being.

And perhaps you will not see your father again. That said, it's been 30 years since he was daddy, no?

Regardless, you have a challenge now, and an opportunity. Take 10 minutes to think about what you need to do and what you want to do, and write those things down. Not on an electronic device, but on paper.

Acknowledge how you feel, then take action and do what needs to be done regardless.

You are capable of far more than you believe, or might guess.

Find out how good proving yourself wrong can be.

Your father acted in his own interest in his time of need.

In this way, do as your father has done...for yourself.

"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” - Gandalf


Cheers,
Ian

finallyfound10 01-13-18 09:50 PM

Re: (long rant)...Think my dad's dead to me. :(
 
(((Psycho)))

sarahsweets 01-14-18 06:28 AM

Re: (long rant)...Think my dad's dead to me. :(
 
Im do mad for you psycho! So mad! What a S**ty way to end things. I hope you are mad too and like a phoenix rise above it all and become what you are meant to be.

peripatetic 01-21-18 01:54 AM

Re: (long rant)...Think my dad's dead to me. :(
 
I'm so sorry you're enduring this. I hope it ends up constructively for you xx


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:20 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) 2003 - 2015 ADD Forums